Chapter Twenty
It was 7am on Tuesday morning and Wentworth and I had walked a few miles and climbed a reasonably big hill. We were now sitting on the grass; me with my legs stretched out, Wentworth with his head on my lap while I stroked his ears. Before us were rolling green hills, sheep, hedgerows, and in the distance was the sea, with the Isles of Harris and Lewis on the horizon. There was a ferry on its way around to Uig and I wondered how many people travelled on it each day.
The warmth from the exertion of climbing the hill faded pretty quickly and I zipped my fleece up to my chin. Still, I didn’t mind the cold. It was refreshing, and how could I complain about the temperature when I had this view before me? I reached for my phone. I’d climbed up here hoping to get decent network coverage and I was pleased to find that I finally had a full signal.
“Hello my lovely,” Shane said sleepily, as he answered his phone.
“Good morning! I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“No, just tired. Let me just open the door for Angie.”
Angie was Shane’s chief baker. She made the most amazing vanilla and raspberry cupcakes. I heard him shuffling around, greeting her, and then the sound of a chair being moved out from under a table.
“Right, all sorted. Hello. How are you?”
“I’m okay, how’re you?”
“I’m really good. How’s Skye?”
“Beautiful. Very scenic and green and gorgeous. You’d love it.”
“And have you found Hayley’s long lost love?”
“Yes, and she’s besotted with him and I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”
“Wow. She knows how to create some drama, that one.”
“Yes.”
“Kieran came in for some lunch yesterday, he’s really missing her. I felt bad, knowing that she’s seeking out Guy.”
“I know, I need to talk to her but I’m not sure she’ll listen.”
“She’s determined, I’ll give her that.”
“I saw Will again. The first boy I ever slept with.”
“Ooh. What’s he like?”
“Cute, sweet, funny, kind…”
“Okay, sounds like perfect rebound material.”
“He’s also married.”
“Ah, crap. What’s his wife like?”
“She’s not here. He’s just here visiting his brother for a few weeks.”
“Okay, that’s a bit unusual. Has he left her?”
“I don’t know, he hasn’t really mentioned her, but he’s still wearing his wedding ring. We spent yesterday together and I felt all this chemistry, but maybe it was just my imagination. I’m more confused than ever to be honest.”
“Jennifer Finch. You’ve been on the Isle of Skye for three days and already you’ve got yourself into even more of a pickle and a fluster than when you left. What happened to the quiet, sensible, logical girl I knew?”
“I don’t know!” I sighed, wishing I could go back to my normal self. This was exhausting. “I seem to be a bag of hormones and emotion.”
“And have you been thinking about Ross and Aiden?”
“Plenty. I think it’s over between Ross and me.”
“You’re sure?”
“I can’t see us getting back together again now.”
“Then can I tell you something, you know, as your best friend?”
I loved it when Shane referred to me as his best friend. He didn’t say it often, but it made me feel special and loved when he did.
“Of course.”
“I think you and Ross were great together once, but lately, the last few years, you’ve kind of … well…”
“What? Just say it.”
“Well, do you think you were taking Ross for granted for a bit towards the end? I’m not saying that justifies his actions, but did you ever make the effort to spend time with him? To make him feel loved?”
“I guess not,” I said sadly, wondering how things had gone that way.
“I just suspected sometimes that you didn’t love him as much as you ought to. You spend more time with me than him some weekends.”
“Why didn’t you ever say something?”
“I don’t know, I guess I noticed it gradually and I only really thought about it the past week or so. Anyway, it’s not my place to interfere. Ross has told me several times to keep out of your marriage. He seems to have a bit of a jealous streak about our friendship.”
“Yeah, he accused me of being in love with you the other day.”
Shane laughed. “Nah, I’m not manly enough for you. So what about Aiden, how’re you feeling about him?”
“I don’t know, sometimes I think I have real feelings for him … but now all I’m thinking about is Will, which I know is terrible when he’s married.”
I started pulling up bits of grass and flicking them towards Wentworth, who’d moved a bit further away from me. He stared at me for a few seconds, then stretched out and closed his eyes.
“Maybe you’re mixed up because you didn’t expect to be single again, and now you’re weighing up all the options, seeing what’s available, taking it all in. You don’t need to make a decision and you know what? Being single is okay too.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“You need to take some time to figure out what you want, not rush into a new relationship to avoid being alone.”
“You know me so well.”
“There’s no harm getting a crush on a married man either, so long as you don’t act on it. And you’re only there for a few more days. So what does he look like?”
“Dark hair, amazing eyes, good dresser…”
“Nice.”
“Married though.”
“Well, that should un-complicate it for you. Just have fun spending time with him for a few days as friends.”
“Yes, you’re right. I’m just going to take one day at a time.”
“Good. So is Hayley going to run off with this long lost love of hers?”
“I don’t know. I can’t see her moving up here and living on the farm, I’m hoping she’ll see sense and just get him out of her system without cheating on Kieran.”
“I can’t really imagine her with mud under her nails, either.”
“Any news with you?”
“Yes, actually. I was going to wait until you got home, but … Andrew got offered a new job.”
“Oh that’s fantastic!”
Andrew had been looking for a new job for ages. He hated his current one and I was so pleased to hear he’d found something new.
“It’s in Maidstone, is the only thing.”
“Maidstone?”
“Yes.”
“As in Kent?”
No. No, I couldn’t let Shane, my wonderful friend, the person I felt closest to in the whole world, move away. What about the coffee shop? And their families? And me?
“Oh.”
“We’re just talking about it right now.”
“So he hasn’t accepted?”
“Not yet.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Mixed emotions.”
“You’d have to give up the cafe.”
“Yes, but you know, I could always open one up in Maidstone. Or do something different.”
“But you love it in Bath.”
He sighed.
“I know, but I have to consider what Andrew wants too.”
“And what about me?”
It was so selfish, and I regretted saying it straight away.
“You?”
“You’d have to give me up too.”
“We’d still see each other, Jen.”
I didn’t answer. Emotion was bubbling up in my chest. First Ross betrays me, then Shane leaves me? How would I cope without him?
“Jen?”
“I’m sorry, I’m just … you’re the closest person I have right now.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. And you’re my best friend, Jen, but Andrew’s the closest person I have. You must understand that?”
“Of course,” I said, not really understanding at all. I’d never been as close to anyone as I felt to Shane. Was that the problem with Ross? Maybe he was right. Maybe I had my priorities all wrong. My best friend, the person I was closest to, should have been my husband.
“Look, we don’t know if we’re going yet, anyway.”
“Okay,” I said, trying to sound chirpier.
“So, how’s Skye? I bet Wentworth loves it.”
“Yes, he does,” I said, smiling and ruffling his head.
“Look, I know you’re confused about your love life right now and I know this is all a bit scary, but just chill. Catch up on old times with Will, think about Aiden or Ross if you like, but don’t over analyse. You’ll figure it all out.”
“Thanks Shane.”
“No worries. And for the record, you’re the second closest person I have. I love you.”
I smiled. He rarely said that, either.
“Love you, too.”
I hung up and stared out at the view, wondering what Maidstone was like. Maybe I could move there too. They wouldn’t mind would they?