Chapter Twenty-Five
The more the evening went on, the more we giggled. I surprised myself by realising I was having more fun with Will than I probably would have had with Hayley. She’d have moaned about the walking, and would have been shattered each evening from the exertion. Back home we were great friends because we saw each other in small doses, but this holiday served to remind me how different we were when it came to choosing how to spend our free time.
“You want to know something sad?” I asked after a while of superficial chatting about Skye and the cottage and our dogs.
“What?”
“I’ve probably done it more times with you, than with Ross.”
Why did I keep returning to talk about our previous sexual relations? Even with the wine in me, I knew having sex again was unlikely and not a great idea, yet here I was bringing it up.
“No, you were together eight years. Surely not?”
“Okay,” I admitted, “maybe not.”
He laughed. “It’s been fun, seeing you again.”
The sofa was small, only a two-seater. I turned to look at him and our faces were alarmingly close again. I swallowed and then looked away. “More wine?”
A few hours later we were laughing at everything: Fern and Wentworth, our crazy teen experiences, even the bad state of our respective marriages seemed hilarious. I hadn’t laughed this much in weeks, maybe even months.
“I mean, how could I think we should get married when we couldn’t even agree on where to go on honeymoon? We’re too different!” Will laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.
“We had the same problem, how funny!” I said, giggling. Ross had wanted to go somewhere hot, lie on a beach; I wanted to go hiking somewhere with an amazing view. He’d won, of course. “I always let him have his way,” I said, shaking my head. “Maybe that’s where I went wrong; I was a pushover and so he walked all over me.”
Will stopped laughing and looked at me seriously. “I gave in, too. We went to Cyprus and lay on a beach all week. My preference was the south of France, I fancied going to Saint Tropez or Nice, eating cheese and drinking wine.”
“Oh my god, I would love that.”
“Me too.”
“Let’s make a pact to go there together if our marriages don’t work out. Just as friends, of course.”
He looked at me and grinned.
“Sounds great. As friends, of course.”
We smiled at each other. The same goofy teen smiles we’d given each other way back in the day, when we weren’t married to other people or living hundreds of miles apart, when we had no responsibilities and life was simple. Being a teenager is so simple and yet you don’t realise or appreciate it at the time.
About the same time that Will announced we’d drunk all the wine in the cottage, I realised we hadn’t heard anything from Hayley. Annoyed and concerned, I found my phone and sent her a text asking if she was okay.
“I suppose I’d better ask Guy to come collect me,” Will said, glancing at his watch. He looked disappointed.
My phone beeped to alert me of a new text message. It was from Hayley.
So sorry I haven’t been in touch… Don’t judge but I’m going to stay the night. Nothing funny going on, honestly, just knackered and we’ve had a few drinks. Are you going to drop Will off, it’s late? Is something going on with you two? xx
I read it out to Will, and we both burst out laughing again.
“I reckon they’re getting naked,” Will said, smiling after we calmed down.
I almost replied with, “As should we, don’t you think?” but stopped myself just in time.
“You want to stay the night?”
He looked alarmed for a second.
“In Hayley’s room, I mean” I felt myself deflate as the sensible part of me that added that last bit.
“If you don’t mind, I guess that would work. The bed must be comfier.”
“Well, I can’t drive you home and I doubt Guy is going to stop screwing Hayley to come get you.”
We both laughed again, but it seemed false this time. We texted them to communicate the plan and then sat back on the sofa. I felt myself sober up a bit as I faced the reality of us spending the night together, albeit in different rooms.
“So…” Will said, shifting nervously.
“So…”
“Do you think you’re going to go back and say you want a divorce, or you want to give it another go?”
“The more I think about it, the more I think I’m going to end it. What about you?”
“I don’t know.”
“You said you don’t love her, so why would you stay together?”
“Because I made a vow, and I don’t want to go back on my word.”
“What do you think she’s doing right now?”
“Same as you.”
“Getting drunk with her ex-boyfriend?”
“Contemplating whether she wants to be with her husband or not.”
“I think I’m done contemplating.”
“What about the brother-in-law?”
“Oh, I don’t know about him. He’s lovely. Really, really lovely. But I didn’t find him attractive until after things went wrong with Ross, so that’s the confusing bit.”
“You know what?”
“What?”
“Let’s make a promise to not talk about our messed up loved lives the rest of this week. It looks as if you’ve lost Hayley to the farm so how about we hang out together, enjoy the hills and views and get the space we came here for, instead of agonising about what we’ll do when we get home.”
I smiled. “Sounds like a great idea.”
“Wow, that feels kind of liberating.”
“It sure does. Want a cup of hot chocolate?”
“Yes!” He got up to help me as I put the kettle on. “You remember bonfire night? The marshmallows and hot chocolate?” He passed me some mugs.
“Best hot chocolate I’ve ever had. And I remember kissing under that tree while we huddled together to keep warm.”
He stopped and looked at me and I looked right back and it took all myself restraint not to wrap my arms around his neck and re-enact that kiss. I wasn’t sure if it was rose-tinted glasses coupled with red wine haze, or fact; but now that I thought about it, that’d been one of the best kisses of my life.
“You want milk in it?” Will said suddenly, spinning away from me and opening the fridge.
Fern and Wentworth were both hovering in the hall.
“Yes please. I’ll let the dogs out while you fix the drinks.”
The air outside was cool and I pulled my jacket around me while the dogs wandered off to find somewhere to do their business. I knocked on the kitchen window and waved at Will and he grinned back at me. I turned back to the view, looking out at the few lights on the horizon and deciding I’d keep my pact not to talk or think about Ross while I was here. I felt relieved at the prospect.
I decided I’d go in, have the hot chocolate, then we’d go to bed – separately – and continue with the week like he said; helping each other out as friends to get some space. No worrying about home, no flirting if possible, and no more talk about our past, either. I thought Hayley had been crazy expecting to pick up with Guy again and yet here I was, doing the same thing with Will. And we hadn’t been as close a couple as they had, even back then.
I called the dogs over and we went back inside, where Will had taken off his jumper and was sitting down on the sofa with the hot chocolates. Wow, he looked good. No, no, no, I told myself. Friends only.
We drank our drinks, washed up the cups, and then I said:
“Right, well then, good night.”
“Good night Jenny,” he said. “I had fun today, thank you.”
“Me too.”
“Hug?”
He held out his arms and I wrapped mine around his torso. He smelled divine; a mixture of aftershave, a light sweaty masculine odour and sweet red wine. We hugged longer than friends would – friends who didn’t know each other really anymore, at that – and I pulled apart begrudgingly and turned away without looking him in the eye. I was pretty sure I’d give in and go for a kiss if I looked directly at him again, which would either end with us in bed together, which seemed grossly unfair on Mandy, and maybe even Ross, would open a can of worms, potentially ruin the rest of my week … or, he’d shake me off, tell him I’d read the whole situation wrong, he didn’t find me attractive at all and I’d be left humiliated, disappointed, and feeling awkward as he couldn’t very well leave in the middle of the night after plenty of alcohol.
So, reluctantly, I called Wentworth, went to my bedroom door and called good night one more time without looking back.