Chapter Thirty-Two

 

The following morning, I woke up with my head on Will’s chest and knew this had been a bad idea. Now it would be even harder to leave. I listened to his deep breathing and then moved my head up slightly so that I could see his chin. He hadn’t shaved for a few days, and the dark stubble suited him. I was tempted to run my finger along his jaw but resisted.

I closed my eyes and imagined slipping my hand under his pyjama trousers and waking him up the way I used to when we were randy teens. I bet he’s learned some new moves since then. My whole body tingled at the thought.

Yes, Jenny, he has learned some new moves, which he’s been practising with his wife. The thought shook me from my daydream and I slowly moved away, leaving him to sleep while I tiptoed around the bedroom getting ready, trying to delay the awkward moment when Will realised we were acting like a couple without actually being one and married to other people, in fact. When he eventually woke up, I was in the kitchen and he called a cheerful hello before going straight into the shower.

He then helped me clean up the last few bits, load my stuff in the car and set up my sat nav for me while I put Wentworth into the back.

“Thanks for sorting out Gertie,” I told him. He frowned.

“I named the sat nav,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

“That’s rather cute,” he said, smiling. Then he looked away quickly and shifted from foot to foot. He looked about as comfortable as I felt.

“I hate this,” I said, taking a deep breath to stop myself from getting tearful.

“Saying goodbye? Me too. I’ve had such a great time with you.”

“Well yes, but I mean this awkwardness.” I moved my hand back and forth in the space between us. “We were fine before, all easy going and relaxed, and now we both feel weird.”

“Yeah, I know.” He sighed. “Next time we see each other, the kiss will be a distant memory and we’ll just be like friends again, right?”

That’s not what I wanted and I was pretty sure he knew it. I didn’t have any idea that we’d see each other again anyway, and I certainly couldn’t forget the kiss as easily as he was obviously going to.

“Right,” I said, taking another deep breath. “Yes, so … keep in touch.”

“I will. Be careful driving back. Take regular breaks and text me when you arrive.”

I gave him a hard but brief hug and got into the car quickly. He stood outside the cottage and waved me off as I drove down the track. Leaving him was a lot harder this time than it had been ten years ago, not only emotionally but physically, seeing as I was driving down a country lane crying my eyes out. I should really have stopped but I knew he wouldn’t be far behind me and I didn’t want him to see me like this.

Wentworth let out a big sigh in the back.

“I know, I know, I miss them already too,” I told him.

Once I’d taken a road in the opposite direction to the farm, I pulled over and dabbed a tissue on my eyes. I had a long way to go, and it’d take me forever if I didn’t pull myself together. I took a swig of water and set off again, feeling calmer albeit just as sad.

The journey back seemed to take forever. I took regular breaks, stopping a few times at service stations to eat, stretch my legs, and wonder what Will was doing now. Wentworth was his usual laid-back self and slept most of the way.

As I passed mile after mile of motorway, I thought long and hard about how I’d tell Ross that it was over. I couldn’t afford the mortgage on our house so I was going to have to find somewhere to live and I had no idea what I could afford. I hoped I could manage to rent a flat or small house for me and Wentworth. I even wondered if Kieran would rent me a room for a couple of months, since I knew he might struggle with his bills with Hayley gone. Poor Kieran. How was I going to face him when I got back?

And then there was Aiden. Ross and I were over, so was it Aiden’s turn now? I was curious but uneasy about the whole thing and every time I tried to think about being back at home, maybe going on a date with Aiden, my mind would drift back to Will and replay our time together.

Finally, twelve hours after leaving Will, I pulled up outside home. It felt like a long time since I’d been there. Wentworth ran happily to the front door, wagging his tail, and I let us in. Ross wasn’t there, which was good. I was glad he’d honoured my wishes and relieved to have the house to myself, although there were traces of him everywhere; dirty cups, socks on the landing, the bathroom was dirty and the bed was unmade. I sighed as I walked around, annoyed he’d not bothered and sad this wouldn’t be my home for much longer. I put my clothes in the wash, got clean sheets out, and climbed into bed with a cup of tea.

I opened up my laptop and found a bunch of emails, mostly from potential clients making enquiries for next year. But also one from Will, sent only this morning, not long after I’d left.