Chapter Forty-Nine

 

It was my first Saturday without a wedding for a few weeks and I pottered around the house cleaning, and then took Wentworth for a long walk. On our way back home, I saw Aiden walking down the other side of the street and wondered for a moment if I should look down, pretend I hadn’t noticed him, or cross over and say hi. I was just about to opt for the latter when he caught my eye, smiled and came over to my side.

“Hey Jenny.” He looked about as awkward as I felt.

“Hi Aiden, how are you?”

“I’m fine. You?”

“Fine.”

We smiled at each other. Wentworth was shaking his bum from side to side and nudging Aiden’s arm. He bent down and made a fuss of him.

“You’re such a good boy,” he told him, rubbing his ears. He looked up at me.

“I heard about your flat. It sounds nice.”

“Yeah, it’s lovely.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Well, I’d better get on,” he said, standing up.

“Yes, me too.”

He nodded and smiled and I started to walk.

“Jenny?”

I turned around to face him. He was such a lovely, kind person, and the hurt on his face made me feel so guilty.

“We’ve broken the ice now, so don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

I smiled. “Yeah.”

He nodded and turned away. I walked home feeling sad again, Wentworth’s cheerful expression being the only thing to lift my spirits.

Now, what does one wear to an ice hockey match? I went through my wardrobe, deciding to go for comfy casual, seeing as I wouldn’t spend much time with Howard up close, if at all. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a fleece I’d bought for the Skye holiday. A few flicks of mascara and I was good to go.

“You’re going to be freezing,” Andrew said as I climbed into the back of Shane’s car outside my house.

“Really?” I asked. “It’s so mild out.”

“Didn’t the word ‘ice’ give you a clue?”

“Ah, well.” I shrugged. “Drive on.”

An hour later, I was wondering what the hell I’d been thinking. Howard hadn’t exaggerated when he said they didn’t sell that many tickets; we had plenty of choice about where to sit, and Andrew was correct about how cold I might be. It was freezing. Shane put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulders but I couldn’t help but shiver.

“Want my gloves?” he offered.

“No, I was stupid enough to come without mine, you keep them.”

“Here, you have them,” he said, taking them off.

“You two are so like a married couple,” Andrew said, rolling his eyes. “I can see why it bothered Ross.”

Shane nudged him hard in the ribs and while I giggled. I knew Andrew was joking.

I got out my phone and texted Howard.

We are here. Good luck! x

He replied straight away.

Great! Wait behind after x

I smiled and put my phone away. And then the drama started.

My expectation of the evening was that two teams would come out, they’d skate around, knock the puck about, score some goals, and it’d look something like it did on the Winter Olympics, of which I’d watched plenty, thanks to one of my mum’s ex-husbands, Bill, a Canadian who had us all glued to the TV screen during the 1994 games.

This was nothing like that. For a start, I don’t remember the quite so dramatic music and disco lights.

“Why do I feel like we’re at a wrestling event instead of ice hockey?” I whispered to Shane.

“What?” he yelled back, unable to hear me over the music which surely only belonged in an epic disaster movie right at the point the hero was about to save the day.

“It doesn’t matter,” I yelled back, unable to repeat myself when the guy sitting on the other side of me was obviously a serious fan. He had already started whooping and yelling.

To my enormous relief, the coloured lights stopped rather abruptly and out came the teams. I couldn’t tell which one was Howard with his helmet on.

“What’s his last name?” Andrew asked across Shane.

“Morris,” I told them.

We scanned the player’s shirts until Shane pointed him out.

The game began and to start with, I was quite excited as Howard’s team seemed to be playing quite well and nearly scored a few goals.

Then a fight began. I wasn’t sure how it started but someone barged someone else and then Howard threw his gloves and helmet on the floor, as did a player from the other team and they started fighting each other, really rather brutally, in my expert feminine opinion.

I felt myself get anxious and looked to the referee to break it up, but to my dismay he just let them get on with it, and then the music and the coloured lights started up again. What?

The guy next to me jumped up, yelling: “Yeah! Go on Morris, kill him!”

What?

I looked at Shane and Andrew in horror but they were just laughing.

And then, just like that, Howard and the other guy were escorted to a box beside the rink.

“They have to have time-out, then they can come back in,” Andrew shouted across Shane when I gave him a confused look.

I sat quietly after that, watching the part-sport, part-fighting and was relieved when there was a break.

“It’s fun huh?” Andrew smiled at me.

“I didn’t expect all the fighting,” I admitted. “I find it a bit … un-sportsman like. How come it’s allowed?”

“It’s just part of it,” he told me. “Sometimes it’s even planned in advance. For entertainment.”

Huh, so it really was like wrestling after all.

“I think I just lost respect for the whole thing,” I said back, careful to ensure the huge ice hockey fan next to me didn’t hear. “I don’t like fighting.”

Andrew shrugged. “It’s just the way it works.”

“I think it’s quite good fun,” Shane said, getting up. “Drinks?”

“A coffee would be nice,” Andrew said.

“Make that two,” I told him.

“It doesn’t work like that at the Winter Olympics,” I declared. “Or at least, not that I remember.”

Andrew shrugged. “Different rules.”

A text came in.

Enjoying it?! Xx

Well, no actually.

Yeah, it’s great x

I sat through the next twenty minutes, feeling a bit lifeless. The fighting was annoying, but even the actual ice hockey between the combat bored me. Every time another fight started I felt uncomfortable, and I was so cold I couldn’t feel my toes. I couldn’t be doing with this every week, or every other week, or however often he said he played, I couldn’t remember now.

I told the guys I was going to pee during the next break. After leaving the ladies, I bought a hot chocolate and found a seat in the cafe area. There were rows of yellow plastic chairs and a handful of hockey fans wandering about. One of them had ‘Morris’ on the back of her jersey and I wondered if she fancied him. She’d probably think I was lucky, getting to date him. Maybe I should give her his number. The people started to drift back to their seats but I continued to sit where I was, staring into my murky brown water and wondering if this dating game was really for me.

The game started up again and I didn’t get up. I stared down at the table in front of me and wondered how long it’d be until we could leave.

“You okay?” Shane’s voice made me jump.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, smiling. He sat down opposite me.

“It’s not what you thought?”

“No. It’s not. I hate it.”

“It’s not for everyone. Andrew loves it. I’m not bothered really.”

“You can go watch it with him.”

“It’s all right. How are you, really? You seem kind of sad.”

“I don’t know Shane. I just didn’t expect to find myself here.”

“Watching ice hockey?”

“No, almost thirty and almost divorced.”

“I know.”

“And it’s all very well, saying I should date and have fun, but I don’t want to. I want to be married again. I want to feel safe and loved and settled.”

“Well, have that then.”

“What?”

“Take Ross back.”

“You really think I could trust him again?”

“I don’t know. But marriages do recover from this sort of thing. Maybe he would go to counselling.”

“He has been, actually. And he said we could go together.”

Was I really considering this?

“I’m just saying, you loved Ross, he loved you, you were happy at one point. You both let things slip. Maybe you could start again. Maybe it’s something to think about.”

“I thought you didn’t like him much.”

“I’m not the one who’d have to live with him.”

“It’s just … since I went to Skye … I can’t stop thinking about Will. We had something, Shane. Something real and amazing.”

“It was a holiday romance, things always seem better on holiday.”

“I know. But I think I love him.”

Shane raised his eyebrows then started rubbing his beard.

“And he’s married, right?”

“Yes,” I sighed.

“You’ll get over him. Just relax, keep your spirits up, and you’ll meet someone else, just as amazing as Will. Or even better. Or even figure things out with Ross.”

“Thanks, Shane.” I reached out and squeezed his hand and he gave me a warm smile.

A loud roar came from the crowd.

“Another fight?”

“Probably.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You wanna go as soon as it’s over?”

“Yes please.”

“I’ll go wait with Andrew and we’ll see you by the car.”

He handed me his keys.

“Thanks Shane.”

“It’s going to work out fine, you know that, right? You’ll be happy again.”

I smiled and choked back a tear.

“Thank you. I’m not unhappy … I like my flat … I’m just lonely I guess.”

“I know.”

He walked off to find his boyfriend and I grabbed my stuff and headed out to his car. I realised I’d better tell Howard I’d left, so once strapped in on the back seat, I texted him to say I had a headache and therefore gone home. He never replied and I didn’t hear from him again.