July 1944
I didn’t burn them toys before I went to bed that night. I thought I would do it after Ida and Ellie went to sleep, but I just didn’t have the heart for it. So I decided to wait till morning. Maybe in the light of day I could talk myself into it. If not, there was always Junior Bledsoe.
Didn’t he promise Daddy he’d do the hard work?
Bobby had a farm set Daddy carved him little by little when he got a chance. He carved a tractor and a whole pile of farm animals. And last Christmas he built a barn to go with them.
I put that farm set and Bobby’s stuffed bear, his crayons and drawing pad and his building blocks, in a pasteboard box. I set the box in a corner of the kitchen.
“Don’t touch them,” I told Ida and Ellie. “On account of the polio germs.”
When I finally fell asleep that night, I dreamed I was building a fire in the yard and the whole time I was thinking that it would just kill Bobby if I burned his things. Then in my dream all his toys come marching out of the house and jumped one by one into the flames. The last thing to come out was his crayons and drawing tablet. I knew that tablet was full of Bobby’s wild animals on the front and back of every page. So I yelled, “Stop! Don’t burn them animals.” But a tiger jumped off a page and screamed at me—and what he screamed was, “Polio germs!” Then he grabbed the tablet in his mouth and jumped into the fire and him and the tablet was both gone.
I woke up then, and I was so scared my heart was racing and I had to get out of bed just to walk the wooziness out of my legs. I sat on a chair at the kitchen table and stared at that box of toys sitting sad and shadowy in the corner. I kept thinking I had already hurt Bobby enough. What would he say when he come home and seen what else I done?
I wished Momma was there to tell me what to do.
But I already knew what she would do. It would break Momma’s heart, but she would protect Ida and Ellie from getting polio.
I thought about Daddy and President Roosevelt, and between the two of them making me strong, I grabbed that box of toys quick and went outside to get it over with.
First I made sure the twins was sound asleep. I knew that sooner or later they would miss Bobby’s things, but they sure didn’t have to see them burn up.
I piled the toys in the yard beside the shed. To get the fire started, I tore up his drawing book and crumbled the pages fast, without looking at them animals. I threw the crayons in and held a match to a page and watched the flame eat it up. Then I sat on the porch steps and watched that fire grow till it sent sparks up into the night sky.
I felt like I was beating my baby brother with a stick.
I decided right then and there I was going to find some way to buy him a new drawing tablet and crayons. I knew if I could save up money for war bonds, which I was doing ever since the war begun, I could sure find some way to buy my brother some toys.
All of a sudden I heard the screen door creak behind me, and there was Ida in her undershirt and panties coming out on the porch. Ellie was following right behind her, hanging on to Ida’s undershirt with one hand and dragging a blanket behind her with the other.
For once they didn’t say a word. I was thinking maybe they wouldn’t notice it was Bobby’s things in that fire.
They sat on the top step, one on each side of me. They was only half awake to start with, and the sight of them flames dancing was putting them back to sleep. I put an arm around each one and pulled Ellie’s blanket up over our laps. And then I realized it wasn’t Ellie’s blanket—it was Bobby’s.
I should have thought what to do next. But I didn’t think at all. I just remembered that tiger jumping at me and screaming, “Polio germs!” All I could think was, Bobby’s blanket is full of germs. I snatched the blanket away from the girls and jumped off the porch and threw it in the fire.
“Hey!” cried Ellie, suddenly wide awake. She jumped off the porch and run to the fire. “I want my blanket. Why are you burning my blanket?”
I jumped between her and the fire and held her back. “It’s not your blanket,” I yelled. “It’s Bobby’s and I can’t let you have it. Where did you get it?”
“In the garden.” Ellie was clawing at me. “I want Bobby’s blanket!” She was trying to get to the fire and pushing me toward it. I felt the heat of it warming the back of my gown.
“It’ll give you polio!” I yelled.
“I’ll help you, Ellie,” yelled Ida. She grabbed the broom off the porch and went toward the fire. She stuck the broom handle into the fire and reached for the blanket, but it was too late. Flames was licking it up. The broom handle hit the wooden barn. And when it did, Ida realized what I was doing.
“Stop it!” she screamed. “Stop burning my brother’s play barn.”
“And his teddy bear!” screamed Ellie.
Both girls started beating on me then. “You’re burning Bobby’s toys. What’s he gonna play with? Ann Fay, you’re so mean. I hate you, Ann Fay. I wish you was dead.”
They screamed and pounded on me. I couldn’t tell who was saying what, but I could tell they both hated me.
And I hated me too, so I let them push me to the ground and punch me. It felt good when they hit me. It felt like I deserved it. But I guess they wore out fast, because the next thing I knew they was laying on top of me, crying right along with me.
We laid there for the longest time, not saying a word.
After a while Ellie lifted her head and said real quiet, “Ann Fay, did you burn Pete too?”
“Oh, my Lord!” I sat up so fast I dumped both them girls onto the grass. “Where is that dog?”
In the middle of all the mess we was in, I had forgot all about Pete. The last time I seen him, he was laying on Bobby’s blanket out in the garden, right before Bobby collapsed.