100
Requesting Better Meeting Manners from a Coworker

STRATEGY

You're not your organization's meeting monitor. The only times you should address this issue are when it's your direct report who's being rude, or when a peer's rudeness at a meeting has an impact on your work. Be direct and explain why the behavior hurt you. Your peer will respond with an excuse for their behavior, truthful or not. Always act as if the excuse is true and remark that it was out of character, whether it was or wasn't. Provide them with a solution for future meetings and hint that the behavior was so egregious that it couldn't help but be noticed by others.

TACTICS

  • Attitude: Be direct and specific. Frame this as a personal issue, if you can. Explain that you didn't get the support and attention that you deserved or expected.
  • Preparation: Have a response ready for every possible excuse or rationalization. Each response should lead to the same solution, which is that your coworker should have acted differently.
  • Timing: Have this conversation as soon after the meeting as is possible.
  • Behavior: Have this conversation in person if at all possible. Feel free to go to your coworker's office. That will reinforce the harm you've experienced.
Flow diagram depicting a course of action for 100. Requesting Better Meeting Manners from a Coworker with an opening statement, three situations, and responses.
Flow diagram depicting a course of action for 100. Requesting Better Meeting Manners from a Coworker with responses.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

  • Get better conversation or discussion manners from a family member.

KEY POINTS

  • Directly express your concerns about the behavior and the impact it had on you.
  • Frame this as a personal issue if you can.
  • Accept whatever excuse is offered as truthful, whether you believe it is or isn't.
  • Hint that you're not the only person who noticed the behavior.