31
Putting an End to Verbal Abuse from Your Supervisor

STRATEGY

Confronting a verbally abusive supervisor is fraught with peril. You're setting yourself up for more verbal abuse and potentially putting your job at risk. The abuse will not stop on its own, however. And even if you do have an HR department, approaching them may not be of any help. Worse, they could actually become your supervisor's advocate if it makes financial or political sense for them or the company. For this situation to end you'll need to confront your supervisor or find another job. Perhaps both. Be specific in describing the abuse and repeat that description throughout the conversation so there's no ambiguity to your message. Stress that your supervisor's behavior is hurting the company by hurting your work. Having braved the confrontation you need to push for closure, whether that's an apology or a signal that your job is in danger.

TACTICS

  • Attitude: You simply want to be able to do your job and your supervisor's behavior is keeping you from being able to do that. You need an apology.
  • Preparation: Try to find a pattern to your supervisor's verbal abuse. Are there days and times when it occurs? Are there situations that trigger the abuse?
  • Timing: Time your approach so that the conversation takes place when your supervisor is likely to be calm. Reschedule if something happens that could trigger a storm.
  • Behavior: Do this face to face. Bullies are more likely to back down when directly confronted by resistance. Be as unemotional as you can. Keep cool no matter how offensive you find the rationalizations or how nasty the threats.
Flow diagram depicting a course of action for 31. Putting an End to Verbal Abuse from Your Supervisor with an opening statement, situations, and responses.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

  • Ask for an end to verbal abuse from a professor or relative.

KEY POINTS

  • For this to end you'll need to confront your supervisor, leave the job, or both.
  • Do this in person and time it to match your supervisor's mood.
  • It's all about your inability to do your job due to the abuse.
  • Repeatedly describe the abuse.
  • Push for closure, one way or the other.