93
Asking a Coworker to Stop Gossiping

STRATEGY

When you're the subject of gossip, your natural instinct might be to lash out at the person you suspect is playing busybody and give them a piece of your mind. Don't. The goal of this script is to help you convey your displeasure with their tongue wagging—and to get them to stop—without a direct accusation. This is important, since (a) you could be accusing them falsely, (b) confrontation could disrupt your work relationship, or (c) you could cause the other person, if spiteful, to spread even more falsehoods designed to damage your reputation, both personal and professional. For this lifescript to work, you can't let on you know you're talking to Judas. Instead, approach the gossiper as if you're confiding in then about what has taken place.

TACTICS

  • Attitude: Depending on what has been said, you might be furious, wounded or worried. Don't let it show. Instead, act calm. Your prevailing attitude should be one of disbelief at the gossiper's unprofessional behavior, tempered with annoyance at being the subject of office chatter.
  • Preparation: Gossip spreads geometrically; while it usually springs from one source, before long lots of folks are telling the same tale. For that reason, it's crucial that you are as sure as you can be that you're dealing with the original perpetrator. Ask around. Eventually, you'll be able to deduce who the motor mouth is.
  • Timing: Enticing as it might be to imagine your talk taking place in full view of the whole company in the employee cafeteria, this discussion should take place in private. If you must, come in early to catch them alone, or ask them to stay after work for a few minutes. If either of you have your own office, do it there, preferably after lunch, when people are usually in a good mood. An empty restroom can work, too, although you run the risk of interruption. If you must, talk to them quietly in the hall.
    Flow diagram depicting a course of action for 93. Asking a Coworker to Stop Gossiping with an opening statement, situations, and responses.
  • Behavior: Remaining calm throughout, approach them as if you're troubled and seeking their advice. Segue into disbelief followed by mild indignation. Finally, ask them to help you squash the gossip. Don't say or do anything that tips your hand and makes it obvious you know it's them, whether it's smirking, glaring, or sarcasm.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

  • Nip gossiping by a friend or family member in the bud.

KEY POINTS

  • Avoid direct confrontation.
  • Make sure you've got the right person.
  • Pretend you're confiding about how upset you are.
  • Express your anger and disgust at the gossiper's unprofessional behavior.
  • Finish by asking for their help in curbing the gossip, reiterating your distress.
  • Keep calm, never letting on you're fully aware they are the guilty party.
  • Don't smirk, glare, or use sarcasm.
  • Have the discussion in private, if possible.