97
Putting an End to a Coworker's Pilfering

STRATEGY

Coffee, toilet paper, rubber bands, file folders, legal pads—when it comes to items people steal from the workplace, the list is endless. The goal of this lifescript is to stop a pilfering peer without coming across as smug, saintly, or a member of the FBI. Caught red‐handed and confronted in a gentle way (yelling “Up against the wall” is a bad move), your coworker will either: beg you not to tell your supervisor; snarl that the very least the company owes them is a case of paper clips since they pay low wages; or minimize their foray into larceny by claiming it's something everyone does. If they have got an iota of conscience and common sense, they'll see the error of their ways (after you point them out to them, of course) and put the goods back voluntarily. But if they won't, you need to make it clear that if you catch them stealing again and you're later asked if you know who made off with the couch from the employees' lounge, you're not going to cover for them.

TACTICS

  • Attitude: Your attitude should be calm yet no nonsense disapproval. Whatever you do, don't come across as morally superior, or you'll have an enemy for life.
  • Preparation: Unfortunately, there's little you can do to prepare for this discussion, since it's likely to arise spontaneously the minute you come across your pilfering peer in action.
  • Timing: Confront your peer the minute you catch them in the act—not after, or before he strikes again.
    Flow diagram depicting a course of action for 97. Putting an End to a Coworker's Pilfering with an opening statement, situations, and responses.
  • Behavior: You're neither Sherlock Holmes, nor the Pope, so avoid behaving like either. Be supremely cool and calm, your first volley on the light side, if possible. Don't try to wrest the pilfered item from their sticky fingers; similarly, avoid standing there smugly with your arms crossed like a disapproving schoolmarm. On the other hand, maintain eye contact at all times.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

  • Confront a pilfering relative, friend or guest.

KEY POINTS

  • Keep your tone light.
  • Confront them the minute you come upon them stealing.
  • Avoid acting like a member of the FBI or the Vatican.
  • Appeal to their conscience. If they don't have one, make it clear you won't cover for them if your supervisor wants to know who has sticky fingers.
  • Maintain eye contact.