Have you ever had one of those life-changing days? “Oh, definitely,” you say.

You’re thinking: the night you got to second base; your first sip of Natty Light in that musty corner of your next-door neighbor’s basement; that time at Taco Bell they gave you a chalupa instead of a gordita and you had a revelation about the menu that felt wise and universal—It’s. All. The. Same. Shit.

Well, not to burst your burrito or anything, but you haven’t had a life-changing day. Not really. Not in the deep-voiced, movie-trailer-narrator sense: “It was a day just like any other, until one event changed life as he knew it—forever.”

Today is that day.