WARNING: THE INTERNET IS FOREVER
We are living in a time when the whole world is literally at our fingertips. You’d think that would solve all our problems: No more misunderstandings, no more ignorance, no more bashing others without the facts! In short, no more dickishness! Unfortunately, no.
An Appropriate Level of Caution
The technology may have changed, but human nature hasn’t. Like every modern convenience, the internet can be both a blessing and a curse. For instance, consider the fact that everything on the internet, for all intents and purposes, lives forever. Whatever you post on a blog or send to someone else never really completely disappears. It’s like finding your embarrassing teenage journals in the basement, but unlike paper journals, you can’t burn them, and everyone can read them.
When you post something on the internet, you have no control over it. Anyone can copy, repost, or link to it. Your privacy settings might help a little, but they are a false comfort. You have no control over people who might take a screenshot of your spelling and grammar errors and post them for strangers to see and comment on.
This may not seem like a big deal right now. Those photos of your “youthful indiscretions” can make for big laughs. You are just keeping it real. Who cares?
Your future employers, that’s who. If you want to become a teacher or a childcare provider, do you really want the children you’re helping and their parents to see this part of you?
Before you post, text, or tweet, take an extra second to consider what you are putting online. Your future self will appreciate it.
WHEN COMMENTING
One great thing about the internet is that anyone with an opinion can share. This is informative and helpful. We can tell people—even strangers in foreign countries—what a great job they’ve done or how much we like what they’ve written, and we can also point out facts or perspectives they may have overlooked. Everyone appreciates honest praise and constructive criticism.
Then again, in every group of people, there are a few stinkers who try to ruin things for everyone. And when that group of people is made up of everyone on the internet, that’s a lot of stinkers!
Appropriately Addressing the Topic
To avoid being a dick online, keep the following tips in mind. Make sure you’re thoughtfully adding to the conversation, not pointing out a trivial mistake.
Avoid pointless statements that implicitly criticize others.
And remember that the world is a diverse place with many points of view. Just because people share their points of view doesn’t mean that they don’t understand your point of view or think it’s invalid. Approach others and the internet with an open mind; you might learn something! Even if you don’t, consider whether your comment addresses the topic at hand or is just venting frustration over the fact that not everyone is like you.
It never hurts to read other people’s comments before posting your own. Perhaps others have made the same points already, or a comment thread has run off the rails and forgotten the original topic completely. Don’t get sucked into these vortexes!
Reading the Entire Article
One rule of thumb: Always read the entire article before commenting. If you only read the headline or the first sentence, you don’t know what the story or article is really about. The writer may have many nuanced points to make that address your concerns.
If you don’t have time to read an entire article, don’t comment on it.
Reading Is Private, Writing Is Public
When surfing the internet or texting with friends, it’s easy to assume that what we are doing is private. We are in our own home, often alone, and perhaps communicating directly with only one person.
However, anything written or posted online—any comment, text, tweet, or photo—is public. In theory, anyone can see it. Even if you try to be anonymous, it’s very easy to find out who wrote what. In other words, a private reaction we have at home becomes public the moment we share it online. So, if you read something that makes you angry, take a breath and make sure you aren’t about to act like a dick.
Profanity, Slagging, and Trolling
The internet creates a mask of privacy and anonymity. This can sometimes lead us to say and act online in ways we wouldn’t if we were speaking with someone face to face. On the internet, we may feel freer to use profanity and hateful language. We may be quicker to express our anger and disapproval. We may even take pleasure in deliberately leaving hurtful comments on sites and with people or groups we don’t like. This is called “trolling.”
Really, trolling is nothing but bullying in cyberspace. Its only purpose is to take pleasure in upsetting or picking on other people (for more on bullying, see “Bullying,” page 75).
However, we don’t have to be trolling to act like a troll. One common dickish mistake is to reduce people to stereotypes in order to dismiss or invalidate what they have to say. This is lazy and presumptive.
Perhaps it should go without saying, but when commenting, never use hurtful slurs, epithets, profanity, or offensive slang. This is never okay. Telling people how wrong they are in the most offensive way possible is “slagging.” In truth, this type of behavior only reveals our own ignorance of people who are different from us.
If you find yourself the target of online bullying, slagging, or trolling, there are a few things you can do. First, get help. Tell someone what is going on, so you are not dealing with this alone. Then, ignore the poster if you can. If it’s someone approaching you through social media, try to hide or block that person. Above all, do not get in a “flame war” with someone. You’ll just get burned.
A NOTE ON ADDICTION
Social media and the internet should enhance our lives, not become our lives. Admittedly, holding the world in your hands can be distracting. All that information, all those videos, all those photobomb memes!
These are hilarious, but it can be annoying when people become so distracted by their devices that they don’t pay any attention to you. If you find people have no idea what you’re talking about because your only topic of conversation is funny online videos, you’re on the internet too much.
As a courtesy, be sure to put your phone away in the following situations:
When you are out with friends.
When you are in a movie theater.
When you are in a work meeting.
When you are having a conversation.
And during important life moments.
WHEN IT COMES TO ADULT ENTERTAINMENT
When they say you can find anything on the internet, they mean it! Sometimes an innocent internet search turns up more than you bargained for.
Now, adult entertainment doesn’t just show up by accident. Sometimes people really are interested in watching “the birds and the bees” online. And that’s okay. The birds and the bees are completely natural. But we should also be careful not to bring our private viewing habits out in public.
So, as a courtesy, be sure to put away any sensitive materials in the following situations:
When you are out with friends.
When you are out to dinner.
When you are at a movie theater.
When you are in a work meeting.
When you are having a conversation.
And during important life moments.
If you share a computer, tablet, or smartphone, and if you accidentally open websites with adult content, don’t just close those websites and walk away. Clear the browsing history as well as the browser’s cookies for the next person who may use your computer.
Sexting
For adults in a romantic relationship, sending sexy messages and photos can be a lot of fun. However, as with anything involving the internet or social media, the same rules apply: Any text or image that’s sent can potentially live in cyberspace forever. In addition, the sender has no way to stop the receiver from posting or forwarding the content to someone else. So play it safe and keep things private.
If you are tempted to send a personal photo, stop to consider the potential consequences. Many a politician, celebrity, professional athlete, teacher, and police officer have had their reputations ruined or lost their jobs because they sent indiscreet photos of themselves. So think twice about what you send and whom you send it to.
WHEN DATING ONLINE
The internet has made it easier than ever to find that special someone. The available choices have thus expanded far beyond your job, school, church, drug store, or grocery store. You can choose from millions of people from all over the world!
These days, plenty of dating sites help you focus your search for Mr. or Ms. Right. Maybe you want to find someone who shares your religion, interests, or occupation, or is in your age group. Research the sites and find one that works for you.
Be Honest
Just like in real life, be yourself and you won’t go wrong. Dating sites ask you to create an “online profile.” This isn’t an avatar of all the qualities you wish you had. It’s meant to be you, so be honest! Do not just write down what you think other people want to hear.
If you do, you may find yourself sifting through all the wrong people, and you are likely to be severely disappointed.
It’s important to present yourself and your interests clearly to avoid any confusion and a lot of wasted dates.
Use a Realistic Picture
For your online profile, you may be tempted to use the best photo of yourself ever taken. Just remember: Eventually, your date will meet you in person. If the photo of you wearing that sailor costume is from ten years ago, you will now look somewhat different.
Ideally, you want to find someone who will be attracted to you for the person you really are. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t polish yourself up a little. It shows you’re making an effort. Not too glitzy, and not too dowdy. A good choice is a photo that reflects your personality and interests.
Slow Your Roll
The ability to meet so many people online also means you can date many more people. With the right profile, it’s easy to schedule a date every day. This might sound fun at first, but it’s exhausting. With so many people to fit in, you never have time to get to know someone. You may find yourself stuck in the same question-and-answer routine.
This is boring and not fair to your dates. How would you feel if you found out your date went on five other dates that week? That person might not being taking your date seriously, right? At the very least, it shows that you are not being selective. Remember, you don’t have to say yes to everyone.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, be serious about choosing your dates wisely. Weed out the people you are not really into. Just like you, those people would rather go on a date with people who are interested in them, not people who are just filling up their free night with whomever they can find. Do them the favor of not wasting their time. Honesty is the best policy!
NOW, DON’T BE A DICK!
In conclusion, remember: No one is perfect. We all do dickish things now and then. The important thing is to learn from any mistakes and try not to be a dick as much as possible. Focus on doing your best. Be proud of who you are and who you are becoming, and help others to do the same. We each have our own unique insights, talents, and traditions. Every day we can contribute something positive to the world. All you have to do is follow the Golden Rule: Treat others the same way you’d like to be treated yourself!