CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

A soft breeze carried the whir and buzz of insects through the window but brought Shade little peace. She tossed on the wide bed, Satine’s bed, a bed large enough for two, and far too big for one, imagining Satine entwined with her husband beneath the cool, linen sheets. Where was the man, anyway? Satine hadn’t spoken of him once, or her child. Either Satine was hiding them, or they didn’t exist.

“… I have no desire to keep you here.”

She kicked off the thin blanket wrapped around her legs. Why had she agreed to take Satine’s bed? She should have slept outside with Matteo and Angelo. After a mostly silent, uncomfortable meal in Satine’s kitchen, the brothers had gathered their bed rolls and left the cottage. Matteo was on the back portico, and Angelo was taking his chances with the cats on the front stoop. Elias had chuckled at their precautions, bidding them a pleasant goodnight before venturing to his own cottage. Lord Azure had rolled his eyes, but Sir Julian had simply nodded approvingly. Something like respect had crossed Matteo’s face, and he’d returned the nod to Shade’s surprise. She doubted Dante Safire would have reacted so graciously after someone called him “pup”.

Imagining his haughty sneer made her smile, and a sudden longing filled her, her heart aching. She missed him. Most of the time, she could push thoughts of Dante to the back of her mind. Her feelings for him were complicated at best, and she couldn’t afford to be distracted. Finding Satine again was bad enough – she didn’t dare throw Dante into the mix.

Satine was the least of her shocks this day. Now she understood the unease in her belly. The sense of darkness beneath this shiny place. Once she’d grown aware of it, she couldn’t shake off the feeling of dread, of fear. The blight didn’t affect the land, true, but the balance here was far more precarious than in the Wastes. Even lying in a cozy bed with the sounds and scents of a lovely night to sooth her, she felt perched on the edge of a cliff. One wrong move…

At last, Shade gave up on sleep and slid out of bed. Perhaps Satine had a bottle of brandy hidden in the cupboards. She slipped on a thin robe over the shift Satine had given her and padded into the darkened parlor, threading between the tables and chairs to the kitchen. Satine had taken the couch for the night, and she didn’t want to wake her. She glanced toward it and stopped. The couch was empty but for crumpled blankets. Across the room, a thin line of light leaked from beneath a doorway. Taking a deep breath, Shade went to it and knocked softly.

“Come in, Shade.”

Her heart thudding, Shade opened the door to a small study. Shelves heavy with leather-bound books lined most of the walls, various collections stuffed among them – carved, painted nesting dolls popular among the Golondrina, a four-quartered plaque heavy with gems, sea glass from the shores along the Golden Crescent, red rocks from the Deep Wastes, carvings and paintings from the interior Veils. The collections of a traveler. A writing desk sat against one wall, covered in papers, pens and ink jars. One large, wing-backed chair sat beneath a window, blankets and pillows adorning it as if someone used it for a bed at times.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” Satine smiled at her from where she leaned over a large table, braced on her arms. She wore her soft, white robe, and her hair was loose around her shoulders, falling in ebony waves. Shade swallowed and crossed to the table.

“What is this?” she asked, her discomfort replaced with curiosity. The tabletop had a landscape built atop it, complete with hills and ridges, lakes and rivers. She’d seen table maps before in the Brotherhood churches, but never one so detailed. The whole of Malavita was laid out across it in topographical relief. Magic had gone into its construction, she guessed, though it was magic unlike her own. The map seemed to pulse with an inner light, and lines of gold crisscrossed the land, shining just below the surface. Small translucent domes rose over the eastern and southern coasts and other sites in the interior. All the Veils in the land.

“Our land,” Satine said softly. “The whole of Malavita.”

Fascinated by the map, Shade stepped closer, studying the faint lines. “Those are qaraz, aren’t they?”

Satine nodded. “All the ones which remain untouched by the blight. They have lasted far longer than we ever dared hope. The Golondrina have done their duty well, but they were given an impossible task. They could never replace the Locorum.”

The Locorum? Shade rubbed her chin, her eyes tracing the lines on the map. “The church speaks of the Locorum only as minor spirits who reward the righteous and punish the wicked.”

Satine made a small noise of disgust. “The Locorum are spirits, but not in the way the Brotherhood think. The greatest loss we suffered in our long and horrible war was their corruption by the Unseen. They were the spirits of the land, the source of her light and magic. The Unseen ripped them from the qaraz and twisted them into creatures of darkness, using them to spread the blight. Of all the forms our enemy takes, the twisted Locorum are the worst. Yet even with their loss, we managed to keep the qaraz pure. With the help of the Golondrina, of course.” Her delicate brow furrowed, and her eyes grew distant. She spoke in a low voice and Shade had to strain to hear her. “But for some time now, the balance in the Wastes has been shifting. As precarious as it was to begin with, it has reached a tipping point…”

Shade nodded, feeling chilled. “The qaraz are being touched by the blight,” she said grimly. The lines on the map seemed to pulse, as if agreeing with her assessment. A sudden understanding struck her, and horror followed. “They’re failing, aren’t they?”

Satine leaned on her hands as if the strength had left her. “You always saw things most struggle to see. I have tried to warn the others, but they don’t want to hear it. Mostly because they feel helpless to do anything about it. It costs all we have to maintain the prison, and sometimes even that is not enough. My parents, and my beloved brother–” Her words caught in her throat for a moment, then she raised her eyes from the table. Tears silvered her lower lashes. “Sometimes there is a crack, you see, a… a… fissure in the shield. Before we can seal it, the dark power arrows free. Anyone in its path is destroyed. Horribly. My parents were burned beyond saving, and my brother… my brother disappeared entirely.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” Sympathy swelled Shade’s heart, and she slipped around the side of the map to stand near Satine. With every step, she felt like she was walking backwards in time. “You never told me about your family. I only–” and now it was her words catching in her throat. She swallowed past the ache. “I only met your husband, and your son.”

Satine’s cheeks colored, and her eyes grew shadowed with guilt. “I–I don’t have any children, Shade,” she said softly. Her lips pressed together briefly, before she added in a rush, “Or a husband.”

Though she had suspected it, hearing it was different. Shade gripped the edge of the table to steady herself. Betrayal ripped through her gut like a sharp blade. “Why?” she said, the word scraping her throat. Tears pricked her eyes, and this time she didn’t fight them. “Why did you lie? Did you hate me so much?”

The words sounded so pathetic, but Shade couldn’t help herself. She needed to know.

“I didn’t expect to find you,” Satine said, her voice small. “But when I did, I had to help you. Your wards, Shade, no one else could have inked you as I did. Not even a Brotherhood master. You… You needed my magic, my expertise. With the Wild Power in your reach, you would have died without proper tattoos.”

“Is that all I was? A task?” Shade couldn’t look at Satine. She stared at the table map, her gaze blurred by tears. She swallowed her hurt. “I guess I was rather pathetic. Broken, lost, a girl desperate for friendship, for love. I suppose I should be thankful for your attention.” She lifted her head, blinking rapidly, and pinned Satine with a hard glare. “You didn’t have to make up some imaginary family. You could have told me the truth and sent me on my way.”

“My… husband and son were part of my disguise,” she said. “I couldn’t tell you the truth without revealing my secret to the rest of the caravan. Only a select few of the Kindred know we travel among them. They stand guard to protect the Bastion, but they never enter it, and it is safer for them not to know we leave it. And I didn’t expect you to come after me. It was such a shock. I… I thought it would be easier for you–”

Shade erupted in bitter laughter. “Oh, yes, Satine. It was so much easier for me, thinking I’d never meant anything to you.”

“Oh, my sweet girl, you know that isn’t true…”

Sweet girl…

Suddenly, Shade couldn’t breathe. It was even worse than in the parlor. How many times had Satine called her that? It hurt to the bone to hear her say it, but it melted her anger in a rush, leaving only the hurt.

“Shade.” Satine spoke gently. “I am bound to this place. I am not free to love you like you deserve. If I’d brought you here before you were strong, you would have been trapped. And that would have been a tragedy. You are meant for a far greater destiny than to be a Guardian. But. Don’t ever think there isn’t love in my heart for you. Don’t regret our time together, don’t recall me with bitterness. Please…”

Something loosened in her chest, and Shade found she could breathe again. The burn of tears threatened to overwhelm her. She put a hand over her eyes, and then Satine was beside her, pulling her into an embrace. Shade stopped fighting. Tears washed down her face as Satine held her, washing away her pain, her bitterness.

“I loved you,” she said, wrapping her arms around Satine’s slim torso and burying her face in her silky hair. “You saved me. You… You brought me back to life.”

“Oh, my sweet girl, I loved you, too. Never doubt that. You were my treasure, my jewel. I would have kept you if I could have. But you were never mine to keep.”

Satine stroked her hair, cradling her head to her shoulder. The house was silent, the night beyond still. Shade took a shuddering breath, the ache in her throat easing. Satine’s slender, graceful body was pressed against hers, and every curve of her was achingly familiar. Her breath quickened. She buried her face in the crook of her neck, drawing in her scent. Jasmine and spice, clean soap and fresh herbs. It sparked her memories, and she was a girl again in her first lover’s arms.

“Satine,” she whispered, moving her lips to her soft earlobe. She nipped it lightly. “I have missed you…”

Satine’s warm lips brushed her neck. “I’ve missed you, too.” Her arms tightened, squeezing hard, but then she broke free. Her face was flushed, but there was a sad smile on her full, rosy lips. “But you are not here for me.”

Shade clasped her wrist, not wanting to let go. “We could have tonight,” she said breathlessly. “Just one last night together…”

“We already had our last night together.”

There was deep regret in Satine’s golden eyes, but her words held a finality that cooled Shade’s ardor. She waited for the pain to hit, for the rejection to crush her. Instead, she felt strangely relieved. She rubbed her thumb along the bottom of Satine’s wrist, feeling her pulse. Rapid and strong. So, it wasn’t easy for Satine to turn her down. But it wasn’t wrong…

Shade released her and adjusted her thin robe. “I don’t recall you being the more inhibited one,” she said, smiling to take the sting from her words. “I think you might regret your choice in the clear light of morning.”

Satine sighed, long and deep. “I imagine you’re right, though regret is too small a word…”

Laughing softly, Shade pulled her into a quick, fierce hug. “Thank you for saying that,” she said and released her. She ran a hand over her eyes, and felt a lightness enter her as she let go of a burden she’d carried for years. Satine had loved her.

A glint of light made her turn toward the map table. The lines of the qaraz brightened as she gazed on them, and a sudden certainty filled her: she had loved Satine, too, but staying with her would have been a mistake. She was meant for more.

“They are all connected,” she said, her finger hovering over the line of one qaraz, tracing it from the coast to the Deep Wastes. She walked around the table, her fingers passing over nodes of light burning at the intersections of multiple qaraz. Many were covered with the dome of a Veil. And all the lines eventually passed through one spot on the map – a bright, shining brilliance not far from the Glass Fields, but one without the representation of a Veil above it. Like a spider at the center of its web, it touched every bright line. She leaned over the table and held her hand over it. “What is this?” she asked, though she already knew.

“The Nexus,” Satine said. She stood on the other side of the table, watching her. A delicate line appeared between her brows. “A very powerful place.”

Suspicion tugged at her. “Why has no one raised a Veil there?”

“The Brotherhood did, long ago. Their new Veils were growing weak, flawed. They thought raising one in a place of power would help. It did not. The Veil collapsed almost instantly, killing the priests who’d raised it and damaging several other Veils nearby. Another Veil at the Nexus – as they understand how to raise one – would lead to catastrophe.”

Catastrophe…

Satine’s answer didn’t shock her as much as she’d thought it would. “What sort of catastrophe?” she asked. “What would happen?”

“If you raised your Veil there with cornerstones torn from the earth and not born from your flesh, you would have tipped the balance entirely. It would have caused a chain reaction leading to the fall of every Veil in Malavita.”

Her head spun and the table map blurred. “That’s where the Coterie insisted I raise my Veil. Those fools. I’m glad I refused them.”

Satine turned pale as a ghost. “The Coterie wanted you to raise your Veil at the Nexus?” At Shade’s nod, she sagged against the table. “Our agents warned them years ago to cease their quest for a Veil. Threatened, actually. Thankfully, they didn’t have the knowledge to raise one using Brotherhood stones. It isn’t part of Sicani lore. It was the only thing stopping them.”

“And then I came along,” Shade said. “Bastard,” she growled. “He knew what would happen. They all did. Why? Why by all the Faces would they lead me down a path to destruction?”

“I always knew they were twisted in their ambitions. But this is madness. If the Veils fall, it will disrupt all the magic in the land. The qaraz will be tainted, and the blight will consume even the Last Bastion. If that happens, the Unseen will break free.” She raised a trembling hand to her lips. “War would consume Malavita once more.”

“And that is want they want,” Shade said flatly. “They want to finish the war with the Unseen. No matter what it costs.” She crossed her arms, staring hard at the Nexus. “I’m glad I thwarted their plot.”

“But, Shade, my sweet girl,” Satine said reluctantly. “You must raise your Veil at the Nexus.”

“What? You just said it was madness!”

“A true Veil at the Nexus will touch every qaraz. Its power will cleanse the lines of power and restore the flawed Veils of the Brotherhood. Balance will return to the Wastes.”

“And if I fail?”

“If you fail… If your magic fails, or your will, then it will be as if you’d raised a false Veil.”

“Every Veil destroyed,” Shade finished for her. She held herself tightly. She hated being backed into a corner. “You called me beyond the mountains, and now you’re telling me my destiny lies at the Nexus?”

“I had to bring you here first,” Satine said apologetically. “Not just to impart knowledge about the Veils, but about the Unseen. You need to understand the danger you face.”

“From demons?” she scoffed. “I have enemies enough as it is, Satine.” Sudden anger made her grind her teeth. So, she’d end up raising her Veil where Korin wanted, anyway. But her Veil would stand despite his duplicity! Faces spit on that old bastard.

“Korin Illario is a dead man,” she said.

“Korin Illario?” Satine exclaimed, startling her.

“You know him?”

Horror widened Satine’s eyes. “Korin Illario was exiled from the Last Bastion decades ago for trying to break the Unseen’s prison. He is one of us, Shade. He is a Sicani!”