CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The journey through the qaraz was like being plunged into a raging river. The golden light was blinding and made her eyes ache even though she kept her lids squeezed shut. She tumbled helplessly and clung to Matteo as if he were a sturdy branch. How long would it take to reach the Nexus from the center of the Glass Fields? She couldn’t take much more of this!

Then, suddenly, the world stabilized. There was ground beneath her feet, and the light faded to comforting darkness. Cold struck her and she shivered violently. In her arms, Matteo was sobbing. He clutched at her, his legs giving out. Shade made soothing noises, easing him to the ground, holding him close while he wept.

They were in the Wastes, she knew by the cold and the hard sand beneath her knees, but beyond that she knew nothing. It was hard to think, hard to do anything but feel. They had lost Angelo, she had lost Satine – again. She wasn’t even sure where they were; she couldn’t focus enough to get her bearings. By the light, she thought it might be dusk, and a vague alarm filled her. Night was coming. They had to draw circles of protection. Every moment they wasted their danger grew.

“Matteo,” she said, taking his face in her hands. “Matteo, listen to me. We aren’t safe.”

“Why did he do it?” He grabbed her, his entire body shuddering. His wild, red-rimmed eyes fixed on her. “Why?”

She shook her head, her throat aching. “I… I think he had to,” she said at last when she could speak. “He did it for us.”

“He’s gone.” His face crumpled, his eyes squeezing shut. “He’s gone forever.”

“No. No. I refuse to believe that. Please, Matteo, please…”

She kissed him gently to calm him, to ground him. He started, his eyes flying open in shock. Holding his gaze, she stroked his cheeks. He took a deep, shuddering breath. His entire frame trembled, but he grew calm. Relieved, she kissed him again, intending a chaste, sisterly peck on his lips, but his arms went around her, pulling her hard against him. His lips devoured hers, and fire roared in her belly, rose up her chest and shivered through her limbs. His hands slid beneath her vest, hot against her bare back and she cleaved to him, seeking his heat in the frigid air.

Grief and fear and pain vanished in a whirlwind of desire and need. She pulled Matteo down to the hard sands, stroking his muscled flanks and broad chest, reveling in the feel of him – so solid and strong and real. His burning hands moved to cup her breasts, trapped beneath her vest. Moaning, she tugged at the ties of her vest, ripping it open for him. His mouth found her skin, teasing and warm. She arched her back, rising to meet him. The cold air struck her hot skin, making her shiver, and she clasped his warm body closer. Her hands moved to his armored kilt, pulling it up to get at the linen bindings wrapped around his loins while he worked to remove her skirt with deft, eager motions.

“Shade,” he murmured, his lips roaming her body when they both lay naked together. He groaned as her hand grasped his ready member. Breathing heavily, he rose onto his hands, letting her guide him to her. Desire contorted his face, and his burning gaze met hers as they joined. Shade let loose a wild cry, heedless of attracting enemies.

With the cold blackness of the Wastes the only witness, they lost themselves, finding heat and joy and comfort. Grief hovered at the edges of their awareness, and neither wanted to face it. They chose to drown in each other instead. They rose together to the peak, moving as one in an urgent rhythm, then fell together afterwards into sweet oblivion.

Later, stars bright above them, limbs entwined in a tangled heap, panting, satiated, Shade held Matteo close and ran her fingers through his dark, silky hair. His chest rose and fell in untroubled sleep. No circles had been set, but she felt no concern. If there were beasts close enough to threaten them, they would have come by now. Even the blight seemed distant. Satine had not sent them out to die. The earth beneath them radiated warmth and peace, something she hadn’t noticed in the throes of passion. They lay upon a qaraz – no, several qaraz, and it formed a node of clean power, stronger protection than any circle she could have drawn.

They were at the Nexus.

The warmth of the sun pulled Shade up from the depths of exhaustion. The ground was hard beneath her, small rocks jabbed her back and buttocks, and a warm body lay close, a heavy arm and a muscular leg thrown across her. It was late, she could tell by the heat in the air, but she was sore and tired and chilled after a freezing night spent without shelter – the Nexus had kept the beasts away, but not the cold – and her heart ached with loss. She had promised to keep her companions safe, vowed to take them through the Glass Fields unscathed, and she had lost Angelo. It was cold comfort to know he had stayed behind willingly.

When Matteo woke, would he hate her? Gently, she stroked his arm, tracing his tattoos – disembodied claws and nightmarish faces growing from branches and vines. Strangely violent imagery for such a gentle man. Their night of passion replayed itself in her mind and she felt a warm ache pinch her belly. Before last night she hadn’t considered Matteo as anything other than a friend, though he was strong and handsome, brave and funny. She couldn’t bear the thought that he would blame her for Angelo.

She ran her fingers up his arm to his shoulder and down again, gently stroking his tattooed skin. Her sensitive fingertips felt the tracery of healed scars across his skin, the same faint scars she bore as well. One cost of their magic. Dante Safire had more scars on his skin, she recalled with a vague sense of guilt. It passed swiftly. Things between her and Dante would always be complicated. She and Matteo had turned to each other out of need, pure and simple. They had nothing to feel guilty about. She shifted closer to him, pressing her face into his chest, breathing in his scent.

Matteo stirred. He adjusted himself to take his weight off her and gathered her into his arms. She felt him kiss the top of her head and the heat in her belly flared. His reaction to her was immediately apparent since they lay skin to skin. Absently, she hoped they hadn’t ruined any of their clothing in their eagerness to remove it. They weren’t exactly well-equipped out here, even if this Nexus would keep them relatively safe.

Thoughts of survival and safety slipped to the back of her mind as her body’s response to his caresses consumed her.

The sun’s heat beat down on them when they finally collapsed together in a sweaty knot of limbs and tangled hair. Panting, Shade managed a soft laugh. “You certainly know how to wake a girl.”

He rolled onto his elbow to look down at her. His cheeks were flushed and his brow creased. “Shade, I didn’t… I mean, I’m sor–”

“Don’t.” She put her fingers over his lips. “Don’t say you’re sorry. I’m not. We needed comfort last night, and we found it.” She smiled. “This… This was for us. I don’t regret any of it.”

His eyes were still troubled, appearing almost gray in the bright light. “I know you and Prince Safire…” His voice trailed off, and he looked away, loose strands of his dark hair falling over his brow. “I know I shouldn’t have let this happen. I shouldn’t have given in to…to my feelings. But I’ve wanted you for so long.”

“Have you?” Surprised, she reached up to brush his hair back from his face. “You never acted like it.”

He looked down at her with a crooked smile. “I thought it was obvious. Angelo was always warning me not to stare at you.” A chuckle rumbled deep in his chest, then his expression darkened, and his eyes squeezed shut in sudden pain.

She caressed his face. “Matteo,” she whispered.

His eyes opened, desire smoldered in their depths, and his hand tightened on her hip. “Keep saying my name like that, and I may be ready to ‘comfort’ you again.”

Regretfully, Shade extricated herself from his arms. Her clothes were scattered nearby, thankfully intact. She got to her feet and dressed while Matteo did the same. The sun was brutal above them, they needed shade and water. She was buckling on her knife belt when Matteo called to her. He was kneeling beside two satchels resting on the red earth, rifling through their contents. Grim-faced, he looked at her. “I guess they didn’t dump us out here to die, at least. We have rations, and a water skin apiece.”

Well, that was one less thing to worry about. Hills surrounded them, some broken and jagged, others smooth-sloped and almost whole. The Razor Ridge mountains rose to the west, but the hills hid the land in all other directions. She faced the mountains and felt a moment of disorientation. This place was… familiar. A valley between two broken hills. A valley she recognized.

“This is the place,” she whispered. She closed her eyes briefly and gripped her blades. “Thank you, Satine…”

“Do you know where we are?” Matteo asked, coming to stand beside her. He stood close but didn’t touch her as if suddenly shy even after all that had happened.

“The Nexus,” she said. “This is where I was meant to come, not the lands of the Kindred. Here.” She looked at him. His jaw was clenched as he stared at the hills. “You know what I have to do now, don’t you?”

He tensed and his hands went to his blades reflexively. “I know, but… do you really have to? The magic,” and he shivered in spite of the heat. “It’s so dangerous. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“No,” she admitted with a shaky laugh. The memory of that awful magic filled her with a bone-deep terror, and she began to shiver. By the Faces, what was wrong with her? Why was she being so weak?

“Shade…”

Matteo gathered her into his arms. He was tall – her head fit neatly beneath his chin. Her shivers turned to uncontrollable shaking as she fought the fear rising within her. She released her blades and clung to him, her arms wrapping around his waist.

“I don’t want to do this,” she said, and felt his arms squeeze tight.

“Then don’t. I won’t tell anyone.”

Her laugh was half-sob, but, slowly, her trembling ceased, and she no longer felt overwhelming terror. She released a long, shuddering breath, relaxing against him. “I don’t want to do this,” she repeated, more firmly this time. She could feel the slow thump of his heart where her ear was pressed against his broad chest. It calmed her, steadied her. “But I will.”