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MADELINE
The Night Before...
I wake again locked in this jail cell. No one will tell me what I did to land myself here. Aren’t they supposed to give me a phone call? Big Daddy Jesus is no help. He just gives me the side eye every time I ask a question.
“Look, the food here is shit. I don’t like to read, so stop trying to push your books on me, and can I please get some decent toilet paper?” Again, with the nonresponse. “Whatever, dude. Aren’t you supposed to be my savior or something? You really are not living up to your name. I should call your daddy.”
He walks away, leaving my line of sight. Now I am alone.
“Oh, come on. I didn’t mean it. Please don’t leave me alone again. Don’t you have other prisoners here? Is there at least yard time? When are you going to let me out of here?!” I scream down the empty hall.
He does not return. I flop down on the thin mattress and sulk, just as I did yesterday and the day before. When was the last time they brought me any food? A cheeseburger sounds really good right about now. Oh, and some fries. No, cheese fries. Time drifts on while I dream about fried food.
“Hello, Miss Moore?” Someone is here, pulling me out of my salivating food dreams.
“The name is Madeline,” I say in a dry tone before looking up. When I do, my eyes meet a smart-looking older man. It is hard to tell who he is, or what he represents. Is he a lawyer, a doctor, a detective? It’s a mystery. “Who. Are. You?” I pronounce each word in their own sentence. The goal is to throw him off, just as he is doing to me, just by being here in his non-descriptive attire.
“Madeline. That is a beautiful name.” He grabs a chair from the far wall and brings it closer to the bars, then takes a seat. “My name is Dr. Benjamin Haque. I am the resident psychiatrist at this facility. Do you know where you are right now?”
I make a show with my hands, presenting the room around me. “Isn’t it obvious with these accommodations? I am the guest of honor at tonight’s awards ceremony. We are in New York, and I will be receiving an award for best actress.”
“I believe with that attitude, it might happen,” he replies.
“Just watch,” I say, standing then circling the room with my head held high and both hands on my hips.
“So, you’re a shrink. Cool. I fucked a shrink once. Wasn’t all that bad.” This lie makes me think of Kent. What is he doing right now? Does he know where I am? Does he care?
“That is some deeply personal information you just shared, Madeline. Is it true?”
Look at him, already calling me out on my bullshit.
“I like you. You don’t skirt around shit!” Not at all like those assholes my parents tried to stick me with as a teenager.
“Madeline. Since you know where you are and why you are here. Tell me, are there any questions I can answer for you?” he asks.
I like him even more now that he chooses to play along.
“Funny,” I fake laugh hysterically. It goes on a little too long, so I squash it and move to the bars right in front of him. “Really, let’s cut the crap. I woke up in this cell a few days ago, assuming I was in a drunk tank, for obvious reasons. I was sober, by the way, no matter what day it was. Sometimes I have a vibe that makes people think otherwise. No one would tell me anything then, fine, but enough is enough. Why was I arrested, and why are you here now?”
The sad part is that I don’t know why I was arrested because it could be one of many things, or maybe all of them. Have they connected me to the murders? I don’t want to go down for killing people who deserved to die, but I would rather it be me over my sister. I saw the police talking to her. Did she say something? Did she rat me out? No, it could not be. She didn’t even know. I mean, if she would have just spared a moment to talk to me, I might have spilled the tea, but that never happened. She went along, the entire time I was there, as if I wasn’t.
“Is there a reason why you might be detained?” he inquires, pulling my attention back to him.
My hands slide down the bars as I squat. I keep my eyes level with this strange doctor as I release a massive fart that feels so good.
“Oh, yeah!” I announce. His face never changes as he writes stupid notes down in his stupid notebook. “Really, nothing?”
“I can see you like attention,” he states.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” My lashing out is not helping this situation, and I know it. “Never mind, I don’t care what you think, anyway. No, there is no reason for me to be here. Wherever this is. Aren’t I supposed to be read some rights or something?”
“Yes, you are correct, and you were. The officers read you your rights when they arrested you at your workplace five days ago,” he states. Even though his words bleed with arrogance, the way he delivers them is soothing. Weird.
“Nope, never happened. Also, I don’t even have a workplace, so strike two.”
“Hmm.” He shrugs. “Interesting.”
“No, nothing about this is interesting. Okay, I can see how it might look from an outsider. The details are interesting, but only if you don’t have all the facts. Look, I was with my boyfriend. I went back to my sister’s place, and then the next thing I know, here I am. Nothing interesting about that at all,” I admit. Did I say too much?
“Who is this boyfriend that you were with? You said his name was Kent the other day. You asked Jesus to call him for you. Does this Kent guy also go by the name of Dr. Pratt?”
“Okay, look,” I plead. “You cannot associate me with him. Kent is not the same Dr. Pratt that my sister works with. He is not the guy that she went on a date with, and it failed miserably. This is a completely different guy. I know what you are thinking, and it’s not like that.”
His brow furrows. “What is it that I am thinking, Madeline?”
“You are judging me because I hooked up with a guy my sister deemed unworthy. That is not the case. I mean, it is a little like that, but you need the backstory.”
“I assume you are going to enlighten me with said backstory?” he asks.
“You bet your ass I am. So, my sister went on this date...” I proceed to tell him every detail because that is how I am. I have no filter, and no one is here to stop me.
“So, you see,” I say, coming to the end of this story, “he might not have been perfect for Mal, but he is the perfect match for me. Trust me, I have been through a lot of guys looking for Mr. Right. None of them even came close. Kent is it for me. I just don’t know how my sister will take it. Especially after what her ex did to her. On a real note, I came here trying to make amends. This is going to totally derail that plan. Tell me, will this work out, or am I completely out of my mind?” I ask while sticking my cheeks between the bars and giving the good doctor a big smile.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer that,” I say after one second of silence and then stand up. I begin pacing my small cell. “I’m so stupid. Mal hasn’t even forgiven me for leaving. How could I ask for her blessing with this?”
“Madeline?” The doctor speaks. I did not realize I was hoarding all the verbal space here, but apparently, I am. “Can I call you Madeline, or do you prefer something else?”
“Madeline is fine. Or Mad, whatever you prefer. I give no shits.”
“Well, then, Mad it is. Mad, from what I have gathered in our short time together, you came back looking to build a relationship with your sister, Mallory. Is that correct?”
I shrug. “That about sums it up. Wait, no! Honestly, I didn’t want so much of a relationship as much as I wanted forgiveness. I feel bad about the way I left things and want to make it up to her. That is why...”
“That is why...what?” he asks after I fail to complete my sentence.
“It’s why I came back. I wanted to make things right. She was struggling in life—unhappy—just powering through every day. If I could just get rid of the obstacles, the reason for her unhappiness, then she would be okay. It didn’t work, did it? That’s why I am here now. I got caught trying to do right by my sister and now she will hate me forever.”
“And what was it you did to try and make things right?” Dr. Haque asks.
“Oh, please!” I shout. “You already know. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be talking between bars. Hell, we wouldn’t even be talking at all. See, my sister was stuck in this life she thought she wanted once upon a time, but it was making her miserable. I wanted to change that for her. Put her on top for once. She didn’t see that. No, she never saw what she was truly capable of. I came back to make things right, but to also make things better. Mal deserves everything, and she continues to deny her worth. You could never relate to any of this.”
“Maybe not,” he admits. “Thank you for your insight. I understand you had good intentions, but people got hurt in the process. People died. Did you mean for that to happen?”
“Okay, Freud, this session is over. We are done here.”
“I can see you need some time. Please call for me if you ever want to talk again,” he says while standing, returning the chair to its proper place, then leaving me alone. Just like everyone else in my life, they give up and leave me to deal with the heavy shit on my own.
“Why the fuck will no one tell me what’s going on?” I scream.