Lisa doesn’t answer her phone. She doesn’t answer my texts. She’s not online. Maybe she’s sick or too busy with homework to answer or go online and see the video.
Yeah right, and maybe I’m Doom Master.
Denny doesn’t answer his phone. He doesn’t answer my texts. He’s not online. He’s not sick or busy with homework. He’s…never mind. I’m not going to say what Denny is.
I help Chuck with the drywall, which is not bad, because he only mentions the video once. “That’s the kind of thing Gonzo would have done after a few brewskis,” Chuck says. I think it’s a compliment.
The next morning Mom’s already dressed for work when I come into the kitchen. She’s finishing her coffee. Her laptop is open on the table again. “Hey, video star,” she says, “Guess what? Nine hundred and thirty-eight thousand and twelve—no, fifteen hits. You’ve gone viral!”
I wonder if I can say I’m sick and then hide in the man cave all day. I know it’s not going to happen. Besides, I want to find Denny and yell at him.
I keep my earbuds in and the hood of my hoodie up all the way to school. It’s no use. Before I get to my locker, I get asked six times to do the bulging eyes and three times to “fall over like that.” A teacher tells me we are featured on badmusicvideos.com.
“Thanks,” I say, and I wish I could climb inside my locker and stay there till suppertime.
I can’t. I have to go to class. All morning I feel people looking at me, especially every time I want to do a quick nose dig or pick at a zit. All morning I hear the whispers and giggles. By lunch I’m way tired of being asked if I have a Doom Master sandwich today. And there’s still no Lisa and no Denny. Denny and I have gym together last period. He’d better be there.
I make sure to get to the change room almost too late for class. That way most of the guys are already out in the gym. A couple are left though.
“Hey, Pop Top!”
“Do the eyes!”
“No, fall on your butt!”
It turns out that I have a secret weapon against them when I open my backpack.
“Whoa, baby!”
“Something die in there, Ace?”
They hustle out. I pull on my shorts and T-shirt. By now they smell so disgusting, they’re grossing even me out. Maybe I’ll feed them to Denny after I finish yelling at him. I head into the gym. And there’s Denny. I start toward him. The gym teacher’s whistle blows. “All right, three gym laps to warm up, then pair up on the mats with your wrestling partner.”
Guess who my partner is going to be? Denny doesn’t look at me, but he must know I’m after him, because he runs way faster than usual. We’re both out of breath by the time the whistle blows.
“Oh, hi, Ace,’” he pants, as if he’s just noticed me. Then, “Wow, man, no offense, but it might be time to wash your gym stuff.”
“Yeah, well, you’d know all about stinking a place out, Den. What did you think you were do—”
“Denny, Ace, put a lid on it,” calls the gym teacher. Then he calls me out onto the mat so he can demonstrate a new takedown. I get down on my knees in defense position, and the teacher fake-gasps.
“Something die and you roll in it, Ace? Time to do a little laundry, huh?” he says. Everyone laughs but me. Then he grabs me like I’m a couple of dry twigs and tells the class, “Now, if I do this takedown right, Ace’s eyes are going to bulge out like they did on his video.” There’s another laugh, then he squashes me.
When I get back to Denny, I try squashing him. I’m not very good at it, but it must hurt a little, because after the third time, Denny says, with his face in the mat, “Okay, okay, take it easy.”
“Why should I?” I get off him. “You made us look like goofs.”
“Oh, come on. It’s just stuff from the blooper reel. I told you I made one.”
“That’s no blooper reel, Den. It was all put together and synced with the music.”
“No, but it was stuff from the blooper reel. We only put it together for fun. And I didn’t post it.”
“We? Who’s we? Who posted it?”
“The girls, I guess. Hey, it’s your turn to get down.”
I kneel on the gym mat. “What girls?”
Denny gets down beside me. “You know. Nadia and Alison, from video club. They helped me with some of the editing for the real video. After, we were goofing around with some of the other bits, and we shot a little bit more. It was pretty funny when Alison threw the cutlets in the air. I never would have guessed Lisa used cutlets, would you? I mean, if they were hers.”
“Nadia and Alison helped you?”
“Yeah, why? It’s no biggie.” Denny grabs my arms and dumps me to the mat.
“They both hate Lisa, you dork.”
“They do? Why?”
“I don’t know,” I say. It’s hard to breathe with Denny on top of me. “Get off.” I get back on my knees. “It’s something about boys is all I know. So take the stupid video down.”
“I can’t.” Denny grabs me again. “Anyway, it’s already gone viral. Besides, this isn’t just about you, Ace. Think about me. I’ve got my fans, my career. This is huge for me. I can’t take down my first big hit.”
“Fans? Career? What fa—”
Denny dumps me to the mat. “Hey, Ace, I know girls. Nobody meant anything bad by it. It’s like a collage. It’s supposed to be ironic. It’s part of my oeuvre.”
“Your what?” I say into the mat. “You don’t even know what those words mean.” Neither do I. I’ll have to look them up. “Get off me!”
Denny lets me up. I look at him. “Sorry.” He shrugs.
The thing is, he’s telling the truth. I’ve known Denny since grade two. He’s not a good liar. I glare at him. Denny says, “Look on the bright side. You wanted your music out there, right?”