Chapter Three

Before

9/6

Dear Diary,

Ah, the first day of school. Nothing’s quite like it. That’s why I’m finally writing in you. Kit’s the real writer in the family, but it seems like a waste because nothing interesting ever happens to her. Or to any of us.

This year is going to be different, though.

Hopefully.

Everyone’s awake, and it sounds like the house is going to come down in all the commotion outside my door. Tessa has spent all morning moaning about how she lost one of her shoes or something (how do you lose just one, by the way?), while sucking on a giant mug of black coffee (which, ew). Kit keeps racing up and down the stairs, putting in her earrings while sorting through notebooks while also carrying on a full conversation with Mom about her after-school plans—some dizzying combo of volunteering, tutoring, and babysitting.

Diary, I don’t care about any of that.

Diary, I have locked my door, and I plan to lock you, too, which is why I can first tell you this:

I’m naked right now. (!!!!)

Not to be vain (vein?), but I’ve been staring at myself in the mirror, feeling ready, finally. I mean, not ready for school, obviously. (!!!) But ready-ready. As in, ready for things to start happening.

I’m a sophomore now. My face is still too big for the rest of me, and the gap between my teeth has not disappeared, despite what Mom keeps saying. As for my boobs, they are bigger than plums but smaller, I think, than oranges. My hips are rounded at the sides but sharp in front. The carpet, newly trimmed, matches the drapes. (Ugh, I really hate that phrase, it’s so gross!!! And why are our bodies supposed to be compared to stuffy old living rooms? Anyway, I finally decided last night that if I’m going to be stuck with fire crotch my whole life—and everyone being able to guess at it—then it may as well be a neat and tidy fire down there!!)

I wonder whether anyone can see me through the window blinds right now.

Okay, not anyone. (Boyd.)

Here are the reasons BND (Boy Next Door) is fated to be my boyfriend:

1. He once rescued me from an angry pit bull.
2. He protects me from my sisters during snowball fights.
3. He lets me go first in board games.
4. I’ve just always imagined that he would be my first! Do I need more reason than that?

Hold on, Diary, I’ll be right back. . . .

Yeah no, his blinds are down.

Whatever. Hold on, again. I need to get dressed. . . .

Okay, I’m back. Sorry that took so long. I spent all my school-clothes money (and part of Tessa’s leftover budget since what does she need it for when she literally only wears those ratty jeans with tank tops every day?), but it still took me forty-five minutes to decide what to wear. Here goes: a floral jumper from Lupine and a blazer that used to be Mom’s, with the sleeves rolled up. It’s a mix of retro and easy!

I just heard the screen door slam.

And now Boyd is outside honking his truck. He seriously almost made me mess up my eyeliner.

Another honk.

Deep breath.

It’s Go Time.

Lilly slammed her diary shut and shoved it under her mattress. “For fuck’s sake, I’m coming!” she called out.

“Let’s have less cursing, sweetie,” her mom said as Lilly burst out of her room with her bag in one hand and took the strawberry Pop-Tart wrapped in two layers of napkin her mother held out to her with the other.

“Sure, Mom.” What the fuck had she even said?

She jogged down the driveway and hopped up into the cab of the truck. Even though Kit had scooted over as far as she could, Lilly still had to shove her way in so she could fit her entire butt and shoulder bag in the car. “This is getting cozy,” she said to everybody.

“You’re welcome to walk,” Tessa replied, taking a sip from a giant to-go mug. The scent of her coffee filled the cabin and probably ruined the smell of Lilly’s hair forever. Tessa was squeezed on the bench seat right up next to Boyd, who sat, obviously, behind the wheel. Next came Kit, and Lilly on the end.

“You’re welcome to not be a bitch,” Lilly told her, shuffling her bag down near her feet so she could finish her breakfast.

Tessa grinned from the corner of her mouth. “Touché.” She sighed dramatically, resting her head on Boyd’s shoulder while he pulled out of the driveway. “Another year. Another opportunity to revel in the glory of DLHS.”

Boyd laughed. “We’re halfway through, Tess. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”

Kit put one arm around each of them, and Lilly got a whiff of her perfume—something with jasmine. “What’s everyone most excited about?”

Boyd shrugged. “Seeing Mrs. Barrington.”

They all laughed. Mrs. Barrington was one of the lunch ladies, and she had eyes only for Boyd.

“Learning geometry,” Lilly said. “Just kidding. Probably wearing all of my new clothes.”

“Advanced English,” Kit said.

Lilly had to snort, despite what Kit said about snorting (that it is not classy).

Tessa sighed. “Well, I’m most looking forward to it all being over in two hundred and eighty-eight days.”

“Tess.” Kit rolled her eyes.

“Okay, then, I’m most looking forward to winter break.”

Classic Tessa. Boyd laughed.

“It’s going to be a good one. I can feel it,” Kit announced to no one.

Tessa sniffed—which was apparently classier than snorting. “Easy for you to say. You’ve aced all your classes. All you have to do is coast this year.”

“Yeah,” Boyd put in. “Didn’t you get like only one B?”

“It was a B-plus,” Lilly said, finishing her Pop-Tart.

Kit turned to her. “How do you know?”

“Because I looked at your report card.” Lilly rolled down the window for some air, trying to not ruin the first day of school by showing up wrinkled and sweaty.

Kit pulled her arms back to her sides. “Lilly, no one gave you permission to do that!”

“Since when do I need permission? We’re flesh and blood, right?” It was hard to explain, but Lilly kind of liked it when Kit yelled at her. Like something she’d done mattered. Besides, it was not fair that Tessa always seemed to know things about Kit instinctively, without even having to ask. It was their whole chimerism thing, which Lilly had honestly never totally gotten. Tessa shared some of Kit’s DNA from birth, and the result was that Tessa had a built-in excuse to act like a moody brat whenever she felt like it, and to claim she “understood” Kit better than anyone. It went beyond biology to more eerie stuff. Like, even though they had different personalities, sometimes they’d say the same thought out loud at the same time. And occasionally when Tessa woke from a nightmare, she’d find Kit was having the same one—or so they claimed.

“Kit, we all know your grades,” Boyd said. He lifted a hand off the wheel to run it through his floppy hair, causing Tessa’s head to bob away from his shoulder and sending a domino effect of shuffling throughout the cabin of the car. “Pretty sure the whole school knows. It’s kind of like a thing.”

Lilly grinned, giving herself an internal high five like she did whenever Boyd took her side.

Kit leaned forward to look at him. “A thing?”

Lilly could practically hear Tessa’s eyes rolling. “Yeah,” Tessa clarified. “An everyone-knows-Katherine-Malloy-is-King-Midas-and-everything-she-touches-turns-to-gold thing.”

“That’s absurd,” Kit said as the truck turned into the parking lot and Boyd swung them into one of the few remaining spots. “And let’s hope it’s not true. Didn’t Midas die alone and unloved?”

“Whatever,” Tessa replied.

Lilly had no answer—she was barely listening by then.

Kit shrugged. “Well, lucky for you guys, I saved all of my notes and study guides.”

“Yeah, lucky us!” Lilly said, already halfway out of the truck. She didn’t care that much about grades, and knew she had a full year before testing for colleges would even matter. She hoped to focus on other types of scoring in the meantime.

And as much as she would have liked to linger and quiz Boyd about the status of his blinds this morning, it wasn’t going to happen with both of her sisters around, like always.

She spotted Melissa and Darcy sitting on the front steps and headed their way, slowing down when Mel noticed her and Dar waved.

Eager was pathetic.

She was working on being less eager.

As she got closer, she noticed Dar had gotten thinner since she’d left to spend all of August at her dad’s house; an overlarge black sweater drowned her frame. Mel looked exactly the same as always—in fact, she appeared to be wearing a favorite outfit from freshman year, consisting of tight red jeans, a striped button-down, and a silk scarf Lilly had given her last Christmas. But her smile looked more like a smirk.

Lilly bent for a three-way hug, then dropped her bag and took her spot, a step lower than the other two. Mel passed her a half-finished diet Dr Pepper. It was their tradition to share one before school every single day of the year. It had started sometime in eighth grade and just stuck.

Lilly took a big slurp, then passed the can to Dar. “So what did I miss?”

Dar blew her blond bangs out of her face. “We were just talking about the Donovan kid.”

“Kid?” Lilly knew of the Donovans—the elderly couple who lived on the little cul-de-sac right off 28, at the edge of the preserve. They were on Kit’s volunteer circuit and pretty close to Mel’s house as well. Liam Donovan was losing his mind, Kit said. And the wife—Lilly couldn’t remember her name—had apparently gone half blind. Lilly had heard nothing about a kid, though.

“Dude, get with it!” Mel said, grabbing the soda from Dar, taking a huge sip, then burping. “He’s in our grade.”

“How can the Donovans have a kid in our grade? They’re like four hundred years old.” Lilly rolled her eyes. Mel was always dramatic.

“Not their actual offspring,” Dar explained. “Nephew or grandson or whatever. His family tree’s not the point.”

“Right,” Mel added. “The point is, he’s supposed to be hot. And also a criminal of some sort.”

Lilly leaned back as Mel handed her the soda can again. Across the parking lot, Olivia Khan stepped out of her mom’s old Camry in tall espadrilles, her shiny black hair and bright red lipstick accenting her pale brown skin. According to online rumors, Olivia had lost her virginity over the summer, to Jay Kolbry, her new boyfriend, who was known to be a dealer. This was long after Olivia dated Boyd (which was back when Lilly and Olivia were both in eighth grade and Boyd and Tessa were in ninth). Still, Lilly experienced a pang of envy as Olivia walked toward the building, a sly grin on her face.

She turned back to her friends. “Where did you guys hear all this?”

Mel shrugged. “My mom.” Mel’s mother, Joanna Knox, reported for Devil’s Daily, the local paper that, as far as Lilly could tell, mostly ended up being used to cover the floors in Boyd’s house to form an impromptu shit pad when his dog couldn’t be let out for long stretches. Lilly had never read it, come to think of it. Anyway, the line between journalism and gossip was fairly nonexistent in the Knox household. “I would have texted you guys as soon as I heard, but I was grounded from my phone all day yesterday.”

Lilly smiled, shaking her head. “For what, taking the Lord’s name in vain again?”

“Anyway, his name is Patrick and Mel wants one of us to date him,” Dar filled in, exchanging a quick look with Lilly. It was the save-me look. “I already told her I’m not into lawbreakers.”

So far their group had been, while not exactly peripheral, not prime-cafeteria-table status-worthy either, and it had become clear sometime during freshman year that the pathway to high school dominance was paved with pairs. So last April, Mel had called a meeting between the three of them and determined that they were going to do things differently from then on—they were all going to get boyfriends.

Lilly had resisted at first, until Mel finally got her to confess that she was still clinging to her childhood crush on Boyd (which Mel kindly termed “borderline idolization”). But Mel had said that the what (getting a boyfriend) outweighed the who. Eventually Lilly had seen the merits of her argument: maybe experience was the important thing, and true love would follow.

And so Lilly had made out with Rohan Reddy at Allison Riley’s May Day party, and Mel hooked up with Wesley Abraham at the Abrahams’ graduation party for Wes’s older brother Connor in June. Neither had stuck, though. And as for Dar, she’d hovered in the background, easy not to notice in the end-of-year swirl of parties and drama and goodbyes.

But then, while Mel’s family went away for the Fourth of July weekend, Dar told Lilly to follow her up into the old tree house in her backyard. Lilly would never forget the moment they both sat down cross-legged, facing each other, the old tree creaking slightly as its branches swayed, and Dar cleared her throat, then blurted out that she thought she was gay. And that she didn’t want Mel to find out. “You know what her family’s like,” she’d said to Lilly, a determined look on her face, the same expression she always wore when about to call gin in a hand of rummy.

It was true. Lilly loved Mel like another sister, but the Knoxes were Jesus lovers, gun owners, and big talkers: not the most promising triumvirate of qualities if you happened to be a newly burgeoning high school lesbian.

And so Lilly had promised.

She savored having a secret in her possession—the trust Dar had bestowed on her. She wasn’t used to being the guardian of secrets, but the exposer of them, and this new responsibility had brought her a kind of sorrowful joy. Joy because in some small way she could help her friend. Sorrow because, well, things were complicated, and it had to suck to feel like hiding was your best option.

Of course, it hadn’t been all that difficult, when keeping Dar’s secret meant more guys for her. Still, she couldn’t help but hope the various covert kisses and clandestine grope sessions she’d had in the past few months were building to something real. Something meaningful.

Boyd’s face flashed in her mind.

Mel rolled her eyes, almost as though she was reading Lilly’s thoughts. “It’s obvious that Lilly is as hung up on BND as ever, so I call Patrick.”

As though that hadn’t been her plan all along.

“But,” Mel added. “Lilly’s going to ask him out for me.”

“I am?” Lilly crumpled the can as the bell rang.

Dar cocked her head. “What is this, eighth grade all over again?”

Mel pushed Dar’s shoulder. Dar suddenly seemed so thin and fragile that even a playful nudge could topple her. “Lilly will do it because that’s what friends do,” Mel said pointedly.

Dar adjusted her huge sweater and stood up. “Whatever you say, Mel.”

Lilly stood too. “Fine, I’ll ask him for you. On the condition that he turns out to be as hot as you say, and depending on the nature of his past crimes. Oh, and also on the condition that you stop referring to you-know-who as BND. He’s going to figure it out!” How many things could it stand for other than Boy Next Door?

“That’s fair,” said Dar, at the same time Mel said, “Picky picky.”

Then Mel smiled—her signature huge grin. She threw her arms around Dar and Lilly. “Thanks, babes. I’m so happy to be with my girls again.”

Dar laughed. “We love you too, but stop suffocating me.”

Lilly fist bumped them both and headed to class, bouncing in her Converse. It was a new year, full of new opportunity. And while at home she might be the baby in a lineup of three sisters vying for Boyd’s attention, at high school, she was just her—a girl with a plan.