CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 13 
Annika’s face glowed with excitement. “I was just coming to thank you for everything. Harriet found me exactly the job I need!”
But Pa looked upset. “I wanted to talk with you again about teaching on the Christina.”
Annika barely seemed to hear him. “Remember that day when you asked Libby and the boys what they wanted most in life? That was when I felt certain that God wanted me in St. Paul this winter.”
Oh no! Libby thought. Pa can’t stay here. Locked in the frozen North, he would miss at least five months of shipping. Downstream, in warmer waters, he could work much longer.
And with Pa away … Libby didn’t want to think about all the men in St. Paul who would like to marry a woman such as Annika. By the time we see her again, she could be an old married woman.
Libby corrected herself. Not old. But married. Still beautiful and fun.
Libby tried to name it. Still full of heart. Annika cares about people.
Now Pa asked, “I helped you decide to stay in St. Paul?”
“Remember what you said about people who want to help others shape their lives into something good? I can help the people who are already here and the immigrants who come. I can help fugitives like Jordan who want to learn to read and write. I’m a good teacher, Nathaniel. A very good teacher.”
“I have no doubt that you are,” Pa said softly. “But I can’t stay here with you. I have no choice but to get these furs down the river and off to Europe. I need to finish my work downstream and come back up with supplies for winter.” Pa sighed. “Once the river closes with ice, St. Paul is shut off from the rest of the world. The mail that goes in or out is carried by sleigh. We might not hear from each other for months at a time!”
“I know,” Annika said. “Everyone has warned me about the winters.” Her eyes were soft, as if she, too, longed to board the Christina, to be part of the family that traveled up and down the river together. “I’d like to be with you, Nathaniel. I’d like to teach Libby, Caleb, Jordan, and Peter. But the Lord wants me here this winter.”
“I won’t even know if you’re all right!”
“You’ll know,” Annika said gently. “The Lord will tell you if I’m not all right. He’ll speak to me the same way about you.”
For a time Pa was silent. Finally he asked, “There’s nothing I can say to make you change your mind?”
Annika thought for a moment. “It would have to be God who changes my mind.”
“Has He told you why you are to stay here?”
“If I came on board now, it would be too soon.”
Pa ran his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t mean to get married now. I meant to give us time to get to know each other. To allow me, if I may, to court you, to show you how much you mean to me.”
Annika smiled. “I would like to be courted by you. To feel as though I’m the most special woman on earth. But it’s too soon.”
“For me? For you?”
“For Libby. If I came to stay on the Christina now, she would think she got her way. She wants a mother. Snap her fingers. Poof! Like magic, she has one.”
“I see,” said Pa.
“It’s a serious thing to take on a new member of a family. Libby isn’t ready for a mother yet. She’s still getting used to having Peter for a brother.”
“How I can help her?”
“I don’t know. But when the time comes, you’ll know.”
A look of pain crossed Pa’s face. “Right now the river is my life and my work. But a time will come when railroads will replace steamboats. I have another dream for when that happens. I wanted to take you there, to show you my dream. A home on top of a bluff, land around it for farming, and timber too. But—”
Pa stopped. Annika was part of the dream, and now, perhaps not a part. For a long moment Pa gazed into her eyes. Reaching out, he took her hand. “Annika, is there someone else you love? Someone here in St. Paul?”
Annika looked down, her long lashes dark against the soft color of her cheeks. When she looked up again, her eyes held the mischief that Libby recognized. “You mean Mr. Oliver White? It’s true we have a lot in common. We both like music.” Then Annika met Pa’s gaze, and her voice changed. “The man of my dreams won’t be here in St. Paul.”
Pa shrank back. “Who is he? Where will he be?”
“He’ll be on the Christina, somewhere on the Mississippi River, far south of here.”
Pa smiled. “I’ll be very glad if it stays that way.” Once more he looked deep into her eyes. When he bent his head, his lips brushed Annika’s cheek.
“There’s something I want you to remember,” he said when he lifted his head. His voice was strong, but Libby heard the tears at the edge of it. “Wherever I am, I’ll be thinking of you.”
“And I will be praying for you,” Annika promised.
Pa stood up slowly but then walked quickly away, not looking back.
When Annika also left, Libby slipped out from her hiding place. One part of her felt angry. Oh, Annika! How can you be so stubborn? How can you be so sure that God wants you here this winter?
For the first time, Libby almost hated Annika’s beliefs because of the way they kept her from being with Pa. Just when things were really going well! Just when she and Pa seem to like each other!
Then something else weighed on Libby. Why does she think I’m not ready for a mother? That I’m still getting used to a brother? Who does Annika think I am—a spoiled child? I’m not that way anymore!
Taking the long way around the texas, Libby walked to her room. She found Annika looking for her. “I wanted to say goodbye,” the teacher said.
Libby swallowed around the lump in her throat. She wanted to ask Annika a hundred questions, but she knew she couldn’t. Annika would know she had listened in.
“I’ll miss you,” Libby said instead, her voice small and quiet.
“I’ll miss you too.” For a moment Annika stood there, waiting until Libby looked into her eyes. “Whatever happens to you in life, you are a very special child of God.”
After a quick hug, Annika was gone, and Libby felt empty deep inside. When Samson flopped onto the deck, Libby sat down next to him. As she scratched behind the dog’s ears, Libby wished she could forget Annika’s last words. It sounds as if she’s saying goodbye forever.
For a long time Libby brushed Samson’s coat. “I’m glad I have you,” Libby whispered at last. “Life is simpler with you.”
The sun had set, and darkness covered the waterfront as the Christina prepared to leave St. Paul. All of the freight and most of the passengers were on board. Libby stood high on the hurricane deck, looking toward Jackson Street.
I’m going to miss you, St. Paul, she thought. In the few short days she had been there, Libby had started to love the city. It’s like Pa said. There are good people here. Kind people.
Then as she peered into the night, all of her warmhearted feelings changed.
Coming along Jackson Street was a short man wearing a business suit and hat. He carried a gold-headed cane and headed straight toward the Christina.
Dread tightened Libby’s stomach. Is that really Riggs? Since seeing the man in St. Anthony, she had been afraid of this. In a few minutes she felt sure. It was Jordan’s owner, all right.
Libby raced for the stairs. By the time she found Jordan in the engine room, she was badly frightened and out of breath.
“You’ve got to hide,” she told him. “Riggs is coming on board! I think the pawnshop owner tipped him off. Riggs must know you’re here.”
Jordan sighed. “I reckon he does. I’ll make sure I stay out of sight.”
As the Christina left St. Paul, Libby told Pa about Riggs. “That’s fine.” Pa wasn’t at all upset. “As long as we know where he is, we can keep an eye on him.”
That night when Libby woke up, she ached inside. Like a nightmare, her first thought stayed with her. Annika isn’t with us. She stayed behind.
Libby tried to push the thought away, but another crowded in. She said I’m not ready for a mother. It’s all my fault!
In the morning Pa called them together for school. So Jordan could be with them, they met in the cargo area, in a hidden room made with tall piles of freight. A lantern close beside them, Caleb wrote for Peter. When they asked about Annika, Libby suspected that all of them missed her as much as she did.
“The speculators want land for the money it will bring them,” Libby said when Pa asked what they learned in St. Paul. “For immigrants, land is something more. They want land to make a home—to begin a new way of life.”
Caleb and Jordan had managed to learn about the conventions held by the men working to create a new state. Jordan reported on that. “The new Republican party wants to give men like my daddy the right to vote!”
“Does everyone in Minnesota want that?” Pa asked.
Jordan grinned. “No, sir. Can’t say that they do. Some of those people are putting up a mighty big fight.”
For the first time since leaving Annika, Pa laughed. “When we get to Galena, what are you going to tell your parents, Jordan?”
“That wherever we live, there are goin’ to be things to make us afraid. But if we live where God wants us, we can ask for His protection. We can fight to be free. I is going to fight—” Jordan stopped and corrected himself. “I am goin’ to fight by gettin’ educated. Mr. Thompson says I need to let myself be free.”
Let myself be free? Libby thought. Again she wondered, What does that mean?
When class was over, Pa asked Libby to stay for a minute. With the lantern set on the floor between them, Pa asked, “How are you doing, Libby?”
Libby decided to be honest. “It bothers me that you left Annika behind.”
“I didn’t have any choice,” Pa said. “If I really love Annika, I need to believe she is able to hear God—to make the choices He wants her to make. If I don’t respect her beliefs, we can’t build our love on a strong foundation.”
“But doesn’t it scare you?” Libby asked. “Aren’t you afraid she’ll fall in love with Oliver White?”
“Yes, Libby, I am. But Annika has to follow God’s leading in her life. I need to do the same thing. Right now God seems to be leading us in two different directions. Annika believes she is to stay. I need to leave.”
“But everything is left unfinished!” Libby wailed. “We didn’t find the stolen violin. We haven’t figured out the fiddler’s secret. You don’t know what will happen with Annika.” Inside, Libby felt angry. “Is it like God to leave things unfinished?”
Pa smiled. “No, Libby, it isn’t. Right now it doesn’t make sense. But we have to give God time.”
When she met Pa’s eyes, there was something Libby knew. He feels the loss of Annika for my sake as well as his.
For a moment Libby felt better. Then she remembered the promise Pa gave them the day Annika came to class. All things work together for good for those who love You, for those who are called according to Your purpose. If that’s true, what’s Your purpose for me?
As she thought about it, Libby remembered her desire to be strong, even in the hard times. Lord, do You want me to be strong in You?
Pa broke into Libby’s thoughts. “There’s something else I’ve been wanting to talk with you about. How would you feel about making Peter an official part of our family?”
“You mean adopt him?”
Pa nodded. “I wanted to wait—to talk with Annika first. But I don’t know if our choice will affect her. Peter needs a family now.”
Afraid to meet Pa’s eyes, Libby looked down. A part of her felt scared—scared right down to her toes. What if Pa changes? What if he doesn’t have time for me anymore?
It didn’t help that Peter trailed Pa around, spending time with Pa any chance he got. Every time Libby wanted to talk with Pa, Peter was there.
Folding and unfolding the cloth of her skirt, Libby tried to think how to ask what she wanted to know. Then, like a stream of water dammed up for too long, her words tumbled out. “If you adopt Peter, what will happen to me?”
“Remember how we talked about being a never-give-up family?” Pa asked.
Libby nodded. She had asked Pa for such a family after one of the most awful moments of her life. “How could I ever forget?”
“We agreed that you and I are that family. We said that people living with us on the Christina could also be part of that family—a wider family. Remember how I told you that I love Caleb as a son?”
“Yes,” Libby answered. At one time that had bothered her.
“I love Peter the same way. And Annika and I are growing in our friendship with each other.”
Libby swallowed hard. I wanted to be strong, and I’m not. She truly wanted Pa and Annika to get married. Yet Libby still felt mixed up about that too. Will Pa change? Will he have time for me?
As though hearing her thoughts, Pa kept on. “When I open my heart and life to these people, my love just gets bigger. They don’t take your place in my life. There is no one—absolutely no one—who can do that.”
“Will you love me just the same?” Libby asked.
“Always. Forever. Unconditionally. In spite of what you do or don’t do.”
Libby searched Pa’s eyes. His face was filled with love but also the honesty she had learned to trust.
“I believe you, Pa,” Libby said softly. “With all my heart I believe you.”
“And Peter? What should we do?”
In that moment Libby understood. “He needs to know you’re his pa, just like I need to know it.”
Libby reached up for a hug, and Pa’s arms went around her.
During lunch, the tables in the main cabin were set closer than usual because of the number of passengers returning to their homes in the South. Even the captain’s table was crowded next to one wall.
Libby sat between her pa and Aunt Vi. As always, Vi wore her Sunday go-to-meeting clothes. In spite of the August heat, she had a short jacket over her dress. Still hoping to turn Libby into a proper young lady, Vi was making her more uncomfortable by the moment.
“Libby, have you forgotten how to hold your fork?”
Each time her aunt corrected her, Libby did her best. Soon she fumbled with nervousness.
When the steward tried to hand Vi a bowl of gravy, he was unable to reach her. Libby offered to help. As she took the bowl, her hand slipped, and the gravy spilled onto her aunt’s jacket.
Instantly Vi jumped up. “Oh, Libby! How could you!”
Libby was horrified. “Quick! Take it off so it doesn’t burn you.” Libby helped her aunt out of the jacket.
Vi was unharmed but very angry. “Libby Norstad, you are fourteen years old and still clumsy. This is a new jacket!”
Libby’s face burned with shame. “Let me take it,” she said. “I’ll wash it right away.” And I’ll get out of here too, Libby promised herself, eager to escape.
In the women’s room, Libby filled a bowl with water, then added soap. Before washing the jacket she checked the pockets. When Libby found a folded slip of paper, she opened it.
Captain Norstad—
It will stay that way.
A.
Libby couldn’t believe her eyes. She remembered Pa telling Annika, “I’ll be very glad if it stays that way.” And here it was, Annika’s answer!
The minute she found Pa alone, Libby gave the note to him.
“Captain Norstad!” Pa exclaimed. “I know that some women call their husbands mister all their lives. But I thought we had gotten beyond that!”
“Pa,” Libby started, then stopped. If I say something, he’ll know I listened in. She debated what to do. Then she decided to risk it. “Pa, I know what her note means. I heard you and Annika talking.”
For a moment her father stared at her. “Elizabeth Norstad! You know you shouldn’t listen in! That was a private conversation!”
The warm flush of embarrassment rushed into Libby’s face. “I’m sorry, Pa. I’m truly sorry. But look what Annika said.”
As her father stared down at the note in his hand, hope returned to his eyes. “Good,” he said. “Good!”
Carefully he folded the note and put it in an inside pocket of his captain’s uniform. “Where did you find this, Libby?”
When she told him, Pa did an about-face and stalked off to his cabin.