Esau relaxed in the chair. Even though they were alone, he was still tense, because he knew something could happen at any moment, like being attacked. He hoped that threatening the owner would be enough to keep the man away and make sure he didn’t tell anyone they were here, but he couldn’t swear to it, and that made him nervous.
Seeing Lazarus with Cyarea had helped. Esau was relieved to see she was already asleep. As much as Esau enjoyed her company, he was exhausted, and he couldn’t deal with her right now. He’d been surprised when Lazarus had agreed to take care of her, because he’d thought he’d have to do it while bleeding out. Maybe he shouldn’t think so badly of Lazarus anymore.
The other demon was doing everything he could to help tonight. What had happened had shaken him, maybe more than it had shaken Esau. Lazarus wasn’t used to fighting and getting stabbed, but even so, he’d kept his cool and had done what Esau asked him. It meant Esau had been able to focus on fighting the demons, and then, when Lazarus had taken care of Cyarea in the bathroom, on not fainting.
Esau didn’t know if it was the food, the wound, or the stuff Lazarus had given him to drink, but he felt sleepy. His body was heavy, and it would only take closing his eyes for him to fall asleep.
He looked at the bed. He should get in, but Cyarea would wrap herself around him. She always did, but with the wound in his side, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep if she did tonight.
“I’ll sleep in the middle,” Lazarus said.
Esau blinked at him. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want you to get hurt. We both know she likes using you as a pillow. She can use me for one night.”
Esau didn’t understand why Lazarus was so fussy, but he couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy it. Usually, when he got hurt, he had to deal with it on his own. He’d been ready to stitch his wound and clean it up, but he was relieved he hadn’t had to. Lazarus might not have a lot of experience with fighting, but he knew what he was doing when it came to wounds.
“And I want you to drink more of the herbs,” Lazarus added.
Esau wrinkled his nose. “It’s nasty.”
“I don’t care. It’s going to take us at least another two days to get to the portal. We can’t afford for you to get sick because the wound is infected.”
“Who would defend you if I got sick?”
“It has nothing to do with that. I don’t want you to get sick because, well, I don’t want you to.”
That almost made Esau smile. Pushing Lazarus on this would make him grumble and possibly close himself off, and Esau didn’t want that to happen. He couldn’t say he was having fun, not with the pain pulsing in his side, but he was enjoying his quiet time with Lazarus.
Lazarus made a second cup of that nasty herbal tea and pushed it toward Esau. Esau grimaced, but he took it and drank it, then drank water to get rid of the taste.
“Good,” Lazarus approved.
“I’m not a child.”
“Sometimes you act like one.”
That was true enough. Esau was surprised at how much fun he had when he played with Cyarea. He’d never have thought it, but being with the child wasn’t as hard as he’d initially expected. Cyarea was an easy kid to deal with, especially when she received a bit of attention. Playing with her gave her that, and it kept her pliant when they needed her to obey.
“You should get into bed,” Lazarus said.
“And there you go again, treating me like a child,” Esau muttered.
“Fine. You’re not a child, but you clearly need help tonight, and I’m here to provide it.” Lazarus got to his feet and offered Esau one of his hands. “Come on. I want to check the wound one last time before you get under the blankets. Take the side opposite Cyarea’s.”
Esau moved slowly. He felt like he was a thousand years old and that his body might crumble with every step he took. He was relieved when he reached the mattress and sat on the edge. He was still bare-chested, so he didn’t even have to strip for Lazarus. He just wished the situation was different.
There was nothing between him and Lazarus, but sometimes, it felt like there was. It was a dream he shouldn’t even consider, but he couldn’t help himself, especially when Lazarus came to crouch in front of him. His hands were gentle as he raised the bandages and carefully poked at the wound. Esau hissed in pain, and Lazarus snatched his hand back.
“Sorry.”
“How does it look?” Esau asked.
“We’ll know more tomorrow morning, but so far, it’s not as bad as I was expecting. I’ll make you some more herbal tea in the morning. Hopefully, it’ll be enough to keep away infection and help you heal.”
Esau nodded and slowly lowered himself to his back. He was glad when Lazarus helped him, even though it made him feel powerless. That was the only reason he said, “I promise I’ll keep you and Cyarea safe.”
Lazarus frowned. “Where did that come from?”
“I realize I’m vulnerable right now. I’m weak, and that’s not good considering the situation. I’ll be better tomorrow, and I promise nothing will happen to you in the meantime.” Because Esau would make sure it didn’t.
Lazarus sighed. “Stop worrying about keeping us safe. Since you’re vulnerable, you should let me take care of you instead of the other way around. You might think I’m an idiot who couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag, but I can hold my own if I have to.”
“I never said you couldn’t.”
Lazarus arched a brow. “But you’ve implied it. I can keep you safe, maybe not as well as you’ve been doing, but well enough.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
Lazarus blinked. “What does that mean?”
“You might be able to defend yourself, but it’s clear you don’t like it. You shouldn’t have to do it.”
Lazarus stared at Esau.
Esau wondered what was going through his mind, and he wished he could read him. Since that was impossible, he’d have to ask to find out, but he didn’t feel up to it. If Lazarus wanted Esau to know what he was thinking, he’d tell him. He’d never been shy with his words.
Lazarus opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head. He continued staring at Esau until Esau felt uncomfortable. He was about to say he’d better go to sleep when Lazarus leaned down.
Esau sucked in a breath when their lips brushed together. The kiss was so fast, Esau almost thought he’d imagined or dreamed it. Anything else wouldn’t make sense. Why would Lazarus kiss him? Lazarus found Esau infuriating on the best of days. He couldn’t wait to get away from him.
Yet, he’d kissed him.
* * * *
Lazarus should have thought better about what he was doing, but for once, he’d decided to throw caution to the wind and do what he wanted.
He’d wanted to kiss Esau.
In the beginning, he’d thought Esau was uncaring and would run away as soon as he could, leaving Lazarus with Cyarea on their own. He’d been watching Esau since that first day, though, and he knew it would never happen. It wasn’t the kind of person Esau was, and even though that had surprised Lazarus at first, it didn’t anymore.
Esau cared so much more than most people would. He was fierce when he had to be, but most of the time, especially with Cyarea, he was sweet and gentle, and it was a side of him Lazarus hadn’t expected he possessed. But he did, and Lazarus liked Esau much more than he thought he ever would.
Esau was still staring at Lazarus with wide eyes.
Lazarus wasn’t sure why, but he decided to do it again, since Esau wasn’t pushing him away. Once wouldn’t be enough, although Lazarus suspected that neither would kissing Esau twice, three times, or more. Now that he had a taste, he wanted to continue kissing Esau for the rest of his life, and that was a dangerous way to think. But he kissed Esau again anyway.
This time, Esau reacted, kissing Lazarus back.
Lazarus relaxed now that he knew Esau wanted this as much as he did.
Esau’s fingers dug into Lazarus’s hair and gently pulled.
The pull went straight to Lazarus’s groin, and Lazarus found himself moving without thinking about it. He almost straddled Esau’s waist, but he stopped himself just in time.
They couldn’t do this. Not only was Cyarea next to them in the same bed, but Esau was wounded, and they couldn’t afford for the wound to get worse because he wanted to make out.
Lazarus leaned back. He was breathing heavily now, and he and Esau stared at each other.
“What just happened?” Esau asked.
“I kissed you.”
Esau chuckled.
It wasn’t a sound Lazarus had often heard, and when he had, it always had to do with Cyarea. It was the first time he was involved in making Esau laugh, and he wanted to do it time and time again.
“I noticed that,” Esau murmured. “I was wondering why you kissed me.”
“Because I wanted to, and I didn’t want to continue ignoring it.”
Esau’s eyes narrowed. “That still doesn’t explain why you wanted to kiss me.”
Lazarus huffed. Esau was going to make him say it, wasn’t he? “Because I like you, all right? I never thought I’d like my best friend’s brother this way, but I do, and it’s pretty clear you like me the same way.”
“Maybe I just wanted to kiss someone.”
“That’s bullshit.” Or Lazarus hoped it was, anyway. It could be that Esau just missed kissing, but Lazarus didn’t think that was the case. There had been too much in the kiss—too many emotions they’d both been trying to hide since the day they’d started traveling.
Esau smiled. “It is. I like you, too.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry we can’t do anything more.”
Lazarus shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. I don’t want to do anything more.”
“Really?”
“Okay, maybe I do, but I realize now isn’t the time or place.” Besides, they should probably talk about what was going on between them. Now wasn’t the time or place for that, either. Esau was exhausted, and their day had been eventful.
They’d have more than enough time to talk tomorrow or the day after that.
“Why don’t you stretch out next to me?” Esau said.
Lazarus had to climb over Esau to put himself between him and Cyarea, and he did so carefully. As soon as he was on his side, Esau moved closer to him, pressing his lips to Lazarus’s, his wing brushing against Lazarus’s side. Lazarus had no idea what they were doing, but he never wanted to end.
They kissed until Esau fell asleep. Lazarus felt the moment he did, because he stopped kissing him, but Lazarus stayed where he was, even though he should be cleaning up the room and getting things ready for tomorrow. He wanted a moment with Esau while ignoring everything else.
He was afraid that tomorrow, all of this would be gone. Esau would still be there, of course, but he might not want to kiss Lazarus anymore. He might want to ignore everything they’d done today, and Lazarus didn’t know how to deal with that.
It was time for him to admit, at least to himself, that he wanted much more of this. Esau wasn’t a relationship kind of demon, but then, neither was Lazarus. Maybe they could find their way into a relationship together. Whatever they decided, Lazarus was sure of one thing—he didn’t want him and Esau to go their own way once they reached the human realm. If that meant he had to adopt Cyarea along with Esau, then he would.
He still hadn’t given up hope they’d find her parents, but thinking they never might wasn’t as terrifying as it had been before. Whatever happened, neither Lazarus nor Esau would be doing this alone. It was a strange twist of fate, but Lazarus found he didn’t mind.