Zach resisted the urge to throw his keyboard out the window. And his monitor and computer. God, why couldn’t he think straight?
At least now he could blame it on the time—it was four o’clock on Friday afternoon. Of course, that wasn’t the real reason. But it was late enough that he could leave and go to the gym. No point sitting here and accomplishing nothing. It wasn’t like anyone would be looking for him at this time on a Friday.
Five minutes later, he told his secretary, Rupi, that he was leaving for the day. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d left before five. She was always gone by the time he left.
“Big plans for the weekend?” she said.
He shook his head.
“What’s her name?”
So this was what he got for leaving early. Rupi tilted her head and smiled at him.
He stared her down. “There isn’t a woman.”
“Okay.” She seemed doubtful and then suddenly brightened.
Shit. He knew where this was going.
“My friend Natasha—”
“No,” he said.
Every couple months, Rupi had a new friend she wanted to set him up with. This had been going on for four years—at least twenty women now. All of them “just perfect” for him. All of whom Zach had refused to meet.
No big deal, really. He just said no and got on with it. But today he was pissed off already, and this just tipped him over the edge.
“For the love of God, don’t try to set me up with any more of your friends,” he said. “I’m not interested in any of them. In anyone.”
Rupi didn’t shrink away. “Zach, I think you—”
“No. The answer is no.”
And as he said that—well, practically shouted it—he thought of Elise. Even though she was not the reason he’d said no, and he was not going to pursue her. Yes, he’d shown up for skating last Sunday, and he planned to go again in two days. But he was not going after her even though he did like spending time with her. He wanted better for Elise than what he could offer, which was a week or two of sex and nothing more.
And this thought pissed him off even further. He wasn’t disturbed that he wanted more for her… Okay, maybe he was slightly disturbed by that. But he was more disturbed by how little he had to offer. Especially now, when anger just poured out of him most of the time. Although, come to think of it, he wasn’t so bad when Elise was around.
He stomped out of the office. Before getting into his car, he called Larry and asked if his friend from university would be up for beers tomorrow.
Zach wanted to pick up. Get laid. Forget about Darren. And Elise, for that matter. Larry was always up for going out, and indeed, he said he’d be happy to hit the town with Zach tomorrow. Excellent. Zach smiled for the first time all day.
Then he drove to the gym and beat his body down hard yet again.
»»•««
“You can take us out for junk food,” Maddie said. “We won’t tell Mommy.”
Zach was driving her and Ethan to the swimming pool in Tracey’s car, which, unlike his mini SUV, had the proper booster seats. So far, so good.
But they’d been in the car all of five minutes.
“Then what will you tell your mom when she asks what you had for lunch?” he asked.
“We’ll say we had vegetables!” Ethan said. “Lots and lots of vegetables!”
“It’s not good to lie.” Zach suppressed a laugh. “And your mom wouldn’t believe that one.”
Ethan considered this a moment. “Yeah, Mommy can usually tell when I’m lying.”
“Sometimes lying is good,” Maddie said. “Like when your grandma buys you an ugly sweater for Christmas, you need to smile and say, ‘Thank you, Grandma, for the nice sweater.’ Or when you go to your friend’s house for dinner and the food tastes disgusting, you can lie and say it’s delicious. It’s okay to tell small lies so you don’t hurt someone’s feelings.”
“So if I’m a terrible swimmer, you can lie to me and say I swim like a fish?” Zach asked.
Maddie giggled. “Yes. Unless you’re drowning. Then I’ll tell you that you can’t swim. And the lifeguard will have to save you because I’m not big enough.”
Yeah, Zach could totally manage this. The kids were comfortable with him, and it would be fun. He’d been a bit worried—he’d never been alone with Maddie and Ethan before, or any kids at all, as far as he could remember. He was an only child, so he had no nieces or nephews.
“So where are we going to eat?” Maddie asked.
Zach wasn’t sure. He’d planned on taking them out for burgers, but that went against Tracey’s “no junk food” rule.
“What about falafels?” he said. Falafels, being deep fried, weren’t exactly health food, but they weren’t junk food in Zach’s books.
“What are fa-la-lulls?” Maddie said.
“Fa-fa-lo-los!” Ethan shouted.
“Fa-la-fels,” Zach said. “Fa-la—like the musical notes. Then ‘full,’ like ‘Maddie and Ethan are full of salad.’”
“Ewww,” Ethan said.
They were at a red light, and Zach looked back to see the boy’s look of disgust.
“Nobody gets full on salad,” Maddie said. “Except Greek salad. Do you know what Greek salad is, Zach?”
“I do.”
“Lots of feta cheese and olives. Mmmm.” She leaned toward her brother. “Ethan loves Greek salad.”
“Yuck,” Ethan said.
“You can put olives on your falafel, Maddie,” Zach said. “It’s a type of sandwich. They let you choose your toppings.”
He remembered a drawing of Maddie’s that had been on Darren and Tracey’s fridge a while back. My favorite foods are olives and candy, she’d written below a picture of a smiling girl sitting in front of a table of food.
“Faa-laa!” Ethan sang. “We’re going to eat musical sandwiches. But I don’t have to put olives on mine, right?” he asked, suddenly concerned.
“No, you can have whatever you want,” Zach assured him.
They arrived at the community center a few minutes later. Maddie and Ethan bounded out of the car.
“I can use the changing room all by myself,” Maddie said once they were inside. “So you can use the boys’ changing room with Ethan. We don’t need to go into the family one.”
Zach hadn’t even thought about that. “Wait on the deck if I’m not out. Don’t go in the pool without me.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “I know.”
Soon they were all in the pool, Ethan splashing about, Maddie showing off her skills to Zach. This was fun, actually. In fact, maybe someday he could—
Oh, God. Was he considering having kids? He gave his head a shake. No, he didn’t want to be a father, much to the disappointment of his parents.
But for a brief second there, he’d thought about it.
Maddie had started playing with another girl around her age. They were holding onto flutter boards and kicking furiously, racing each other up and down the shallow end.
The mother of the little girl waded over to Zach. “How old are your children?” she asked.
Oh. Of course people assumed he was the father. Like he assumed she was the mother. He started to answer, but Ethan slapped the water with his fists.
“You’re not my daddy!” he shrieked, getting the attention of everyone nearby. He hurried to the stairs and started running when he got out of the water.
“Slow down,” Zach said, following him. “No running on the deck.”
But Ethan kept running, so Zach picked up his pace. He reached out, grabbed Ethan’s shoulders, and brought the boy to a halt. He held firmly onto Ethan as he kneeled in front of him. Ethan squirmed.
“I know I’m not your dad,” Zach said, feeling completely out of his depth. He glanced toward the pool. A few people were looking their way, and Maddie was talking to her playmate’s mom.
“—not kidnapping my brother. Our daddy is dead and Ethan is very sad,” she said.
The mom’s eyes met Zach’s. She put a hand to her mouth and shook her head, eyes wide.
Zach turned back to Ethan. “I miss your dad, too,” he said. “Why don’t we sit at the side of the pool and watch Maddie swim?”
“Okay.” Ethan had calmed down slightly, and he was no longer struggling, but now sniffling. “But I’m still mad at you. Because you’re not Daddy, and Daddy’s supposed to take us swimming.”
Zach wanted to say he could make it better, but he couldn’t. So he just said, “It’s okay to be mad sometimes.”
They didn’t last much longer at the pool. Ethan’s lips started turning blue, and Zach decided they should leave.
Maddie told her new friend she would come back next week and then turned to Zach and said, “Can we come back next week, please?”
“Sure,” he said.
He took them out for falafels afterward. Maddie loved choosing what to put on her pita and wanted nearly everything on it. Ethan only wanted cucumber and pickles on his, but he still managed to make a mess eating it. They sat by the window, and the children were largely occupied by watching the cars and passersby.
Then, after a woman pushing a stroller entered the falafel shop, Maddie said, “Zach, you should have kids.”
He choked on his falafel.
Ethan stood up and slapped him on the back. “Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Zach said, but Ethan decided he needed another slap on the back just in case.
“If you had a baby, I could babysit it,” Maddie said.
“You’re too young to babysit.”
“I know.” She made a face. “But you have to meet a woman and get married first, and that takes a while, doesn’t it? By then I should be old enough.”
Ethan pointed to a dog in the parking lot. “Instead of a baby, you should get a puppy,” he said. “I will play with it for you.”
Zach didn’t feel like dashing their hopes by saying he was allergic to dogs and didn’t plan to get married or have kids. And he really didn’t feel like pointing out that marriage wasn’t necessary for parenthood. So he asked about their pet hamster instead, and they talked about Spike the hamster and school until they finished their lunch.
On the drive home, Maddie turned to Ethan and said, “Even though you didn’t have a good time swimming, you still have to thank Zach and tell him you enjoyed it. This is one of those times it’s polite to lie.”
“I don’t have to lie,” Ethan said.
“Yes, you do, dummy.”
Zach wondered if he should intervene and tell Maddie not to call her brother names.
“But I liked swimming so it’s not lying,” Ethan said, and Zach smiled.
“If you say so.” Maddie sounded very put out by this whole exchange.
When Tracey met them at the door, the children thanked Zach, and Ethan said, “I’m sorry I got mad at you.”
“That’s okay,” Zach said.
“Why did you get mad at Zach, Ethan?” Tracey asked, bending down.
“Because he’s not Daddy.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Tracey wrapped her arms around her son.
Maddie decided she wanted in on the hug too, and Zach quietly left.
When he got home, he headed to the basement, where he had recently installed a punching bag. After thirty minutes of knocking that around, he’d finally calmed down enough to get on with his day.
Then he thought of Elise, whom he’d see again tomorrow, and that calmed him down a little more. Though when he saw the weather forecast for Sunday, he cursed.