“Well, there you are!” the jeweler said. “We didn’t think you were ever going to come in to pick up your rings.”
Callie forced a smile she couldn’t begin to feel as she handed over her credit card for payment. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long.”
“Busy time?” The kind older man gave her the slip to sign, then went to retrieve her jewelry.
“Very,” Callie told him when he returned. At least it had been. Now, with Nash out of her life, things seemed lonely. Quiet. Too quiet.
The jeweler put the engagement and wedding rings out for Callie to inspect. “How do they look?”
“Beautiful,” Callie said softly. The platinum bands gleamed and the diamond sparkled radiantly—yet seemed like a lifetime ago, too.
“Would you like to wear them out?” the jeweler asked.
Callie knew her days of wearing her rings and pretending she was still married—even if it was just to discourage men from approaching her—were over. “I’ll carry them, thanks.”
The jeweler tucked her rings into the satin folds of a small velvet box. He closed it and slid it into a bag. “Have a merry Christmas!” he said.
“You, too,” Callie replied. Although inwardly, it was hard to imagine how she was going to be very merry without Nash in her life. But like it or not, she had to move on.
So Callie went to the bank. She placed her rings in her safety deposit box, along with all the other important papers relating to her marriage to Seth. Then headed to her sister’s to pick up Brian, who was happily playing “Reindeer and Santa Claus” with his cousin Henry in the family room while Maggie wrapped presents for the extended family nearby.
Callie made herself a cup of peppermint tea and sat down. “Where’s Hart?”
“Out doing stuff for Christmas.”
Glad to turn the spotlight on someone else, she said playfully, “Don’t tell me he’s a last-minute shopper.”
“Are you kidding?” Maggie fit a blender on the wrapping paper, then began to cut it to the appropriate size. “He took care of all that weeks ago. He’s on a more personal mission today, and don’t ask me anything more, because that’s all I know. And speaking of being kept in the dark...” She taped the paper into place. “You want to tell me what’s going on with you and Nash? Brian told Henry that you were sad last night.”
Callie tensed. “He wasn’t supposed to know that.” In fact, still determined to give her son the best Christmas ever, she had done her best to put on a merry front for her little boy’s behalf.
Maggie affixed a big bow to the package. “Well, obviously, he picked up on your mood anyway.” She paused to give her twin a pointed look. “So what’s going on?”
Briefly, Callie brought her sister up to speed. When she’d finished, silence fell between them. Maggie reached for another gift. “Do you still think you made the right decision?” she asked quietly.
Callie helped her sister center the present on the paper, then handed her the scissors. “I can’t take Nash home to Laramie with me, Maggie. Not at this point, anyway. It’s hard enough for me to get through the holidays, as is.”
Her sister folded the ends into neat triangular shapes and taped them against the seam. “You don’t think Nash would make it all easier for you?”
Callie swallowed her tea with a grimace. “Here at the ranch with just me and Brian? Yes. Back in Laramie, with Seth’s parents trying to get me to marry again as soon as possible, and Mom and Dad trying to keep me from rushing into anything heart-first? No.”
“Come on, Callie. You can handle parental meddling. You always have.”
She shrugged. “So?”
Maggie gave her another look that saw way too much. “There’s more to your not wanting to take Nash home with you than what you’ve said thus far. And don’t tell me it’s gossip from the locals, either, because even if you don’t like it, you can handle that, too.”
Knowing it would be cathartic to unburden herself to her twin, Callie sighed. “I’m in a good place now, Maggie. At least I have been, up until yesterday.” She traced the handle on the tea mug, then took another sip. “And you know why I’ve been feeling so strong and together?” Deciding the tea tasted way too bitter, she got up and rummaged around for some sugar. “Because I’ve maintained my independence and kept everything in perspective.”
Maggie finished another present and set it aside. She got up to make herself a cup of tea, too. Suddenly they heard whoops came from the family room, then the jingle of bells and more hearty ho-ho-hos. Mugs in hand, Maggie and Callie peeked around the corner. The boys were seated side by side on the sofa, pretending to drive the sleigh.
Grinning, the twins returned to the gift-wrapping and their unresolved conversation. “Look, I’m the first to admit you’ve been doing great, Callie. And yet, there’s been something vital missing from your life. Even Brian—as young as he is—feels it.”
“Hey, I do a great job as a single mom.”
“No one said you didn’t,” Maggie returned gently. “But there’s more to life than putting a moat around your heart. More to teach your son, too.” She paused to let her words sink in. “Especially at this time of year.”
Guilt flooded her. She knew Christmas was about giving, and that Nash had been giving a lot more than he had been taking, and she had been taking a lot more than she had been giving. She had hoped to rectify that by giving him the happy family Christmas he’d been longing for—a day early—but he’d rejected that as too little. Not realizing what it had cost her to stop protecting herself and her son to even offer that. And now the two of them were at a stalemate. Feeling like more of a failure than ever, Callie sighed again. “Look, Maggie, I know your life is more wonderful than you ever dreamed it could be. And it’s all because of the joy Hart brought to your life.”
“He taught me to lower my guard and put myself out there.” Maggie hesitated. “It seems to me that Nash is doing the same for you. Or trying.”
“I know that.” Callie felt on the verge of crying once again. She was never as happy as she was with him. The same went for her son.
“But?”
She blinked back her tears. “Everything was moving too fast.”
“Sometimes life does.”
Fear gripped her heart. “I can’t go back to living in a cloud of romance.”
Her twin shook her head at her in exasperation. “As opposed to a cloud of despair?”
Callie dug in stubbornly. “I have Brian to think of now. I can’t afford to fall apart again, the way I did after Seth died.”
“You’re talking about your bout of exhaustion,” Maggie guessed.
Callie nodded miserably. “If I hadn’t allowed myself to wrap my whole life around Seth, if I had maintained at least some emotional independence, then I would have fared a whole lot better after his death.”
“Oh, Callie.” Maggie’s own eyes filled with tears as she took her sister in her arms and hugged her fiercely, understanding as only an identical twin could. “It wasn’t that you felt too much, it was what you refused to allow yourself to feel that sent you reeling.”
Was her sister right? Callie wondered in shock. Was that really the case?
She wondered about it all the way home. By the time they reached the ranch, her son had taken on her low, dispirited mood. Thinking maybe this was the time to show him the comforting video montage of his father she had made, she popped the DVD in and sat down with him on the sofa.
He watched the five-minute video of Seth, which had been set to some of his favorite upbeat music, with quiet fascination. Heartened by his positive response, Maggie turned to him and said, “Again?”
Brian nodded.
He watched it again, still thoughtful. Then, when it had ended, turned to her and asked, “Where my friend, Mommy?” Brian’s lower lip quavered and his blue eyes were so sad they broke her heart. “Where Nash?”
Late on the afternoon of December 22, Nash opened the front door. He took one look at Hart’s face and knew the word had spread. “You heard.”
Hart stepped inside the ranch house, his expression grim but determined. “Maggie told me. And for the record, I think you’re making a terrible mistake letting Callie push you away.”
Nash shrugged. “It’s not like I have much choice.”
“There’s always a choice,” his friend said.
“I’m looking for someone who’s in it for the long haul. She doesn’t want to get married, any more than my ex did.”
Hart slid him a sly look. “You’re that bad of a catch?”
Nash poked at the fire in the hearth. “It doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“Sure about that?”
He shifted the logs until the flames leaped once again. “It has to do with the fact she’s still mourning the loss of Seth and may never be ready or able to move on.”
Hart lounged against the mantel and folded his arms across his chest. “She seemed over him to me. To Maggie, too.”
Nash released a short, mirthless laugh. “She was still wearing her wedding rings a month ago.”
“She’s not wearing them now.”
Nash replaced the screen, stood. “Because she had a rash on her hand.”
“The rash on her ring finger went away as soon as she started spending quality time with you. Maggie and I both noticed that.”
So had Nash, but he was through deluding himself into thinking that Callie cared about him the way he needed her to. Aware the roaring fire had done nothing to dispel the chill in his home, he walked over to the bar and poured them each a neat shot of whiskey.
“She has all these pictures of Seth on her computer.” And who could compete with a ghost who, according to everything Nash had heard, had been the most perfect, romantic guy in the entire world?
Hart sipped his drink. “She’s making that DVD for Brian. So he’ll have something of his dad.”
The whiskey burned as it hit Nash’s throat, but did nothing to allay the emptiness in his soul. “And one day, when he’s older, I am sure that Brian will deeply appreciate everything he discovers about the dad he never got to meet. But right now, he is just a little kid, and he needs more than photos in his life.”
Hart took off his jacket then sat down. “Finally, something we can agree upon.”
Nash continued to pace. “He needs a man in his life who can give him the love and attention he needs.”
“And guess who Brian would like to fill that role?”
Nash looked down at his drink, admitting in weary resignation, “I’d like him to be my son, too. But that’s hardly the point.”
Hart’s eyes were sharp and penetrating. “What is the point?”
“Callie is refusing to let us take things any further. Hell, she doesn’t even want anyone to know we’ve been seeing each other.” And though he hadn’t minded keeping what was happening just between them in the beginning, as time went on, he had started to resent skulking around in the shadows.
“So you’re saying she’s serious about protecting her reputation?”
Nash finished the rest of his drink and set the glass aside. “I’m saying she’s serious about making sure we never get to the point where we actually make a lasting, lifelong commitment to each other.”
Hart settled more comfortably on the sofa. “She just wants to see you when it’s convenient for her to do so.”
“And when it’s not, I can damn well find somewhere else to be.”
His friend rubbed his jaw. “I can see why you’d be ticked off. No guy ever wants to be treated as a sex object.”
Nash rolled his eyes. “It was more than that,” he returned impatiently.
“Sure about that?” Hart challenged mildly in return.
Nash thought about the way she had kissed and touched and held him. The way she had looked at him when she thought he wasn’t aware. Emotion roiled in his chest. Tightened his throat. “Yes.” He moved to the window and focused on the bleak winter weather outside. “She was...”
A heavy silence fell. “What?”
Nash resumed his pacing. “Starting to fall for me, the way I was starting to fall for her.”
“And yet—here you are. And there she is.”
He pivoted, hurt warring with the anger in his gut. “What are you saying?”
Hart stood and looked him square in the eye. “Just that if you were as giving and patient and understanding as she needs you to be, given what she’s been through—and what you’ve been through—you’d probably be spending the Christmas holiday in a whole different way.”
Callie was still trying to figure out the best way to make things right when she received a text from Nash at eight that evening. Need to get Brian’s presents to you. If he’s asleep, can I drop them off now?
Her pulse racing, she texted back, Yes. Now is fine. I’ll leave the bunkhouse door open for you. See you soon.
Ten minutes later, his pickup truck cruised down the lane. She was waiting on the front porch of her ranch house, wrapped in her coat and hat, the path to what she hoped would be reconciliation resting in her pocket. Because it was raining again and colder than ever, he parked his pickup so the passenger side aligned with the covered bunkhouse porch. He hopped out and, Stetson slanted rakishly across his brow, opened up the rear passenger door.
Her heart hammering in her chest, she watched as he carried in the toy workshop and two riding tractors he had painstakingly assembled.
Finished, he set the lock and pulled the door shut.
Callie waved him over. He closed up his truck and strode toward her, looking tough and sexy in the evening light. He smelled good, too, like pine and winter and Nash. She tilted her head back, gaze roving his handsome face. Then her throat went tight. “If you have a minute...” she said softly.
The corner of his mouth tipped up beneath the masculine reserve. “I do.”
“Good, because I’d really like you to come in.”
He followed her into the hall. Waited, more patiently than he ever had.
Callie swallowed hard. “May I take your coat and hat?”
His eyes never leaving hers, he handed them over.
She hung the damp garments on the tree rack. Tried not to throw herself into his arms and beg forgiveness right off the bat. First, she knew, they had a few things to work out.
“Can I offer you some coffee?”
His gaze remained serious, but his smile broadened. “Sounds good,” he said huskily.
Nervous now that the moment was upon them, she gestured inanely at the platter of vanilla and chocolate spritz cookies. “There are cookies, too.”
He nodded and, ignoring everything else, took her into his arms. His body was warm and strong against hers. He threaded his hands through her hair and gazed down at her. Repentant. Somber. And most of all, gentle. “I’m sorry about the way things ended between us.”
She splayed her hands over the steady thrumming of his heart. “So am I. And, just for the record, I don’t want what’s been between us to end.”
“I don’t either.”
She paused and moved away from him. “But there are some things I have to say before we continue.”
He went still. “I’m listening.”
“Up until the time my husband died, I led a charmed life. Nothing really bad had ever happened to me, and I had convinced myself it never would. So when I lost Seth so unexpectedly, it turned my whole world upside down. Everything I thought I knew about what the future held was suddenly wrong. And yet I was pregnant, so I knew I had to carry on...”
She released a deep shuddering breath, forced herself to look him in the eye. “So I ignored all the grief and the fear, the pain and the confusion, and I pretended to everyone that I was stronger than anyone had ever expected. Only I wasn’t. And I crashed and crashed hard.”
He reached over and took her hand, squeezed it encouragingly. With effort, Callie continued, “The medical explanation was a combination of electrolyte imbalance, fatigue and dehydration. A few days of rest and IV fluids, a referral to a grief specialist and a return to my hometown and family, and I was fine again. Or so I thought. Only I wasn’t okay, Nash. I haven’t been for a long time.” She hitched in a breath. “Not until you came along and helped me see that my fear of loss, my refusal to let myself really feel much of anything, was the real enemy.”
He took her other hand, too. Studied her kindly. “And you’re not afraid anymore?”
She relished the warmth and tenderness of his grip. “I wish I could say I wasn’t. I wish I could say that I know I wouldn’t crash harder than ever if I lost you, but I can’t. What’s different now is that I’m willing to forget about holding back. I’m willing to take the risk.”
Nash sensed what it was costing Callie to open up her heart to him like this. But she wasn’t the only one who had a confession to make. Hooking his foot beneath a chair, he pulled it away from the table, sank down in it and lowered her onto his lap. Wrapping both arms around her waist, he admitted in a low, rusty-sounding voice, “It’s not just you who’s been stuck. The truth is—” and it was a truth she had helped him see “—I’ve had my guard up for years. Since my brother died, really. Until you and Brian came along, that was. Suddenly, I couldn’t turn away.”
She offered a tremulous smile.
“Part of it was my attraction to you,” he confessed.
She settled more intimately against him, curling one hand around his shoulders, resting the other over his heart. “Our chemistry is pretty strong.”
He nodded, continuing honestly, “Another part was the way I feel about your son. Because he’s not just a cute, engaging, precocious little boy with the biggest heart I’ve ever seen—” Nash grinned “—he’s also so much like you in so many ways it’s uncanny.”
Callie laughed, admitting, “He does have the McCabe stubbornness and determination.”
“Yet another thing I love about him,” Nash declared.
Callie sighed contentedly, apparently ready to lighten the mood. “He loves you, too.”
But Nash couldn’t shift to play until they had worked out their future. In a way that would last this time. More than ready to meet her halfway, he said quietly, “The question is, what do you want from me? Is it friendship? A friends-with-benefits arrangement? A secret love affair? Because whatever it is, Callie,” he vowed huskily, “I’m prepared to give it to you.” Because giving is what Christmas is all about.
She smiled impishly and he felt his mouth curve in return. “How about all of the above, minus the secret component? Plus—” she pulled him closer still, till their lips were just an inch apart “—how about we throw in all the love I have for you—for the rest of my life?”
Love. She’d said she loved him? He kissed her fiercely. “You mean that?”
Nodding, she took his face between her hands. “I do.” She kissed him until they were both breathless and then rested her forehead against his. “I love you, Nash.”
The softness of her surrender was all he had ever dreamed. “I love you, too.” He shifted her off his lap, then stood, as well. “And I’m willing to give you all the time you need. Which is why—” he reached into the pocket of his jeans “—I got you this.” He handed her a small velvet box.
Callie opened it up. Inside was the most beautiful garnet he’d been able to find. Judging by the look on her face, it suited her perfectly. “My birthstone,” she breathed in delight.
Glad she liked what he’d picked out for her, he said, “To symbolize new beginnings.” He took it out of the case, then took her hand in his. “I had the stone mounted on a ring, because the circle—like my love for you—is never ending. And, as you can see,” he noted as he carefully slid it over her knuckle, “it goes on your right hand, not your left.”
Humor sparkled in her pretty blue eyes as she held out her hand to admire his gift. “Because you’re afraid I’ll get another rash?”
“No.” Shaking his head, he lifted her wrist to his lips. “Because I don’t want you wearing a ring on that hand until you’re ready.”
Color swept into her cheeks. “You do understand.”
“I’m sorry I rushed you.”
She cuddled against him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner how I felt.” He kissed her again, lingeringly this time.
Finally, she pressed her hand to his chest, drew back reluctantly. With a smile, she admitted, “I got you a present, too.”
First was a framed photo of their selfie. “I love it,” he said.
“Good, because it’s only a hint of all the good times to come.”
Second was a card.
“Open it,” Callie urged in excitement.
Nash read, “You are cordially invited to spend December 24 and 25 with Callie and Brian at the Heart of Texas Ranch, a place where all your yuletide dreams can come true.” He paused to look at her. “You’re not going home to Laramie?”
“Not until after Christmas, on the 26th. And when we do, I’d very much like you to accompany us, so I can introduce you properly to my parents and the rest of my sisters.”
Nash regarded her solemnly. “You’re sure?”
“I am.” Callie beamed up at him. “This way we can have the best of both worlds. The new life we’re creating, and then the introduction of the rest of the family and friends you’ll be joining when you hook up with me.”
He flashed her a wicked smile. “Hooking up sounds good,” he teased.
“Mommy.” A small voice called before he could kiss her again. Familiar footsteps pounded down the stairs. “Santa here?” Brian asked.
“Even better,” Callie informed with a smile.
Getting a glimpse of their company, the pajama-clad little boy opened his arms wide. He scampered across the floor. “My friend! Nash!”
“Merry Christmas to you, too, buddy!” Nash said. Even though the holiday was officially another twenty-eight hours away, it felt as if it was starting now.
“Mer’ Chris—” Brian said right back. He hugged Nash and then his mom fiercely before inclining his head toward the exit. “Outside! See, Mommy!”
Perplexed, they headed for the door.
“Well, what do you know!” Callie and Nash stared in disbelief. “Snow?” she breathed.
On December 23! Aware they now had everything they ever wanted and needed, Nash took both Callie and Brian into his arms. “Seems like dreams do come true.”