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[Taken from White House tapes. RBB]
Matthew Brown listened to President Slimbridge as he ranted about what was going on in the United Nations. The media had pulled in the story from the Internet and had covered the unanimous vote to join the Federation.
‘There is no need for concern, Mr President. The nation voted not to join. You have a mandate to remain independent and you shouldn’t be bothered by them again. They did agree not to interfere as long as there was no conflict against other countries.’
‘I don’t like it, Matthew. We haven’t been told what is going on. You’d have thought there’d have been a communique of some description.’
‘I’m sure they will. Any sign of Mayne or Beech. I see they were at their annoying best at the Superbowl.’
‘Not funny. How did they get access to the changing rooms, anyway?’
‘Could have been any time in the previous six days. It was a fairly simple matter to connect the supply of dye to the sprinklers in each changing room.’
‘We must find a way to stop them,’ the president said and stood to look out onto the White House lawn.
‘Mr Mendoza says they are beginning to understand the pattern and methods used in the attacks. They prevented one at a Californian event just yesterday,’ said Matthew.
A muffled pop and increase in air pressure took place. Both men turned and stared at a delegation of four aliens and six robots standing against the far wall of the Oval Office.
‘How dare you enter here unannounced?’ roared the president.
‘We are here to set up lines of communication for that very reason, Mr President,’ said a short, cider-orange-skinned alien with tentacles.
‘Okay, well on this occasion I’ll forgive the intrusion,’ said the president.
‘This is a communication device which you can use to contact me,’ said the alien, pressing a doughnut-shaped grey object into the president’s hand. He snatched it away, avoiding any contact with the offering tentacle.
‘My name is Yol Lorel Distern. I am from the planet Imhop and I have been appointed ambassador to the United States of America. It is the first time a Federation ambassador has been allocated to a single nation. I will provide as little or as much support as you wish, and I will mediate between you and the Federation which now begins at the Mexican and Canadian borders.’
‘We don’t need your interference,’ said the president.
‘That is up to you. We are in the process of acquiring an embassy in Washington and will be there to deal with any problems Federation citizens might experience in the United States. We assume that you will treat any Federation citizens, whether human or alien and any accompanying robots, with the same respect you would expect your own citizens to receive in the rest of the world.’
‘Of course, as long as they don’t commit any crimes. We’re not at war with you,’ said Matthew.
‘Not yet!’ said the president.
‘This is Ya Iridold Vestormoron. She is the same species as your original ambassador, a Racutaan. She, and a number of assistants and robots, will assist you with your border security until your own people have everything in order. She is fully aware of every rule regarding visitors from your country wishing to cross the border and will help you set up whatever procedures you require on your side of the borders.’
‘Okay. How will I contact you?’ asked the president.
‘I will provide additional communication details as soon as the embassy is established,’ said Ya Iridold. ‘That should be some time tomorrow or the day after. Until then, our border robots will not stop anyone crossing into the USA. They will be advised to wait until your own people grant permission to enter or not. Neither will our border robots stop anyone wishing to cross into the Federation.’
‘How are you monitoring your borders now?’ asked Yol Lorel.
‘They are working as normal. What about ports and airports?’
‘We will be asking you for terminals at ports and airports for people to take shuttles to anywhere else in the world. We will handle border security before they board the shuttles. That way we will not require border checks anywhere except in the USA.’
‘What about flights out of the USA on our airlines?’ asked Matthew.
‘Your airplanes are too polluting to enter Federation airspace or be allowed over the oceans,’ said Yol Lorel. ‘Anyone travelling to the rest of the world will need to use shuttles.’
‘That’s outrageous!’ shouted the president.
‘You might feel that way, but we can compromise by making outward shuttle flights free of charge,’ said Yol Lorel. ‘That way there is no cost to you. Our robots will monitor border controls when passengers enter the boarding areas.’
‘You are restricting citizens of the USA from using their own private jets or our airlines. That is not acceptable,’ said the president.
‘Mr President, you have chosen to isolate the USA. That means that everything more than fifty miles from your shorelines is Federation water and Federation airspace. We will not permit your aircraft to fly outside that area and your citizens are being given free travel on shuttles instead. Is that not reasonable?’
‘Let me speak to the real ambassador – the fish creature,’ said the president.
‘Sir,’ said Yol Lorel, ‘I am your ambassador. Yol Hareen Trestogeen, to whom you refer, came to the end of his natural life. During transition, Yol Terend Stograther is the ambassador to Federation parts of Earth and I am the Federation ambassador to the USA.’
‘What, I can’t appeal to a higher authority?’
‘No, Mr President,’ said Yol Lorel. ‘You can cut off diplomatic relations and we will leave. We will not set up an embassy and no USA citizens will be allowed across our borders. You can control your borders however you wish, but I would ask you to consider the fact that you would be cutting off all inward tourism! In addition, no planes or polluting cruise ships will be allowed outside your fifty mile coastal waters.’
‘How dare you?’ the president said, banging his fist on the desk and turning a rosy pink.
‘It is your country who wishes to remain independent. The rest of the world has joined the Federation and nothing will be permitted which pollutes Earth’s atmosphere or damages the ecology of the planet. Now, you need to make your choices! We are only too happy to provide all the assistance you could possibly need, free of any charge. What is your problem, sir?’
President Slimbridge was apoplectic with rage. ‘I’ve had enough of this,’ he shouted. ‘Matthew, you deal with it,’ and he left through his secretary’s door, slamming it behind him so hard that a split appeared in the door jamb.
‘Mr Brown?’ said Yol Lorel.
‘Give me a minute,’ said Matthew. He left the room and two security men came and stood inside the Oval Office.
Five minutes later Matthew Brown returned. ‘Okay,’ he said, ‘come this way.’
The aliens and robots left through the main door and walked through to a small meeting room.
‘Can you use this location to come and go?’ asked Matthew.
Ya Iridold materialised her secradarve and checked the coordinates. ‘No problem,’ she said.
‘Okay,’ said Matthew. ‘I’ll be your liaison. Give me some time to bring together a group of border security administrators and meet me back here at ten tomorrow morning. We’ll then sort out the detail without having to bother the president. Does that sound acceptable? I need to be able to contact you.’
‘Certainly, here is another communication device,’ said Ambassador Lorel. ‘Do you need anything else from us now?’
‘No, not until tomorrow,’ said Matthew.
‘Thank you, Matthew,’ said the ambassador and they all vanished, causing a plop sound as the air rushed in to fill the space they’d been occupying.