The following morning Tasha answered the door to reveal Chloe, her younger sister, on the doorstep, dressed head to toe in her usual mishmash of patterned, bohemian clothing. Tasha was nervous that her sister might see right through her false cheerfulness, but at the same time she was desperate to see a friendly face.
‘Yay!’ Tasha squealed, hugging her tightly. ‘How lovely to see you!’
‘Hey, sis!’ Chloe said, following Tasha into the house. ‘Where are the little ratbags?’
‘In the garden. They’re so excited to see you.’
‘Well, it’s not every day I get to come up to the Big Smoke and hang out with my favourite mini relatives.’
‘We are honoured that you’re spending one of your precious holiday days with us. How was the end of term?’ Chloe was a secondary school Geography teacher and she, like the children, had just broken up.
‘Fine, thanks. As soon as I finished my reports I started winding down. I am bloody glad the holidays have arrived though, that much is for sure. I’m exhausted!’ She slung her bag down and came through into the kitchen.
‘The opposite of my sentiments! Apart from the exhaustion.’ Tasha laughed. ‘You’ll stay for lunch, won’t you?’
‘Yes please, I’ll head back this afternoon. I’m leaving tomorrow for Bali!’
‘Oh, how amazing! How long are you off for again?’
‘Five whole blissful weeks. And I cannot wait!’
‘Is it going to be hot?’
‘Hopefully. I keep checking the forecast and it’s looking pretty good so far.’
‘God, I’m so jealous.’ Tasha sighed. If only she could run away from her problems and lie on a sun-drenched beach in the middle of nowhere. ‘Have you had your vaccinations? You don’t need malaria pills, do you?’
‘No, I don’t, thank goodness. And yes, I’m fully immunised, don’t worry. Mum’s been on at me ever since she found out about Ella.’
‘It’s great news, isn’t it?’ They had heard from her that morning; she had finally been discharged from hospital and was feeling a lot better.
‘Such a relief. She certainly won’t be making that mistake again!’
At that moment three little voices squealed as they charged into the kitchen. ‘Auntie Chloe!’ The children were already covered in dirt, their T-shirts and shorts wet from squirting each other with water pistols.
‘Hello favourite nieces, hello favourite nephew!’ Chloe replied as she hugged them all tightly.
‘Do you want a coffee?’ Tasha asked.
‘I’d love one, thanks,’ Chloe replied as the children pulled her outside into the garden, chattering furiously as they told her all about their weekend activities at Chessington and Water World.
Tasha slotted a capsule into the coffee machine and pressed the button. It churned loudly as it clunked into action. At that moment Tasha’s phone vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans. Her heart leapt into her mouth as she pulled it out. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was only Rosie, confirming their plans to meet later. Charlie had a quiet few weeks at work ahead and Tasha was planning to make the most of going out without having to pay for childcare, he had promised he’d be home in good time. Her heartbeat returned to normal as she replied confirming their dinner plans. Having pressed send, Tasha scrolled down her messages to make sure she really had deleted her text to Javier.
After much deliberation, lying awake all night deciding what to write, she had finally taken his number from the Post-it on the fridge and sent him a message that morning. It had said:
Hi Javier, I have been panicking all week and just want to make sure that you meant what you said about not telling Charlie. It would be the end of our marriage if he found out. Please keep your word and never say anything to anyone about what happened on Monday. Thanks, Tx
Her nerves were a-jitter as she thought about him receiving her text. Maybe he was at work and his phone was in his locker? Maybe he hadn’t even read it yet? She wondered whether he would reply.
Pushing thoughts of Javier to one side, she took the coffees into the garden and sat down. The children had started a competitive game of garden Jenga. They were soon engrossed in the removal of carefully balanced bricks, allowing Tasha and Chloe to have a long overdue catch-up.
‘Right, what do you fancy for lunch?’ Tasha asked a short while later as the tower collapsed for the third time, sensing it might be time for a change in activity before an argument broke out.
‘Can we have bangers and mash?’ pleaded Max.
‘Bangers and mash it is, then,’ Tasha said. She went into the kitchen and raided the fridge, sure she had some sausages somewhere. Having checked the freezer, she realised she was out of stock.
‘Chlo, are you happy to stay with the kids while I nip out to the shops?’ Tasha asked.
‘No probs,’ Chloe replied as she chased Max around the flower bed. To the children’s intense delight, she had picked up one of the abandoned water pistols and was attempting to squirt them.
Tasha laughed at the sight. It was lovely to have someone else to entertain the children. ‘I’ll be back in five,’ she called, grabbing her bag and heading out of the house.
She heard someone calling her name as she shut the front door. She recognised the voice instantly.
‘Javier,’ she said, blushing furiously as she looked up to see him standing by his motorbike in front of her.
‘Hi.’ He looked even more handsome than usual in his black leathers.
‘Hi,’ she replied. Memories of him kissing her flooded her mind as she stood, awkward and speechless, in front of him. She turned her head to glance back at the house, checking the windows. Chloe and the children were nowhere to be seen. She knew they would still be in the garden playing.
‘I just got your message,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry. I promise you have nothing to panic about.’
Tasha breathed a sigh of relief. She spoke quietly, just in case anyone she knew was somehow within earshot. ‘Thank you so much. I know it’s silly, you already told me. I just worked myself into an absolute state…’
‘Relax!’ Javier smiled his most charming smile as he got onto his bike. His eyes were slightly shadowed, his stubble longer than usual. ‘I’m off to the hospital. They’ve called me in early; one of the registrars has gone home sick. I desperately need a coffee – one thing I can’t be is tired in my line of work as you know.’
‘Of course!’ Tasha said. ‘Well, I won’t keep you.’
‘Have a lovely day!’ he called, revving the engine and turning his bike around before driving off down the street.
Tasha stood glued to the spot; she felt relieved but also unnerved. It was the first time she had seen him since she had slept with him. It hadn’t been as awful as she had thought it would be. He was so completely unfazed by the whole situation that it made it less awkward than she had anticipated. But she still couldn’t believe she had actually done what she had done with him. She tried to stop the flashbacks from popping into her mind but it was impossible to wipe them out completely. Shaking herself, she carried on down the road, her mind whirling as she walked, on autopilot, to her local shop, choosing a couple of packets of sausages and some extra milk.
She told herself that she needed to trust him. She had no reason not to. After all, it was hardly in his interest to tell Charlie. That would make life more difficult for him and, if anything, she was convinced Javier was the kind of guy who wanted an easy life, without complication. That was presumably exactly why he was single. Tasha decided she had no choice but to accept his word and try her best to move on.
She had a lovely lunch with Chloe and the children before taking the kids to the park and then rustling up chicken goujons, chips and peas for dinner. Charlie took over at bath time, having arrived back early as promised.
‘Thanks so much for getting home,’ she said, coming into the bathroom to kiss him goodbye.
‘No problem.’ Charlie smiled as he checked the temperature of the water. ‘Have fun with Rosie. Send her my love.’
‘I will.’
Tasha kissed the children goodnight, grabbed her handbag and went out. They were meeting near Tottenham Court Road so she headed straight for the Tube. She glanced up at Javier’s house. There were no lights on, unsurprisingly – he would still be at work.
‘I ordered a bottle of rosé.’ Rosie got up from the table to hug Tasha. They were at a small new restaurant on Greek Street opposite the Prince Edward Theatre.
‘Good idea!’ Tasha said, trying to act as normal as possible. She knew Rosie, just like Chloe, would be on to her in a flash if she let her guard down even for a second. ‘I could do with a few drinks. We had a rather hectic weekend to celebrate the start of the summer holidays.’
‘Oh, yes? What did you get up to?’
‘Chessington World of Adventures followed by Water World.’ Tasha laughed. ‘I know, I know – just up your street.’
‘Maybe one day!’ Rosie laughed. ‘I bet the kids loved it though.’
‘They did. And so did we. It’s so cute seeing them in seventh heaven like that.’
‘Gorgeous.’
‘So? What’s the latest with Josh?’ Tasha asked, determined to steer the conversation away from herself.
‘Well… it’s funny you should ask,’ Rosie said rather coyly.
‘What do you mean? Have you got news?’ Tasha was suddenly excited for her friend. Rosie beamed a huge smile and looked as if she were about to burst with happiness.
‘We’re officially a couple!’ she exclaimed.
‘No! You’re kidding? When did that happen? How?’
‘After our last phone call, I decided to write him a letter. I wanted to show him how serious I was.’
‘I love it! There’s nothing like an old-school love letter to show your intentions are genuine!’
‘Exactly! It was a bit cringe but I basically wrote him a note saying that I really liked him, that I would never write about him without his permission and that I wouldn’t date anyone else or write any dating blog posts for the foreseeable future if he would just give me a chance.’
‘Hang on… so you’re actually suspending the blog? Can you even do that?’
‘I can do what I like really. I’ve decided I am going to write a series of posts on dating-related topics like “Top tips for flirting”, “Top tips for online dating profiles” and stuff like that… I’ll make it up as I go along, I guess. I have no idea how long this will last…’
‘So, what happened? How did you give him the note?’
‘I just slipped it on his desk in a sealed envelope and waited to see what would happen.’
‘And what did he do?’
‘A few hours later he came sidling over to my desk, clutching the letter. I felt like a teenager, I was so nervous to see his reaction.’
‘What did he say?’
‘He thanked me and asked me what I was doing that evening. When I said I was free he told me he’d book somewhere. We went to a lovely French restaurant near work and have been seeing each other ever since!’
‘Oh, my God!’ squealed Tasha. ‘This is so exciting!’
‘I think I might actually have a boyfriend!’ Rosie laughed. ‘For the first time in God knows how long.’
‘Someone has finally persuaded you to give a relationship a go! This is huge! He must be incredible!’
‘I know! He is. I really like him. He’s smart, intelligent, funny… and what is more he seems like a thoroughly nice guy. A Charlie type. Not to mention the fact that he is also incredibly fit and amazing in bed too…’ Rosie raised an eyebrow.
‘I’m glad to hear it! Cheers to Josh!’ Tasha laughed, raising her glass and masking the internal angst that had erupted at the mention of what a nice guy Charlie was. As if she needed reminding… At the thought of Charlie, she stuck her hand in her bag to find her phone and see whether Javier had been in touch. She didn’t think he would reply to her text having seen her face to face earlier that day, but she wanted to check anyway just in case. She rummaged around trying to locate it whilst talking to Rosie about Josh, but it was nowhere to be found.
‘Sorry, I think I’ve lost my phone,’ Tasha said, explaining why she was rootling through the contents of her bag, tipping most of them out onto the table.
‘Is it there?’
‘No, it definitely isn’t…’ Tasha’s heart was starting to race slightly as she scanned her memory to recall where she was when she last had it.
‘Where did you last have it?’ Rosie echoed her thoughts.
‘I’m just trying to work that out. I don’t think I actually looked at it on the Tube…’
‘But surely you used Google Maps to find this place?’
‘No. I know how to get to the Prince Edward Theatre: we only came recently and it’s just opposite.’
‘Maybe you left it at home?’
As soon as Tasha heard the words she realised that was exactly what she had done. She had left it on her bed. It had been in her hand when she had decided to change her flip-flops and put on some slightly smarter sandals. She must have left it lying there on the duvet. Suddenly her pulse raced as she realised that she had no control over Charlie seeing it. Her palms started to sweat. She felt herself flush with panic as adrenaline coursed through her veins. She had deleted that message, hadn’t she? She assured herself that she had – she remembered double-checking earlier that day. But what if Javier had texted her?
Tasha had to fight the urge to get up and leave the table right that second and race home. She reassured herself once again. Javier had seen her earlier – there was no need for him to message after that. But he might, there was no denying that. She should never have texted him – now he had her number and there was nothing she could do about it. Rosie was still talking to her, oblivious to the inner turmoil that was spiralling out of control within her mind. She nodded and smiled but Rosie’s words fell on deaf ears. Their food arrived but Tasha was so distracted, so desperate to get home and find her phone that she couldn’t enjoy it. She wished she could feign illness or some kind of crisis she needed to rush off for but Rosie knew her too well. Maybe she should just tell Rosie the truth? But Tasha was too ashamed even for her best friend to find out. She was embarrassed; she didn’t want to be judged. The only person who could ever know what she had done was Javier.
‘Do you want pudding?’ Rosie asked as the waiter offered them the dessert menus.
‘Do you know what, I’m actually feeling pretty stuffed and exhausted after the mania of the weekend. I might make a move.’ Tasha yawned loudly, spying an opportunity to beat a hasty retreat.
‘No problem. I’m actually staying at Josh’s tonight…’ Rosie looked sheepish.
‘You should have invited him! Oh, my goodness – you’re probably dying to get over there!’ Tasha laughed.
‘No way was I going to invite him to a girly dinner. But we should have supper, all four of us, soon though. That is for sure,’ Rosie said. ‘I need you to vet him for me, to make sure he gets your seal of approval.’
‘I’d absolutely love to meet him.’ Tasha smiled. ‘Let’s definitely do that.’
They paid the bill and walked to the Tube. Tasha had to force herself to keep a natural pace rather than sprinting home as fast as she could. When she and Rosie had gone their separate ways, she ran for the Tube carriage as the train pulled in to her platform. As she sat in her seat she tapped her feet and drummed her fingers nervously against her thigh. Her stomach fizzed with nerves. She prayed that Javier hadn’t sent her a reply, and that if he had that Charlie hadn’t seen the message. She kept on talking to herself; the rational part of her brain reassured her that more than likely Charlie hadn’t even noticed that she had left her phone behind. He was probably in the sitting room watching television. He might not have even been up to their room since she’d left. Plus, even if he had found it, he probably would have just left it on the bed. She trusted him not to look through her messages. He was the least nosy, least jealous guy. There wasn’t a possessive bone in his body. She trusted him completely. Which was ironic, seeing as he clearly shouldn’t trust her.
Tasha willed the train to speed up, to get her back to Putney faster, but it trundled along at its usual pace, unaware of her desperation. As her stop approached she stood ready to get off, bolting through the doors as soon as they opened before racing along the platform to reach the turnstile and the exit as fast as possible. She went out of the station and rushed home as quickly as she could, pounding the pavements, determined not to let another second pass unnecessarily where her phone was unattended and potentially the catalyst of a chain of events she had absolutely no intention of letting come to pass. The unthinkable simply could not happen.
As she turned onto her road her heart pounded; she tried her best to catch her breath so that Charlie would not suspect she had been rushing home. She forced herself to stand still on the doorstep for a moment or two, letting her breathing return to normal. She took a final, deep breath in and exhaled slowly. Butterflies stormed inside her and she felt sick with nervous anticipation.
She turned the key in the lock, telling herself that Charlie would be on the sofa watching television, that she would act completely normal, come in and say hi, have a quick chat about Rosie and Josh and then casually say she was desperate to go to the loo, walk upstairs, pick up her phone and put it safely out of harm’s way in her pocket. She pushed open the door and took a step inside.