Tasha didn’t sleep a wink. She tried to get some rest but her rampaging emotions got the best of her. Harrowing remorse competed with terror for the future as she contemplated the possible consequences of her actions. She tossed and turned. At some point she heard Javier’s motorbike signalling his arrival back home. She wanted to run outside and scream at him for texting her, but she knew the only person to blame in this situation was herself.
As the early hours of the morning ticked by, she began to dread the dawn of a new day. What would she tell the children if Charlie didn’t come home that evening? They wouldn’t miss him in the morning, but surely they would notice if he didn’t come home at all? What if he never forgave her? What would happen to her, the children, the house? Her head spun as she followed the chain of thought, imagining the reactions from her parents, his parents, their siblings, their friends, the other school mums… It was too awful. The worst thing of all was how completely and utterly to blame she was. There was no one else she could pass the buck to; this whole situation started and ended with her, with her selfish, impulsive behaviour.
As the first crack of light began to stream through the curtains she got up. She checked her phone for the thousandth time – still nothing from Charlie. She called him again, still no answer. What would he be doing now? Probably going into work like the reliable, dependable guy he was. Her heart swelled with emotion as she imagined him putting on a brave face in the office, acting normally and holding it together despite the enormous hurt he was feeling inside. She texted him again, another pleading message, begging for forgiveness, asking him to come home that evening so they could talk.
Tasha opened the curtains and forced herself to look across the road. Javier’s house was still in darkness, his curtains closed. She looked in the mirror. Yesterday’s make-up was smudged all over her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy and swollen. She showered and brushed her teeth, knowing she had to pull herself together, to try her best to appear normal in front of the children. Taking a deep breath, she got dressed and went downstairs.
Tasha made herself a cup of coffee, stronger than usual to make up for her lack of sleep. She tried to stop herself from thinking about the look in Charlie’s eyes as he realised what she had done but she knew it would be forever emblazoned on her memory. Blinking back a fresh bout of tears, she looked up to see the neon-pink Post-it note stuck on the fridge. Furious with herself, she marched over to it and threw it in the bin. Why had she been so stupid as to text him? If she hadn’t done that then Charlie might never have found out. Today would have been just another normal day.
Yet in some strange way she was glad that he knew. Keeping the secret from him for the rest of her life would have been just as big a betrayal as sleeping with Javier in the first place. At least now he knew exactly what kind of person she was. It was only fair that she should pay for her actions.
Tasha went out into the garden and sat at the table on the terrace. The sight of the barbecue and all the memories that it evoked of Charlie and his little helper Max caused a new wave of self-loathing to bubble up inside her. She sipped her coffee and tried to stem the torrent of self-abuse that rushed through her mind.
A few minutes later the sliding door opened and Rosie stepped out to join her.
‘Morning,’ she said, coming over to sit on the chair beside her.
‘Morning,’ Tasha replied. ‘Are the children still asleep?’
‘I didn’t hear anything. How are you feeling?’
‘Rubbish. I didn’t sleep a wink.’
‘You do look rather tired,’ Rosie admitted. ‘I’ve called in sick to work. I’m staying here today – I think you could do with the moral support, if nothing else.’
‘You don’t have to do that…’
‘I know. But I’ve done it already.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely. Did you hear back from Charlie?’
‘No. I’ve sent him messages, I’ve tried calling… but no luck.’ Tasha sighed.
‘Give him time.’ Rosie leant across and squeezed her knee. ‘He will be in touch soon enough, I’m sure of it.’
‘Oh, God. I hope so. I just can’t believe what I have done. I feel so completely stupid.’
‘We all make mistakes, Tasha.’
‘Not mistakes like this. This has changed everything, in an instant.’
‘It’ll be OK,’ Rosie said firmly, clearly determined to stay positive for Tasha’s sake. ‘Now, I’m dying for a cup of tea. Can I make you another coffee?’
They went back inside and pottered around the kitchen, waiting for the children to wake up.
Max was the first to make an appearance.
He came plodding in, wearing his dinosaur pyjamas.
‘Good morning, darling!’ Tasha said, fixing a smile on her face.
‘Morning.’ He rubbed his eyes sleepily.
‘Did you sleep well?’ she asked.
Max nodded and pulled himself up onto the chair next to Rosie.
‘Hi, Max.’ Rosie smiled.
‘Hi,’ he replied, yawning loudly. He was entirely unsurprised by Rosie’s presence.
Flora was next up. She was much more excited by their unexpected visitor. ‘Godmother Rosie!’ she cried, rushing over to give her a hug. ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked.
‘I thought I’d surprise you!’ Rosie said. ‘I’m spending the day with you all!’
‘Oh, brilliant!’ Flora squealed. ‘This is going to be the best day ever!’ She clearly couldn’t believe her luck. In Flora’s eyes, Rosie was just about the coolest person on the planet. At least with Rosie around Flora would be at her most charming: she saved her mood swings for relatives alone.
When Bella came downstairs they all sat down for boiled eggs and soldiers for breakfast. The day passed in a blur. They went to the park and had a picnic lunch before going to the cinema to watch a film the children had been desperate to see for ages. Tasha was so grateful to have Rosie with her. She felt completely discombobulated, as if she were watching herself from a distance.
When the children had finished their dinner and had their baths, Rosie offered to read Max a bedtime story. He scampered down the corridor into his bedroom and jumped into bed in eager anticipation. Rosie was clearly a wonderful influence on Max: he had behaved like an angel all day, as had Flora. While Rosie read with Max, Tasha read Bella a chapter of her Famous Five book. Then they both went into Flora’s room to check on her and kiss her goodnight. When they were all settled they went downstairs and ate the rest of the chilli they had given the children earlier.
‘Thanks so much, Rosie,’ Tasha said when they had finished their food as well as several much-needed glasses of wine. ‘I honestly don’t know how I would have survived the day without you.’
‘It’s a pleasure. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay again tonight?’
‘I’m sure. You’ve done more than enough already.’
‘Keep me posted on any news from Charlie, won’t you?’
After Rosie had left Tasha called Charlie once again. She knew he wouldn’t answer but she had to keep on trying.
Much to her surprise, he picked up. ‘Tasha,’ he said.
‘Oh, Charlie, thank God. I’m so glad you are speaking to me.’
‘Are the children OK? What did you say to them?’ he asked.
‘I just told them you were working late. They didn’t realise you weren’t here last night. Are you coming home?’
‘No.’
Tasha’s heart sank. Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Where are you?’ she asked.
‘In a hotel.’
‘Please come home, Charlie. Please. For the children…’
‘Don’t guilt-trip me, Tasha.’ His voice was cold and distant. ‘I have no idea if I will ever want to be in the same house as you again, and as for being within a stone’s throw of that bastard…’ Charlie tailed off. He sighed heavily down the line. ‘One thing is for sure – right now I need some space.’
‘I understand,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Tell the children I’m away on business if they ask. Say I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye. I’ll phone them tomorrow evening and pretend I’m in Zurich.’
‘OK,’ she said. She knew she shouldn’t push him, that she should give him time and space. ‘Charlie?’
‘Yes?’
‘I hope one day you will be able to forgive me…’
She could picture him sitting on the edge of his hotel bed, all alone. It was so wrong. He should be here with her, with his family. She felt consumed with guilt.
‘Bye, Tasha,’ he said, hanging up the phone.
‘Bye,’ she said, but he had already gone. She sat on the sofa and stared numbly at the floor.