Charlie came back from the office much later for the rest of the week, trying to wrap up as many loose ends as possible before their holiday, which by now Tasha was dreading. He ate at work, avoiding any similarly painful conversations over dinner. Tasha enlisted the children’s help as she began to pack up the house for Dorset, enjoying the threat of cancelling the holiday, which seemed to put an effective end to the usual arguments.
By Saturday morning a mountain of luggage was piled by the front door, ready to be loaded into the car. Quite how Charlie managed to get it all into the roof box and the boot she would never know, but, sure enough, by mid-morning they were on the road with three overexcited, grinning children in the back seats. Tasha thanked her lucky stars that they were all together, knowing just how close it had come.
‘Can we have The Lion King?’ Max asked. It was his favourite Disney movie and listening to the soundtrack on the way to Dorset had become a Hargreaves family tradition. Soon they were all crooning away to Circle of Life at the top of their lungs. Tasha handed out the picnic she had made at carefully timed intervals throughout the journey in an attempt to keep the children quiet. Thankfully the iPad and its selection of films worked wonders in terms of peacekeeping, as did the functioning air-conditioning unit, having been dealt with at long last by Tasha earlier that week.
Several hours later Bella cried out that she had spotted the sea, signalling their imminent arrival in Burton Bradstock. As they drove through the village they all strained their necks to take in the familiar surroundings. Before long Charlie was turning down the long and winding road that took them out of the village towards the beach and their rental house. The little blue sign saying Scuttle Cottage hung at a jaunty angle from the ivy-covered gate post.
‘We’re here!’ Charlie announced as he pulled into the drive.
‘Hooray!’ squealed all three children, champing at the bit to get out and explore.
The car had barely come to a standstill before the children flung themselves out of it, scrambling up the steps and into the gently sloping garden. The white pebbledashed cottage was a welcome sight.
‘Thanks for driving,’ Tasha said. ‘At least the traffic wasn’t too bad!’
‘Probably our best run yet,’ Charlie agreed. They seemed to be just about OK as long as they stuck to suitably inane topics of conversation.
Tasha inhaled deeply as she got out of the car, filling her lungs with salty sea air. It felt so good to be back.
‘Mum, Dad! I’ve got the keys!’ Flora shouted, having retrieved them from their usual hiding place under a loose rock in the garden wall. Soon the children were in the house, darting in and out of every room, reporting back their findings to Charlie and Tasha: a new TV, different tiles in the bathroom, a new carpet in the hall.
They chuckled at the sight of them. It was always their favourite week of the year. If only she could shake the dark cloud hanging over them and allow herself to relax and enjoy it. So much rested on Charlie’s capacity to forgive and move on. She knew that just because he had agreed to come with them, there was no guarantee he would be here to stay and the thought terrified her. Trying her best to put worries about the future and regret of the past out of her mind, she set about unloading the car with Charlie.
*
‘Can we go down to the beach now?’ Max asked as he unpacked the last of his suitcase under Tasha’s supervision.
‘As soon as everyone’s ready,’ she replied.
‘Can I take my fishing net so we can go rock-pooling?’
‘Fishing net, buckets and spades, the whole shebang!’ She laughed.
‘I’ve already got my swimming costume on,’ Bella said, appearing at the door with Flora, both dressed in T-shirts and shorts. They were sharing the attic bedroom at the top of the house.
‘Me too!’ Flora grinned. Her knobbly knees were still bruised from a recent roller-skating party.
When everyone was ready Flora, Bella and Max raced down the sandy path that cut from their back garden across the dunes to the beach. It was warm but windy, the sky an empty canvas of white cloud. It could have been torrential rain and thunder and lightning: nothing was going to stop the children from getting in the water. Tasha and Charlie walked behind. Despite the friction between them they couldn’t help but laugh as they watched the children strip off their clothes and sprint into the sea, shrieking and splashing each other with ice-cold water. It was a blessing that they had the distraction, otherwise the unresolved tension between them would be unbearable.
‘I feel bad! We should be in there with them,’ said Tasha.
‘Have you not got your costume on?’
‘No!’ Tasha shivered at the thought. ‘It’s nowhere near warm enough for me to get in!’
‘Well, I’m braving it!’ he said as he added his T-shirt to the pile, slipping off his flip-flops and sprinting into the sea. He was in surprisingly good shape considering that he rarely got to exercise. As she watched him run towards the water she longed for the time when he might hold her in his arms again, thinking of the thousands of hugs he had given her in the past and how she had taken them completely for granted, along with everything else he offered her.
‘Da-aad!’ shrieked three little voices, returning his splashes as he bombarded them with spray. Soon they were all completely soaked through, running back to Tasha to find towels from her beach bag with shivering bodies and chattering teeth, salty wet hair plastered across their faces.
‘I’m freezing!’ Bella trembled with cold. ‘Can we go back to the house?’
‘We’ve only just got here!’ Max said. ‘No way!’
‘How about some races to warm you up?’ Tasha suggested. ‘First to get to the big rock gets to choose what we have for dinner!’
All five of them sprinted across the sand to the rocky outcrop at the far side of the beach. Charlie slowed his pace to ensure that he was last, trying not to drop the fishing nets, buckets and spades that he was carrying.
‘I won!’ Flora screeched, panting as she sat on the rock with Bella and Max close behind.
‘What’ll it be, then, darling?’ Tasha asked, leaning forward and resting her hands on her thighs to catch her breath as she joined them.
‘Fish and chips obviously!’ Flora grinned.
‘Fish and chips! Fish and chips!’ chanted Max and Bella in delight.
Feeling slightly warmer, they traipsed around the rocks catching shrimps and searching for crabs before building a sandcastle. Flora got a stick and wrote Hargreaves House in the sand beneath their castle, carefully decorated with shells, stones and seaweed. It stood proudly, a transient work of art ready to be swept away by the incoming tide.
A coral blush tinted the sky as dusk fell. Worn out from their exertion, they walked back to the house for warm baths and hot Ribena.
Later, Charlie drove to the fish and chip shop, returning with newspaper swaddles of battered cod and salty chips. They devoured their food hungrily; the sea air having worked up a healthy appetite. After the children had fallen asleep Tasha and Charlie watched a movie. She decided she would wait and see if and when Charlie brought up Javier, that it was better not to mention it or try and talk to him unless he wanted to. She knew she had to keep the peace between them as much as she possibly could.
‘Do you want me to sleep on the sofa?’ she asked as they turned off the lights and locked up.
‘I will,’ he said.
‘No, Charlie… that’s unfair.’
‘It’s fine,’ he repeated. ‘You take the room.’
‘What if the children come down?’
‘I’ll say I woke up early.’
‘If it’s the middle of the night?’
‘They won’t come down. If they do, I’ll say I wasn’t feeling well. They’re more likely to come into you…’
She nodded. ‘I’ll just say the same thing. That you weren’t feeling well so you went downstairs to get a drink.’
‘Fine.’
‘Charlie…’ Tasha wanted to say so much yet when he looked at her she felt lost for words. ‘I love you,’ she said.
He returned her gaze but he didn’t say anything. He just nodded, following her upstairs to change into his pyjamas and brush his teeth before going back down to the sitting room with a blanket. Tasha got into the bed feeling guiltier than ever. It should be her having an uncomfortable night on the sofa, not Charlie. But he was too much of a gentleman to let it be the other way around. Realising she hadn’t checked on the children, she got out of bed and tiptoed into their rooms. Reassured that they were all sleeping peacefully, she slipped under the covers and closed her eyes, willing her exhausted mind to stop its incessant chain of thought and sleep.