THE HON. ROBERT HILL, MINISTER FOR DEFENCE

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Senator Hill, thanks for your time.

Pleasure, Bryan.

You’ve had a bit of a problem with the accounts in the Defence Department.

Let’s be clear about this. The accounts are quite good. A model of their kind.

What kind are they?

Accounts with $8 billion worth of assets missing.

There are no rural grants in these accounts are there?

No, not at all. These are just the accounts of the Australian Defence establishment.

So what’s the problem with the accounts?

The problem isn’t with the accounts.

So where would an accounting problem be if it weren’t in the accounts?

I’m only the minister responsible but it would be in knowing where the things in the accounts actually were.

The assets.

The alleged assets.

Like what?

Defence equipment. Have you seen the budget?

Yes, I’ve got a copy of it.

If you go to the capital expenditure, you’ll find the ordnance is all listed there.

This is the equipment.

Yes. It’s all listed under specific headings.

‘Things that go “whoosh”?’

Yes. Good example.

‘Things that go “kerblam”?’

Yes, different class of weaponry.

‘Things that go AWOL’?

They’re in a separate schedule.

Where is it? Is it here?

No. We don’t know where that is but it’ll turn up, it’ll be somewhere

‘Helicopters we ordered four years ago’?

Yes.

$600 million.

Yes.

Each.

That’s right.

Why does it say ‘No photo available’?

Because we haven’t got the helicopters yet.

We’ve just paid for them.

That’s right. That’s the key point. As soon as we get them we’ll be out there with the camera.

So these items listed as being ‘probably somewhere’?

It’s more specific than that, isn’t it?

Yes. Sorry. ‘Probably somewhere in Australia or Asia or the Middle East.’

Yes.

These are actual weapons are they?

Correct. Top draw stuff too.

But we don’t know where they are.

Yes. They’ll be somewhere. We just have to find them.

How are you going to do that?

I’ve been given the name of some people who might be able to help.

Who are they?

There’s a guy called Hans Blix.

The weapons inspector?

Yes. Apparently he can go into your country and find weapons.

And you’re going to get him to come to Australia and find ours?

Well, we can’t find them. We must be practical.

What are they?

The missing items?

Yes. $8 billion worth of what, exactly?

Items defence personnel have mislaid.

What sort of thing?

Some submarines.

Someone’s mislaid a submarine?

Yes. Just put one down somewhere.

And forgotten it?

Yes, the phone rang or something.

How do you think the taxpayer feels about all this?

The taxpayer should be very happy.

Why?

The quality of the stuff we can’t find is second to none.

Senator Hill, thanks for your time

You haven’t got some amphibious tanks have you?

No. Why?

(Looking around.) Anyone? Amphibious tanks? Rockets?