When he had nothing else to do
And with a true straight look of absolute abstinence
On his face
Ty Cobb would pace, or rather steal,
From first to second base,
Always one light-year ahead of the flight of the ball.
He’d appall any pitcher.
Fling one single simple ball at a batter
No matter what the weather, hot or cold,
And Ty Cobb in his bold, insouciant high-flung-knee style
Would run the mile in a few seconds flat.
Put that in your hat, he might have said,
But, being a gent,
Just let his sly smile show what he meant.
He not only stole second, but then stole third.
One nest was never enough (he was that kind of bird).
But often, and now listen close, when taken with a whim
Standing on second, whistling a hymn,
Old Ty would just up and decide to go back and steal first.
He had a thirst for that kind of gallivanting fun.
His option to run, his notion to roam
Might even have led him to leave first and steal home.
But—he did something better!
He hit a long line-drive to left
And while the outfielders scrambled
Ty Cobb ambled from home to third then to second
And then easy on to first!
This feat, unrehearsed,
Made Ty’s manager in the dugout
Choke on his tobacco cud and burst.
But safe on first after loping the wrong way
Ty waved the crowd to silence,
Assuring them his next move would save the day.
And with the next batter up
Ty stole second. Next pitch: third.
Then, for the hell of it, stole back to second
While the ball was somewhere
Between Pittsburgh and New York.
Then? Ty pulled the cork.
Maddening both teams, his and theirs,
And watching his manager writhe in the dugout,
His dog-mouth wild with foam,
On the next three pitches
Ty Cobb stole first again, then back to second,
Then third, and why not? he asked himself.
And so strolled home.
On the field the next instant was a double mob,
Half of which wanted to assist at sainthood,
The other to devil and damn to hell
Old Ty Cobb.
The two mobs hit like twin express trains,
Yelling to elevate or desecrate.
Old Ty was lost. They searched for an hour.
Gone!
For while they were stomping and screaming
Ty Cobb just grinned and…stole a shower.