| |
––––––––
BRANDON
IT’S THE SECOND DAY Alayna didn’t come home.
Things have changed. The house. The people. And me. I could go outside, yes. I can finally face people, but the constant pain in my chest is still there. It didn’t go away, and I would probably have it until I die. I guess one year just isn’t enough.
A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. “Come in.”
“Master Brandon?” It’s Lennie. She pushes the trolley inside. It’s unusual. Normally, she would only leave the food at the door. Seeing her smile at me like this makes me realize that my decision might have been a good one after all.
“Lennie.” I walk towards her and embrace her small frame. This is the first in many years I’ve held her like this. Lennie is a mother to me, so being able to embrace her this way is pure joy.
“Look at how you grew up, my Master,” she says kindly, holding my arm as she studies me.
“It’s Brandon to you, Lennie. I’ve missed you.”
“I always believed this day would come.” She touches my face fondly and smiles. “I never lost hope that you’d finally walk out to the world, and look at you now. But what happened?” Her expression turns concerned. “I heard Alayna collapsed. Did you get to meet her?”
I groan inwardly. “We didn’t have a chance. She was already away when I came home. It’s my fault.”
“My dear boy. You might have your reasons, but I saw how Alayna suffered,” she states furiously. “Why wouldn’t you speak to her?” she scolds.
I can’t look at her eyes because of it. I was ashamed, but everything I did in the past year, I did for everyone’s well-being. “I didn’t know what else to do, Lennie.”
“And whatever that’s bothering you, you can’t tell her?”
“Not at this time.”
She nods and smiles faintly at me. “Well, I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Brandon?” Oliver abruptly appears at the slightly opened door.
“Yes, Oliver?”
“Is this a bad time?” he asks, looking back and forth at me and Lennie.
“We’re fine here, Oliver,” Lennie says. “I just brought our Master his dinner.”
“Oh, thank you, Lennie.” He continues inside. “I’ve been looking for you, man.”
“It’s a pleasure to have you back, Master Brandon. I’ll come back to fetch the plates later.” Lennie excuses herself and exits the room. Oliver closes the door after.
“Why? What’s going on?” I ask, walking behind my desk and sit.
“Same old. You’ve been drinking?” Oliver picks up the empty can of beer on my desk.
“Leave it,” I instruct. “That’s from last night.”
“What are you doing here?” he asks. “Alayna’s with Cassius, Brandon.”
I perch on the chair in front of me. “I’m aware.”
“Then why are you still here? You’re not going to see her, are you?” he questions.
“We’ll talk when she gets better.”
“And if she doesn’t?” Ollie demands. “She’s been waiting for you for a whole damn year. You didn’t speak to her even once, Brandon. I’m tired of covering up for your baseless excuses. I thought when you returned, everything would go back to what you two had. Can you tell me the truth? Do you still want her or not?”
I hurl a sigh. I can’t believe I have to answer to everyone for this. “She can’t be with me.”
“Why not?” he demands.
“I have my reasons,” I say. “I will tell you everything, but please, Ollie, give me some time to fix this.”
“By pushing Alayna away?” He rushes his fingers through his hair. “Is this how you fix things?
“I said I have my reasons, Ollie!” I snap.
“Whatever goddamned reason you have, Alayna still carries all the weight. Anyway, I’m going to see Cassius,” he says. “If you still have bones left in your body, just see her once and tell the fucking truth about why you can’t be with her.”
––––––––
ALAYNA
THREE DAYS LATER, I ask Cassius if I can go outside. He allowed me, but he told me he has to bring me back to the clinic. He’s also being extra careful, so he came with me.
Honestly, I’m getting used to his company. Cassius is very accommodating and extensively patient with me. After we shop for a few things at the mall, we stop at Starbucks.
“Oliver’s on his way,” he says, then takes a sip of his Frappuccino.
“I’ve been thinking.” I looked at him. “I just thought of this last night.”
“What is it?”
“I want to leave tomorrow. I want to see my family.”
“We already talked about this, and of course, you can, Alayna.” He grins widely. “It will help you unwind.”
“But there’s still something else I want.”
He puts the cup on the table. “Hmm. Go ahead.”
“I still need to tell Brandon about this. I want to tell him formally because he’s still my boss, and if you can take me there...”
“What?”
“You don’t need to stay with me,” I continue. “I just want someone to be there with me while I travel. It’s too much I know, and Kansas is very far away and—”
He chuckles. “Of course, I can take you there. I have time, but I have patients waiting for me, so I can’t stay long.”
“I just don’t want to be alone,” I add. Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into me asking him for a favor like that. I’m having these mixed emotions because of him.
The lump in my lungs lightens, and the rapid beat of my heart slows down. Brandon doesn’t want me anymore, so I guess it’s time for me to clear my mind away from him. He’s hurt me enough. It’s like I died inside. I’m done with this stupidity.
But I know my life must go on. I have a family to support. I have to grab anything that will bring me peace.
“Did you tell Oliver that I need to speak to Brandon?”
He checks his wristwatch. “Yes, and they should be here by now.”
My eyes widen. “What? Now?”
He nods. “Yes. I asked Oliver if he could convince Brandon to see you. But are you sure you can tell him—”
“Tell me what?” Someone suddenly utters behind me, and I jerk as I recognize the voice. It’s the voice I’ve been dying to hear for what feels like a million years. I look over my shoulder and see Brandon standing next to me. The tension inside me starts to grow, and my heartbeat accelerates.
The reality is all clear to me now. Brandon can walk outside his comfort zone—without his mask. I’ve already seen him once without it, but this is my first time seeing his face up close.
He’s splendid... beautiful... mind-blowing... perfect. There are no other words I could think of to describe how magnificent he is. He’s like a brand-new person and almost regal in his tailored dark blue dress shirt and charcoal gray trousers.
It hurts even more to see him like this because I know he isn’t mine anymore.
Brandon pulls a chair across from Cassius and perches on it. He gazes sharply at both of us, but I can’t look directly in his eyes, so I shift my gaze. Though I can already feel the tension between us with no words spoken. I can’t believe how Brandon can act as if nothing happened, but I feel his eyes watching me.
“Alayna, how are you?” Oliver speaks to cut the stillness. I almost didn’t notice him because of Brandon’s unnerving presence.
“I’m alright, Ollie.” I smile a little.
“I don’t have a good feeling about this,” Cassius whispers to me.
“It’s okay,” I whisper back. “I’ll tell you now.”
“Do you think this is the right time?” he asks.
“You know that we can hear you, right?” Oliver interrupts.
“Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Brandon inserts. “Why do I need to be here? Can’t this wait, and we'll talk about this in the house later?”
Cassius grunts. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“Come on, Cassius. I know that something’s going on here.” He looks back and forth to me and his cousin shrewdly.
“Maybe or maybe not,” I say bravely. I’m suddenly flaring up. What the hell is his game?
His jaw rippled.
“What is it you want to tell us before everything else?” Oliver joins. “Cassius said you have something to tell us.”
“First,” I begin. “I want to use my vacation leave so I could go back to my family,” I announce, avoiding Brandon’s eyes, which never leave mine.
“That is not what you want to tell me, as per Oliver,” Brandon presses.
“I’m not finished,” I shot back. I didn’t know how I get my courage. Maybe because Cassius is sitting next to me, but my chest is getting heavy again—as if the pain there didn’t leave.
“I think you both need to talk alone,” Oliver suggests.
“No, I’m saying this with everyone here.” I look at Oliver and to Brandon again. “What I want to say is I just need a vacation. I’ll come back, but I may not continue working in that house.”
“What?” Cassius and Oliver react.
“This isn’t what we talked about, Alayna,” Cassius hisses.
“And I’m not going to talk about anything private anymore. I’ll try not to let my private life interfere with my work. I hope you all understand what I mean.”
There. I said it. It sounds simple, but I want to burn inside.
Oliver glances at Brandon, then he looks back at me. “What are you saying, Alayna? Aren’t we all friends here? Besides, your contract still isn’t over.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I can be friends—”
“I’m going with her to Kansas,” Cassius suddenly declares, cutting me off.
“What?” Oliver exclaims. “What the hell is going on?”
“I need to unwind so I’m going with her,” Cassius explains. I want to speak up, but he holds my hand under the table, assuring me that it’s okay. I understand what he’s trying to say.
“Wait, wait. What the hell is going on here? Alayna? Are you okay with this?” Oliver questions again, and there’s still nothing from Brandon. However, his eyes darkened, as if he would explode at any moment.
“Don’t ask her,” Cassius rebukes. “You know of all people what she’s been through, Ollie. You were there.”
“That’s true, but this is something else.”
I clench my fist under the table. I can’t say anything. I suddenly feel restrained.
“I can’t believe I came all the way here just to hear this piece of crap, Cassius,” Brandon mocks.
Oliver grabs his cousin’s shoulder. “Brandon, you promised.”
Clearly, he doesn’t care about me, no matter what Cassius does to provoke him. “I didn’t ask you to come here.”
His expression hardens, and he glares at Cassius. “Because I have to say something—to you at least, but I am expecting to speak with you alone.”
I laugh humorlessly. “If you’re going to say something I already know; no, thank you. I’m not interested to hear it.”
“Did you not hear what I said?” he bellows. “I said, I wanted to talk to her... alone.” He grits his teeth, and he is seething under his breath. He glowers at Cassius and Oliver.
“No one is standing,” I order.
Brandon squeezes his temples with his fingers, then rams his fist on the table. The people around us look in our way.
“Fuck!” he curses. He stands and he buttons his suit up. None of us made any movement. “I told you I don’t want to share, didn’t I?” Furiously, he storms out of the coffee shop.
Oliver remains seated. “I thought you wanted to talk to him?” he asks me.
“He did not come to talk. He came here to bring a storm.”
“Are you even serious about what you two are saying?”
“I’m only taking her there,” Cassius says honestly. “I only said that because I’m fucking pissed at him.”
Oliver’s shoulder relaxes. “Don’t scare the hell out of me like that,” he scolds, shaking his head. “I asked Brandon to come so they could talk. I don’t know what the hell was going on with him, because he won’t tell me anything. I just hoped that he'd tell Alayna.”
After another minute, Brandon comes back. He grasps my wrist and tugs me up. “Come!”
“Ouch! Brandon, what are you doing?” I squeal.
“Just come!” he snarls.
Cassius stands up in panic. “Hey, you’re hurting her!” He’s about to reach my hand, but Bandon stops him with a glare. Cassius withdraws.
“Come with me,” he says again, then he drags me outside and shoves me into his car.
I grasp the car door’s handle, wanting to get out. I can’t be alone with him right now. Not when I’m still trying to compose myself. Cassius is right. I’m not emotionally ready. I push the door open to get out, but Brandon prevents me.
“Let me go, Brandon,” I order, shaking the handle, but it just won’t open.
He shuts his eyes, gripping the steering wheel hard. “Stop. It won’t open.”
“Let me out!” I scream.
“Hey!” he shouts back and catches my hand. “I said stop! You need to calm down.”
“Don’t do this to me. Let me out. I... I need to breathe.” Then, there it is again. I’m out of breath. My eyes are getting fuzzy. I clutch my chest and groans.
He shifts his body to my side and grabs my hand. “Alayna?”
“Don’t touch me!” I shove his hand, but he only cups my face. “What’s going on with you?”
My breath quickens. “I... I need to... I need to go out. I need to get away from you...”
Unexpectedly, he wraps his arms around me and rubs circles on my back. “Isn’t this what you want? To talk?” he mumbles as if he’s talking to a child. In my heart, I know what was happening, but my mind is messing with me. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
“Let me out, Brandon,” I plead, and my stupid eyes just won’t stop crying. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Shh...” he hushes me. “Tell me what’s going on.”
I struggle against his arms. “It hurts to be with you.”
Brandon pulls me close. My heart knows I longed for him and how badly I waited for this moment. His fingers stroke my hair so tenderly, but I know he isn’t mine anymore.
“I hate you. You ignored me.” I pound his arm repeatedly. “I hate you!”
“Breathe, Alayna,” he whispers, continually caressing my back.
I let out a deep exhale. I’m beginning to calm down. The rapid pounding of my heart slows down. I let him comfort me.
“Good. That’s good,” he whispers.
I bury my head in his shoulder. I miss him. I badly miss him. But as much as I do, I hate him so much. He did this to me.
“Just say it,” I sob. “Just say that you don’t want this anymore—that you don’t want me instead of making me wait.”
I raise my head and search for his eyes. And it’s an almost painful sight. He is so, so beautiful that it hurts. I attempt to touch his face, the side where he had the mask, but he shut his eyes and snatches my wrist.
“Not today. You need to rest.”
“If you can’t say it, let me say it for you.”
“Don’t. You don’t deserve—”
“Stop it! Stop it!” I shove him away, but he brings me back to his arms. I can’t keep having him like this. I’m tired of waiting. Why couldn’t he just tell the truth? Why couldn’t he tell me that he doesn’t love me anymore?
“I just want this to stop,” I declare. I should have done this before.
He kisses my temple. “I’m so sorry, Alayna.”
“You’re free now, Brandon, but don’t ever think that I’ll forgive you. After this day, there will be no more us.”
I shut my eyes, and everything turns dark.
I’m back in the clinic when I regain consciousness. I remember what happened before I passed out, and the pain is still here. But it’s different now. I finished everything. Now I know which path I’m going to take.
“That was really brave of you.” Cassius cups my face. “I thought I’d never see Alayna again. The real Alayna.”
I sit up. “Because you were right, and it’s over now. I no longer have to torture myself by waiting. Thank you for everything, Cassius.”
“You made me worry back there. I thought something had happened to you. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” I touch his hand. “Will you take me to Kansas?”
“I think I already said yes.”
“No, it’s not what I mean. Maybe stay a little bit? Show you around where I grew up?”
He chuckles. “Maybe.”
I finally smile, and I know for sure that this time, I didn’t force myself. I embrace him. “Thank you, Cassius, for being there.”
He hugs me back. “Always.”
