I’m just sittin’ here staring at the screen. I’m waiting because I know that in a few minutes the spirits of all of the greatest romance and sex columnists to ever live will enter my body and I’m going to create the greatest intro column imaginable. That would be awesome … but it ain’t happenin’.
For the past five hours I’ve thumbed through stacks of old letters and song lyrics that I’ve jotted down in dozens of journals. I’ve read everything J and I printed out at the library. I even snuck into Mother’s office and snatched some of her medical books and magazines that deal with sex, safe sex, deviant sex, etc. In the clinic where she works, she deals with a lot of sex-related issues: pregnancy, abortion, sexaholics, and even erectile dysfunction (not a problem). All of the clinical stuff is just to strengthen my biology base; I’ve gotta come off as an expert when I’m helping my readers with their problems. And it’s pretty cool that I have all of this info to reference any time I want. There is much that I don’t know.
And while I’m doing all of this cramming for a single-page intro column, I’m online listening to archived webcasts of my sister’s radio show in Atlanta. She’s my hero, and not just because she’s my sister or because she’s beautiful, but ever since we were kids, Kris has always done things her way. And somehow, things have always seemed to fall in her favor. That’s how I want this column to go—that’s how I want my life to go. I wish I was born with a little more Kris in me—except for the gay part, but if I were lesbian I guess it would be okay.
I feel a little channeling going on. It’s time. I feel my Truelove voice emerging. I need to get it out now before I lose it or fall asleep face-first on the keyboard. Here goes….
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THE PRESCRIPTION Dr. Dexter Truelove
Welcome, lovers.
If your heart is in need of mending and your punk-ass boyfriend doesn’t know what he’s missin’, then I’m your man. Or fellas, maybe you need some pointers on how to get the finest shorties around your way to get on your tip…. The Doc is in. Sex on the brain? Can’t get it off? This is the place to discuss all of your pent-up frustrations and erotic questions. You give it to me and I’ll give it back to you just how you want it: real, sincere, and satisfying.
I’m the utmost expert in all fields related to the matters of the heart, mind, and soul. I’m here to answer all of your questions, so hit me up. And once a week we’ll have a cerebral orgy in my Real Talk sessions, where we’ll have a live chat. So, lovers, now you have a place to come to talk about sex, life, love, and everything.
Who’s first?
Yours,