Sharing.

Being independent is fine. More than fine, really. I’ve long realized it’s a good thing, knowing you can be good company all by yourself. Healthy even. But I’ve recently been made aware of how surprisingly fulfilling it can be to share your own good company with someone you care about. It really does magnify all the wonderful things. And the bad things? Well, as it turns out, a little comfort never hurt anybody. And if there’s big, strong arms involved, all the better.

Chapter 20

Don’t you think that one looks fine?” Riley sighed and trudged on to yet another pine tree. Frankly, he could give a rat’s ass about long needle versus short needle. “You know, for someone who’s never had a tree, you’re being awfully picky.”

The rain had ended and there was a brisk wind now. Tanzy brushed her hair back and tried to keep it out of her eyes. “Which is why this one has to be perfect.”

The color in her cheeks and the light in her eyes made him feel like the class A jerk he knew he was bordering on being. He didn’t want to be a wet blanket and normally would have jumped into this whole venture wholeheartedly. After all, he was the one who’d asked her to spend the holiday with him. The least he could do was get into the spirit and buy a damn tree. And he wanted to.

But he was worried about the note and hadn’t yet been able to look at it, much less tell her about it. He’d almost had a heart attack when he’d seen that the photo book had been moved and the stack of papers shifted. But neither of them had said a word, so he’d kept quiet about it, intending to deal with it immediately after seeing Millicent to her car.

Only somehow they’d ended up changing clothes and leaving when she did. Millicent had all but herded them into his truck as she left, wishing them well on their tree hunt. A hunt he hadn’t even known they were going on. Tanzy had explained how she’d been railroaded into it, which he had no trouble believing whatsoever, seeing as he’d somehow ended up promising to head over to Big Harry that very evening to move some furniture around.

To look at Tanzy now, you’d never guess she was doing this little chore under duress. She was all but glowing. Riley, on the other hand, was too busy watching everyone else wandering through the trees to pay much attention to her selections, much less offer his opinion. This had to be the worst place they could have come, with no clear sight paths and a possibly unrecognizable SoulM8 out there somewhere, having taken his stalking up close and personal.

She’d grabbed his hand more than once to drag him to this tree or that, and he’d carefully disengaged his hand each time, hoping she didn’t notice. Not that he didn’t want the contact. In fact, he rather liked how quickly it was becoming second nature to her to touch him, reach for him. But he didn’t want to incite SoulM8 to taking any additional action by making him think he had competition. Of course, just being with any man might do that, but he couldn’t do anything about that.

“Let’s take that one,” he said, pointing to the one she was holding. “It looks perfect.” And will get us the hell out of here. If he’d had any idea she was going to make this an epic journey, he’d have turned the truck around as soon as Millicent’s car was out of sight. The back of his neck was crawling and he wanted to get her home and behind locked doors. He was going to have another conversation with her about upgrading her security. It was a good idea anyway, regardless of the current threat. He didn’t expect he’d get much of an argument this time, after he showed her the most recent note.

“It’s got a huge gap in the back,” she was saying as she turned it around. “See? Riley, you’re not even looking.”

He shifted his gaze back to hers, shifting his body behind her as well. “I know, and I’m sorry.” He kept a running scan as he spoke. “Listen, I hate to ruin this, but I really think we need to get out of here. Now.”

“What’s—” She took one look at his face, then immediately followed his gaze. The color in her cheeks faded instantly. “Here? You think he’s here? But—”

He took hold of her arm from the back, where no one could see, and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “Just humor me, I’ll explain when we’re in the truck.”

Thankfully she didn’t argue, and they made a beeline for the parking lot. Riley felt a lot better when they were on the road and he only had the cars behind him to scan. No one had pulled out from the lot after him, as far as he could see, but there was no use in taking chances. SoulM8 could have stayed in his vehicle, parked out along the main road, whatever. Or Riley could be completely overreacting. And he hoped to hell he was. Either way, he was going to err on the side of caution.

Tanzy folded her arms. “What’s going on? What’s happened? Something happened, didn’t it? Before we left the house. Did Ernie tell you something? Did you guys make a match or something?”

“First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. For ruining your tree hunt.”

She snorted. “Don’t. I was only doing it to humor Millicent.”

Riley kept his gaze split between the road and the rearview mirror. “It might have started that way, but you wanted a tree.” He spared her a glance. “And as soon as I think it’s safe, we’re going to go back out and pick the best damn tree there is. That’s a promise.”

She started to argue. He merely sent her a warning glance. She made a face, which made him smile. He caught her satisfied smile from the corner of his eye. They made a good team. He wondered how long that would last.

This all seemed so easy, so natural, when neither had ever been the case in the past for him. Maybe it was because they were a lot alike, the two of them. Both valuing their independence above all else, both struggling to put family issues in perspective, neither looking for someone else to make them happy.

How they’d ended up like this, he had no idea. And yet he had no plans on walking away from it. Scary, yes. But scarier still to run from it and wonder what it could have been like if he’d had the balls to stick it out. So he was sticking it out. He had no clue what he was doing, but staying was the obvious first step.

Apparently buying a Christmas tree was going to be the second. He smiled, feeling ridiculously happy, despite the threat they were dealing with. He’d been a kid the last time he’d really celebrated Christmas. He’d figured he’d merely outgrown the hoopla. Apparently he was wrong about that.

“Okay, you’re right. I guess I want a tree.” She pointed a finger. “But you have to be fully involved in the selection process. If we’re going to celebrate Christmas together, it’s going to be an equal-opportunity holiday. Meaning we both suffer the good with the bad. Now tell me what’s going on. This is the thing you wanted to talk to me about, isn’t it? About SoulM8.”

“I was planning to tell you when you first came downstairs. But then Millicent showed up and I wasn’t about to get into it in front of her.”

Tanzy dropped the defensive posture. “But that was before you got online, right after we—”

Riley slowed and pulled into the next public parking lot. He parked facing the street and the only lot entrance so he could monitor any comings and goings. He didn’t want to tell her this while trying to pay attention to the road and the rearview mirror. He looked over at her, held her gaze. “While we were in bed, or in the shower, someone put a note through your slot.”

She sucked in a breath, then swore. “Into my house? He put something in my house?”

He was glad her anger equaled her shock and fear. It would keep her focused. He didn’t bother with the I told you so’s. There was no point beating her up about the security measures she’d refused to take. The look on her face was punishment enough for them both. “I haven’t opened it yet, but the handwriting on the outside was consistent with that on the note we got at the dance. Ernie did email the employment lists from the charity ball, so we have those now, too. We have the guest list from Millicent, so we can compare them both with the FishNet lists. I need to run prints on the new note.” He looked at her. “And the figurine. It would help tremendously if we could also get a writing sample from Martin. We have enough now to do a good comparison.”

But Tanzy was only half listening to him. She was rubbing her arms, and although it was a chilly day in the city, with the wind and the damp from the rain still in the air, Riley didn’t think this had anything to do with her being cold.

“Come here.” He didn’t give a damn who might be watching. He tugged her close, silently cursing the huge console between the seats for keeping them too far apart. He smoothed a palm over her cheek. “We’re going to go by your place and pick up the lists and the card. You’re going to pack a few things, get your laptop. Then you can choose. We can go back to Big Harry. Or we can go to my place. Either/or. Both have the security systems I require in place.”

Tanzy merely stared at him, nonplussed. “I, uh—”

“Don’t argue with me about this, Tanzy.”

She looked into his eyes, and finally nodded. “Okay. We need to go to Millicent’s tonight anyway. Besides, I don’t want to put you out.”

“You wouldn’t.” Not ever. Besides, now that he’d said it, he couldn’t stop picturing her in his bed. “And I know you don’t want to worry your aunt. Why don’t we go to my place first, deal with the card and the figurine, let me make some calls. Then we’ll go to Big Harry, help Millicent with the furniture, and if you want to stay there, fine. With everything going on getting ready for the shower, we can make some excuse about staying there without getting into details about why you don’t want to be at home for the time being.”

Tanzy shook her head. “I don’t want to lie to her.” She sighed. “But you’re right. I don’t want to worry her.” She drew her fingertips over his cheek and along his chin. They were a bit shaky, as was her voice, and he hated that anything had ever made her feel that way. “And if you don’t mind too much, I’d really rather not sleep alone tonight.”

Something fierce and primal uncoiled inside of him. There was no denying the power she’d conferred on him by turning to him in her time of need. But there was more at stake here than her safety. And he discovered he wanted her turning to him for . . . everything. He shifted his head, just slightly, and pulled two of her fingers into his mouth. Her eyes widened and she gasped, both in surprise and in pleasure. He let them slide out, then claimed her mouth. Slowly, with the intent to seduce, to claim, so that she wanted him in her bed every night.

Not as a big watchdog, but because she couldn’t imagine him anywhere else.

“Come home with me, Tanzy,” he murmured, rubbing his lips over hers.

She merely nodded, then deepened the kiss again.

Riley had to force himself to pull away, to not let his need for her cloud every last ounce of judgment he possessed. “We should move on,” he said.

“Yeah.” She pressed one last lingering kiss to his lips, then another one on the curve of his chin, before settling back into her seat. She sighed and when he looked at her as he backed out, he was happy to see the edge of fear in her eyes was gone. Replaced by need. For him.

“We’re getting pretty good at this necking in the car thing,” she said finally, “but I have to tell you, I’m feeling sort of old, because I’d really prefer a nice soft bed somewhere.”

Riley grinned and pulled back out on the street. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s hell being a grown-up, isn’t it?”

He pulled into the alleyway behind her row house and tucked his SUV in behind her little sports car. “I want you to stay with me, but let me go in first.”

To her credit, she didn’t shudder or hesitate to follow him. She’d gotten herself together on the short ride home and Riley knew he could count on her to keep a cool head. “Okay. Let’s roll.”

They moved swiftly. Thankfully there were no new notes, or any other surprises, waiting for them inside. Tanzy packed with surprising speed and Riley collected the papers and envelope—the figurine was already in the truck—and slid them in a big padded mailer that Tanzy got from her office. They were back in his truck and pulling out in under twenty minutes.

He checked the dash clock. “I’m about twenty-five, thirty minutes south of here. We’ll still have plenty of time to make it back to Millicent’s by eight.” He glanced over at Tanzy, who’d gotten very quiet. “You hungry? Want to stop and pick something up on the way in?”

She shook her head.

With an eye on the road, he reached over and took her hand. “It’s going to be okay. It will end at some point. Maybe even today, depending on what we get from the note and figurine. I know you don’t want to hear that, but we can’t ignore that Martin has access to your email, he was at the dance, and he has your home address. I know you’re feeling hunted and I’m not ruling out the FishNet angle. But I wouldn’t uproot you if—”

“Actually, I’m pissed,” she said, her voice all but vibrating. “I hate giving him even this much power, to run me out of my own house.” She turned her hand palm up, wove her fingers through his, and squeezed. “But I won’t feel comfortable sleeping here, knowing he was right on my front porch.” She swore. “Whoever the hell he is.”

It was the closest she’d come to admitting her own mentor might be stalking her. Riley said nothing more. She was dealing with enough at the moment. He decided maybe he’d take the scenic route down the coast and cut across town. Then, just on the outskirts, he saw the small hand-painted sign and smiled. He slowed the truck and turned off the main road.

“I thought you said you lived south of the city.”

“I do. We have one stop to make first.”

She merely nodded and stared out the window, but he knew her thoughts were focused inward. On SoulM8. On Martin. On what impact it might have on her entire future. He hoped to change all that. At least for a little while.

He went a few hundred yards, then saw another hand-painted sign. He turned off just past it into a small, makeshift lot. A lot dotted with rows of fir trees.

Tanzy turned to him, and the light in her eyes went a long way toward assuaging a bit of the guilt he felt for putting her through all this.

“You didn’t have to do this.”

Oh, if she could see her face, she’d know that he absolutely had to do this. “Come on. Let’s go find a tree.”

“Where are we going to put it? Don’t you already have a tree at your place?”

He shook his head.

“God, we’re a pair, aren’t we?”

He smiled. “I’ve been thinking about that, and you might have a point.” He came around to her side of the truck, but she’d already slid out. This time when she grabbed his hand, he didn’t slide his back out again.

One hour later and leaving no Christmas tree unexamined, they pulled back out of the lot, a nice Douglas fir tied to the top of Riley’s SUV.

“I don’t suppose you have a stand,” she mentioned. “And I guess I shouldn’t mention that we have absolutely nothing to decorate it with.”

“I don’t have a stand. But . . . I do have some decorations.”

Something in the tone of his voice must have alerted her; she glanced over at him. “Aha,” she teased. “So you have put up a tree before. You’re not as pathetic about the holidays as I am after all.”

“In my own defense, I’ve been known to carve a pumpkin or two. But no, I haven’t put up a tree in years.”

“Then . . . ?”

He sighed, but instead of feeling embarrassed or, worse, emotional and sad at the memories he was dredging up, he smiled, warmed by them, by sharing them with her. It was a pleasant surprise, a welcome one at that. “When my mother died, my dad stopped putting up trees. Claimed it was silly since we were both grown men. I was still in high school, but I know he stopped because it was her favorite time of the year and he simply couldn’t bring himself to deal with it. He sold the house right after I went to college, but he let me put into storage whatever I wanted for after graduation. So I . . . I kept them. The decorations.”

All of them. Boxes full of memories. All good, he realized now, wondering why he’d let his father’s grief, his own grief, keep him from enjoying something he could still share with his mother. It seemed almost silly now, all these years later. And yet, maybe it was the fact that he wouldn’t be sharing them alone that had finally made it okay. “They’re packed away in a storage shed.” He grinned, that ridiculous sense of happiness filling him again. “Somewhere.”

“Are you sure you want to go digging them out?”

He glanced at her. “Yeah, positive.”

Tanzy didn’t know what she’d been expecting. Some small bachelor pad or something. A few rooms over a storefront that housed their business, whatever. Nothing would have surprised her. Or so she thought.

It was an admitted shock when they wound their way up a semiprivate road above Pacifica, into the hills, to a small house perched at an angle on the side of a mountain. It wasn’t anything fancy; in fact, it was a sort of odd patchwork of rooms sticking up and out at various angles, with a long deck jutting off around the back. She didn’t know that much about real estate down this way, but she did know that, regardless of its rather remote location and less than spacious size, the view of the valley and ocean alone would put a pretty price tag on the place.

He glanced over at her, must have seen something in her expression. “It was a good investment from my playing days. It’s the one thing I kept. For the equity. And the view.”

She looked out over the treetops as he swung into the short gravel drive and parked in front of the garage and a small outbuilding that was probably the shed he’d referred to earlier. Then she looked back at him and found him looking out past the trees, too, to the valley and ocean beyond. This place was a whole lot more than an investment. It radiated from his eyes, from his expression, even his body language. “You kept it because it’s home.” She smiled. “You love it up here.”

He smiled at her. “That, too.”

He turned off the ignition, but didn’t get out right away.

“Does your father live out here with you?”

Riley laughed. “Not hardly. He hates it out here. Doesn’t understand why I don’t sell the place and buy us a condo on some golf course somewhere.”

“You play golf?”

Riley shook his head. “My father’s addiction. I still play some pickup basketball with the guys after practice. That’s hell enough on the knee.” He tapped the steering wheel with his palms, then took a breath and slid out of the truck. “Come on, I’ll give you the nickel tour.”

Tanzy smiled as she slid out of her side of the truck. She realized he was nervous about her reaction to his place. She could have told him she didn’t care if he lived in the potting shed, but she merely smiled and looped her arm through his, wanting to see his home through his eyes.

“There’s not much to see,” he warned.

“You know what strikes me about this place, right off?” she said, ignoring the fact that he thought she needed big and fancy to be impressed. He didn’t know everything. “It’s peaceful. Quiet. You sort of feel the city noise and buzz just seep right out of your bones.” She laughed a little.

“Actually, you pegged it pretty well. Magnify the city sounds by thousands of people cheering in the stands and you can see why I liked coming out here during the off-season.”

She slid her hand down to his as they climbed onto the long, narrow deck that started at the side door and disappeared around the back corner of the house. Part of it was screened in and she spied a huge, wide hammock dominating almost the whole front corner. “And now that the cheering crowds are gone for good?”

He shrugged and propped the screen door open with his hip. “I still need the peace and quiet.” He didn’t need a key, he just opened the front door. “I’ll warn you, it’s decorated in Early Bachelor. And the maid hasn’t been here in, oh, about six years.”

Tanzy laughed and stepped in behind him. Her immediate impression was warmth. The room was long, narrow, with a high beamed ceiling, part of which had been replaced with a skylight. It was a cocoon of soft, overstuffed furniture, warm golden walls, polished wooden floors, and throw rugs everywhere. “All it needs is a big dog with a sloppy tongue lolling out of his mouth.” She smiled up at him. “It’s wonderful.”

Riley surprised her by pulling her tight up against him and taking her in a kiss quite unlike any they’d shared before. There was something distinctly possessive about it. And Tanzy discovered that was quite all right with her.

When he let her toes reach the floor again, he half laughed as he lifted his head. “Sorry.”

“What for? That was the best welcome a girl could ever want. Besides the drooling dog, I mean,” she teased.

“I’ve always wanted one,” he admitted. “But I was traveling too much when I first moved here, and now, with some jobs being unpredictable, I never know when I’ll be back, so . . .” He shrugged.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I thought about getting a cat once.” She laughed. “But I’m not a cat person, so that never happened. I don’t know why I didn’t get a dog. I guess after growing up without a pet, the responsibility just seemed too huge.”

Riley led her into the small kitchen at the rear of the house. “Like I said, we’re a pair.”

“Yeah. Oh, how beautiful,” she said, looking out the back of the house, which was almost entirely glass. The treetops dropped away to provide a stunning view of valley and ocean. “How much of it is yours?”

“Not much. Just down the hill. But the land below me is undeveloped, as is the rest on the other sides. So I get to pretend I’m king of the mountain, even if I’m not.”

She laughed. “It’s good to be the king.” Turning back to him, she said, “It’s really stunning. I can see why you hung on to it.”

There was a flash then of . . . something in his eyes. “What?” She walked closer, put her hands on his arms. It was so natural, touching him, going to him. It amazed her when she let herself think about it. “Come on, tell me.”

“It’s nothing really. I just—” He laughed, shook his head, but there was no amusement in his eyes when he looked past her to the trees beyond the window. It was more like . . . resignation.

She wished she knew what to say, surprised by how much even his mild discontent bothered her. She supposed this was part of it, too. This falling in love stuff. Even though she was perfectly aware that he was a grown man who was responsible for making his own happiness. And, if asked, she wouldn’t have had it any other way. She knew, because she felt exactly the same about her own happiness. And yet she found she wanted to do something, anything, to make him smile, make him happy. It was shocking, really.

“What is it?”

He sighed. “Nothing, really. I’ve been wrestling lately with that whole condo on the golf course thing. With the idea of selling this place.”

Surprised, she asked, “Would he really be happier, knowing you had to give this up?”

“He doesn’t get all that sentimental about stuff. If I sold this place, he could retire, spend his days chasing a white ball around perfectly manicured turf. He gave up a lot for me, so I could go to college, chase my dreams of chasing a football around a different kind of turf. My promise to him, if I made it, was to make that dream of his come true. We’ve been trying, through the business, or I have anyway, but—” He stopped, shrugged. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I guess it’s the whole holiday thing.”

She rubbed his arm. “Certainly he understands that more than his dreams were crushed when your knee was mangled.”

He looked down at her then, a half smile curving his lips. She knew, in that moment, that she was no longer falling. She was there.

“It sounds so rational when you say it,” he said with a wry smile. “But I could have made it happen. I guess that’s the hard part to swallow, even now. I’d invested wisely. I didn’t need much anyway, just for me. But Finn, well, he’s got an eye for the ladies, but not much of one for business. The managing of it, anyway. He’s good enough at what he does, very good actually, but—” He shrugged. “It took most of what I had to bail him out. But we still had the business, so what else was I supposed to do? I figured if I could get it up and solid, maybe we’d both eventually have something to retire on.”

“But your dad isn’t interested in the long-term payoff, I take it.”

Riley nodded. “I guess he thought waiting all through school, college, then me finally making it through the draft into the pros was long-term enough.”

“What about what you wanted to do? You said something about being a coach, at the college level.”

“I figured there would be time for that later, after he retired. If I still wanted it. Only it looks like I’m going to have to think a bit long-term myself.”

She slid her arms around his waist and hugged him. “What you did for your dad was—is—wonderful, but surely, sentimental or not, he wouldn’t want you to give up this place, too. Doesn’t it already bother him that you’re working the business with him, instead of what you’d really rather be doing? Isn’t that sacrifice enough?”

Riley shook his head. “It’s more complicated than that. We’re all we have. And I guess I wanted to share something with him, for all that he did for me, with sports. He was never into it himself. I thought this was a way for us to, I don’t know, bond or something.”

She looked up at him, waited for him to shift his gaze to hers. “Is it working?”

Riley laughed, this time the amusement reaching his eyes. “I’m not sure. We’re making a run at it. And the business is steady enough. Accepting the job working for your aunt was a definite move in the right direction.”

“Hoping for recommendations, are you?”

“That’s how the business works. But Finn’s still more interested in play than work. He gets the job done, for the most part, but there’s no fire in his belly to really make something of it. He’s past that, I guess. I think he’s hoping I’ll do it, the next generation and all that. He’s trained me well enough. I’m good at the job. Though you wouldn’t know it by how I’ve handled things with you, I guess.”

She grinned, sliding her hands down to his quite fine derriere. “Oh, you’ve handled things well enough, let me assure you.”

“Have I, now?” He dipped his head, nipped at her lower lip, teased her with a few kisses, until she sighed and leaned into him, cupping him to her hips and moaning in appreciation at what she discovered when she did.

“Does the nickel tour include the bedroom?” she murmured, more than willing to let the subject change. This was his refuge and she felt bad that she’d dredged up old feelings probably better left undredged. “Actually, a tour of that couch would be perfectly fine.” She shot him a fast grin. “As long as there’s no console in the middle of it.”

He kissed her in response, and she forgot all about aborted careers and parental expectations. Thoughts of stalkers and danger seemed far away.

“I think we can find our way to bed,” he murmured against her mouth.

He did sweep her up in his arms this time, muffling her protest with another kiss. A short hallway later, the wide bed met his back with a soft thump. She bounced against his chest, and was quickly rolled beneath him. She reached for his shirt, but he pinned her wandering hands to the bed.

“Uh-uh. We’ve got hours. I’m taking this slow.” To prove his intent, he began a lazy trail with his tongue. He unbuttoned the shirt she’d put on to hunt for trees when they’d left with Millicent, what seemed like a century ago now. He nudged aside her bra, and spent an inordinate amount of time making her moan as he toyed with her nipples.

His mouth moved tantalizingly lower. She arched her back. Hours of this? She should be so lucky. She almost giggled. Oh yeah. She was that lucky.

Then it would be his turn. Oh yes. She’d make him forget all about the pain in his knee. And, if she was really good, the one in his heart as well.

She hadn’t forgotten about the note that hadn’t been opened, the lists that needed comparing. The figurine. But at the moment, she simply couldn’t think of anything more important than spending the afternoon making love with Riley.

Take that, SoulM8.