Dear Tanzy Tells All,

I read your latest column and I gotta tell you, we wolves aren’t all that thrilled with your decision to expose our dating and mating habits to the Little Red Riding Hoods of the world. Next thing you know they’ll all be heading off to church groups and Rotary Club picnics . . . and settling for other sheep. Where will that leave us? Preying on each other? Ha! I don’t think so. You know what happens when two wolves get all tangled up together?

Okay, sure, it has its moments—if you don’t mind claw marks down your back. But we’d know each other too well and next thing you know, we’d end up with our own little den, starting our own little pack. . . . No, no, this is simply not going to work. Honestly, we like reading about your wolf pursuits, but can you leave the analysis out of it? Makes it kind of hard to cruise the herd, you know what I mean? I think you do.

But, uh, hey, if you’re not doing anything Friday night . . . you can always give me a howl. My old claw marks are just about healed up.

(Signed)

One of the few remaining Big Bad Wolves, and proud of it