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“YOU LOOK GOOD THIS morning,” Gail said as she watched Lexie walk toward her.
Lexie rolled her eyes. “Sure. My ankles and feet are swollen. My girth rivals that of a whale’s, and my face is getting pudgy.”
Gail deftly pulled on the fingers of her work gloves, removing them. She noticed the way Lexie’s eyes sparkled and shook her head. “No. When I was pregnant with you and Phillip, I was huge. I waddled when I walked. Your father used to laugh and compare me to a penguin, but you...you look great. Pregnancy looks good on you. You’re glowing today.”
“Right.”
Silence filled the air around them for a moment, and Gail figured she probably said the wrong thing, but couldn’t help herself. She needed to press upon Lexie the beauty of life, of carrying a child in your womb, unwanted or not. Lexie viewed the baby as nothing more than an extension of her rape, and Gail couldn’t blame her, nor could she understand what it would feel like to be in her daughter’s shoes, but regardless, the baby, her granddaughter, was innocent.
“Penny’s in her stall. I didn’t want her out in the field. I swear she’s going to foal any time now, but I’ve got to help your father at the market, and then I have an appointment with my doctor—”
“Is something wrong?” Lexie’s eyes widened in alarm.
Gail put her hands up. “No. Nothing. Don’t worry. Just a routine checkup and blood work.” She shook her head in dismay. “But if I don’t go, your father will be all over me. You know him. He’s always on top of me to go at least twice a year. I swear that man is looking for something to happen to me.”
Lexie laughed. “He worries so much.” When Gail just nodded, Lexie added, “He must be worried sick about me.”
“More than you can know.” Gail pushed a stray lock of hair out of her face. “We both have been. I think he’s mainly worried about you and the baby now. You’ve come a long way since you showed up here.”
Lexie’s smile was faint. Her gaze strayed off into the distance before returning to Gail. “I guess I have. There are times when I don’t feel like I’ve come a long way though. Then there are these tiny moments, glimmers really, when I forget.”
An image of Elliot flashed into Gail’s head. Lexie had been spending time with him lately, a point which Gail had made sure not to make a big a deal out of, for fear of spoiling it, but she hoped something was happening there. “What makes you forget?” she asked.
“Yesterday I picked up a camera again. Through a lens, everything seems different. Everything’s more beautiful, peaceful, and focused.” She sighed, meeting Gail’s gaze. “And Elliot.”
Gail suppressed a smile. “Are you going to see him today?”
“I asked him to join me for a while.”
Gail glanced at her watch.
“You need to go?” Lexie asked.
“I’d better. Check on Penny though. She’s anxious and riled. She’s going soon; I can feel it in these old bones. If my Ed weren’t making me go to this darned appointment, I’d just stay here.” She sighed and looked with longing at the barn. “Call me if anything happens. I’ll see you later today, and tell Elliot I said hello.” She brushed past Lexie, then turned and said, “You take care of that grandchild of mine. You hear?”
“Mom,” Lexie said, her face drawn in a tight line of disapproval. “I’m not—”
Gail brushed Lexie off. She didn’t want to hear, I’m not keeping it. “I know. She’s still my grandchild either way, and I still love her all the same.”
Gail left Lexie alone with her thoughts, frowning. She got into her car and pulled out of the drive.
She was pushing it with Lexie. She shouldn’t keep pressing the issue about the baby being “her grandchild,” but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Ed would tell her to leave the situation alone. He’d say she was meddling, and maybe she was. In some weird way, by pressing the issue that the baby inside her belonged to all of them and was already loved, wanted by her, Ed, and even Phillip, she hoped it would rub off on her. Maybe it would make a decision to keep the child easier. Gail wanted Lexie to keep the baby, not only because she wanted desperately to be a part of her granddaughter’s life, but also because she thought the baby would be a blessing in disguise, the one light in all the dark of this tragedy.
Gail was determined. She had to make Lex see, to make her realize that giving the child up wouldn’t erase the past. Lexie remained convinced she would never see more in the baby than the man that raped her, but if she just opened her heart, she would see more than that. Lexie would have the chance at the kind of joy only a parent could understand, a chance at healing, of knowing that at least one good thing came of the situation. The fact that Lexie had yet to arrange the adoption, further convinced Gail that her mind wasn’t set on giving up the baby.
Good things were on the horizon for Lexie, Gail could feel it.
Whatever her reasons for leaving, she was back, and if she could find herself again, she had a chance at real happiness, a real life here. Lexie’s time spent with Elliot pleased Gail like nothing else. She knew her daughter, and she didn’t need to read Lexie’s mind to know what was in her heart. Lexie never stopped loving him. Happiness was within her reach. She just needed to grasp it.
Lexie had made leaps and bounds in her recovery these past months. She was no longer the despondent, scared, woman who showed up on their doorstep nearly three months ago. Her eyes were no longer vacant. Instead, in the past weeks especially, when a real smile spread across Lexie’s face, life flickered in her solemn chestnut eyes. She went from sleeping on the floor outside of her parent’s room at thirty, to moving into her own place. She no longer talked about her rape, with shame and remorse, as if she was somehow to blame.
For all these things, Gail had hope. Just as she had hope Lexie would not give up her baby. Lexie would hold her daughter in her arms, tiny and perfect, pink and swollen from her journey into the world, and she would smile down at her, hold onto her tightly and never let her go.