5

why me?

you need to know

It’s natural for survivors to ask the question, why me? over and over again. Unfortunately, there isn’t a clear answer to this question. In truth, it’s never acceptable for a person to sexually violate someone else, and you did nothing wrong. In life, bad things happen to good people, and this is especially true for survivors of sexual assault. Part of healing is learning to find ways to deal with the question, why me? and still live the life you want.

my story

Following the sexual abuse, I would ask myself, Why me? Over time I realized it was because I was the youngest, most vulnerable, and easiest to target. Did that knowledge help me cope with the reality that I was going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life? Not really. However, over time I have developed a strength that has grown exponentially within me. This strength has prepared me to take on whatever comes my way. I learned I was strong and would not let him or the sexual abuse hold me back. I may have felt powerless at the time of the incident, but I have since refused to relinquish that power to the person who harmed me. I no longer ask, Why me? I know why. The experience has helped me evolve into the strong, independent woman that I am today. It has made me a compassionate, tolerant, and dependable person for those in need. It gave me the curiosity to explore human behavior and the drive to put myself through school and earn a degree from a prestigious university. It has given me the determination for the relentless pursuit of success and happiness. ~Jessica

Ruminating is the act of focusing on pain and replaying this type of question over and over again. Although asking yourself questions like “Why me?” and “What did I do wrong?” is perfectly normal, when it keeps you stuck and overwhelmed, it is unhelpful. Overcoming ruminating involves the following:

directions

Work through the strategies below to stop ruminating thoughts.

  1. What unhelpful thoughts do you play repeatedly in your mind?
  2. How does ruminating on these thoughts affect you? For example, do you feel depressed, anxious, or angry?
  3. Look at the thoughts you listed in question 1, and insert each one into the statement below.

    I am having the thought that .It’s perfectly normal for me to have these kinds of thoughts. Having these thoughts doesn’t mean that I can’t pay attention to what I’m doing today or what’s going on in this moment.

    Practice this statement each time you start to ruminate on a thought.

  1. Recognize that your thoughts can freely come and go. Have you ever watched clouds float in the sky? Some are big, some are small, some are bold and dark, some move fast, and some move slow. Thoughts are a lot like clouds. Some pass by quickly, and some linger. Just like clouds, thoughts will eventually float away. For each thought that you previously listed, imagine it being attached to a cloud and let it freely float away at its own pace.
  2. Pay attention to what is happening right here and now. Listen to the sounds of nature or focus on the colors that surround you. Write the good things going on in your life; whether they’re big or small, they matter. For example, did you get a part in a play, are you planning something fun with some friends, or are you into a TV series that you can’t wait to see the next episode of?

more to do

The next time you find yourself ruminating on a thought, write it down and practice one of the strategies listed above until you are able to break the cycle.

words of inspiration

Don’t let what happened to you define you as a person in a negative way. Be determined to turn it into a positive. As difficult as they may be, the bad things that happen make us stronger and wiser. We can use that strength and wisdom to help others, which can be super healing! ~Jessica