I learned to love again when I stopped faulting myself for what someone else did to me. I learned that not everyone is out to hurt me. Knowing that I am deserving and worthy of love helps me hold myself in high regard. I had to learn to find joy in life and love myself. And, yes it can get lonely, but you have to learn to love yourself, find joy in life, find comfort in doing things by yourself, and believe, whether you are with someone or not, you are going to be okay. When you love yourself enough, you won’t allow anything else less than good to come into your life. ~Tanisha
31
responding to love and joy
you need to know
Learning to experience positive emotions is an important part of recovery. Survivors of sexual trauma may feel they are unworthy of love and joy. Perhaps they believe that if they allow themselves to feel happiness, something bad will happen. However, not allowing themselves a chance to experience these positive emotions can keep them from living life to its fullest.
my story
Love and joy are not tangible, meaning you can’t see these emotions; you can only express and feel them. The words “I love you” are some of the strongest words known to humanity. Loving yourself is as important as loving other people, and it begins with developing healthy relationships, learning to feel worthy of respect, and allowing yourself to experience joy.
There are two fundamentals in learning to experience positive emotions, such as love and joy. First, you have to acknowledge when the feelings are present. If you have numbed yourself to your feelings, it will take time for your emotions to wake up, but they will awaken again. Second, you have to practice expressing love and joy, to both yourself and others.
directions
Write down as many words as you can to describe “love” and “joy.” If you are having trouble, use a dictionary or a search engine to help you find synonyms.
Over the course of a day, keep a list of any positive emotions you feel. Even if you experience something positive for a few seconds, write it down. Do this every day for a week.
After a week, look at your list. If you expressed those feelings to someone else, circle them. If you did not express those feelings to anyone, write a few sentences describing how you could have expressed those feelings to someone.
Example: “Mom, the breakfast you made was really good. It was nice to hang out with you for a few minutes.”
more to do
In order to find joy, you have to open your heart to love.
- Inside the heart, write ways you can express love or joy to yourself. For example, list some things that you enjoy doing that help you feel love and happiness, such as:
- spending time with someone you care about
- walking in the park
- playing with your beloved pet
- Outside of the heart, write down the things that are keeping you from experiencing love and joy. For example, are you blaming yourself for the past, are you holding a grudge against someone, or are you protecting yourself from getting hurt?
- The next time you desire love and joy, do some of the items you listed in your heart. By engaging in loving care toward yourself over time, you will be able to better express this emotion to others and to feel more joy in your life.
Open Hearts
words of inspiration
Be open to love and joy. Don’t let your past hinder you from moving forward. Be open to getting to know new people and exploring new relationships. ~Tanisha