I was raped, multiple times, and it wasn’t my fault. I have learned to take ownership for everything I do in my life, but I won’t take ownership of what happened to me. There is absolutely nothing I did that warranted ownership of the rape. The person who raped me tried to destroy me, but I didn’t let him. Don’t let the person who did this to you destroy you. What happened isn’t your fault. Don’t own something you didn’t do. I had to learn to respect myself and move forward, and if I can find the strength to do it, so can you. ~Tanisha
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respecting and nurturing yourself
you need to know
Self-respect is the acceptance of yourself as a person, regardless of your past. It involves treating yourself with honor and dignity and expecting others to treat you with the respect you deserve.
my story
Through this journey you have blossomed into an amazing young woman. Take time to celebrate who you are and how far you have come. As you continue your journey, stay focused on treating yourself with dignity and high self-worth. You can begin respecting yourself by doing some of the following things.
- Focus on healthy ways to make yourself feel good and do them.
- Exercise.
- Talk to friends.
- Engage in a hobby you enjoy, such as cooking or sports.
- Practice your favorite distraction, such as listening to music.
- Use mindfulness skills to get back in touch with how you are feeling and what you are thinking in the present moment.
- Breathe in and out slowly with one hand on your chest and one hand on your abdomen. See if you can get most of the air to flow into your abdomen.
- Now, put one hand over your heart and breathe. Focus on how your mind feels calmer as your body slows down.
- Identify how you want to be treated by others and expect to be treated that way. If you are in a relationship in which you are not being treated with respect, consider changing that relationship.
- Remember that people who respect you should never repeatedly put you down, call you names, or physically harm you.
- People who respect you encourage you to grow, take time to listen to you, and value your thoughts and feelings.
directions
How you see yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you allow others to treat you can become your reality and in turn affect your self-respect. Just as a flower needs nurturing to bloom into an amazing natural occurrence, you too will blossom into a strong and confident young woman with care and nurturing. It’s time to show the world what you have to offer.
Using the three ways to develop self-respect we've described, complete the flower petals with the following information.
Write something that makes you feel good and you enjoy doing (two petals).
Write how you would like to be treated by others (one petal). Be as specific as possible. Examples: I expect not to be hit, sworn at, or put down, or I’d like a friend who will listen when I’m upset and not just change the subject.
Write things you can do to focus on your present thoughts and emotions (two petals). Examples: Mindful breathing or visualization.
more to do
Imagine that a girl who has been sexually abused is approaching you. Her self-esteem is low, and she bows her head in shame. She looks up to you as a role model and needs your guidance.
Offer her advice by writing her a letter. Include the following items in your letter.
- Tell her what “self-respect” is.
- Let her know why it’s important to respect oneself.
- Give her specific suggestions about how she can start respecting herself.
Remember the same advice you would give to someone else is the same advice you should take yourself. Give yourself what you deserve: love, compassion, and respect.
words of inspiration
Respect yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive the person who did this to you. Allow yourself freedom to move forward. Allow yourself time to heal. Time does heal. ~Tanisha