Anyone who reads my stuff/is related to me knows I created an app and published a book solely on break-ups, called Break-up Boss.

Mariah Carey called it ‘a lifesaver’, and even though that is a lie, many non–Mariah Carey people have really found it to be a very helpful aid when they’re trudging through the rage, sadness, grief and confusion that comes when a relationship ends. It goes without saying (but not writing) that if you’re in deep heart-pain or confusion: download the app or read the book.

As I forcefully, relentlessly explain in Break-up Boss, breakups are not a bad thing. They are, in fact, a gift! There are only a handful of times in your life that you will be given the opportunity to grow and evolve and really find out what you’re made of, and break-ups are one of them. Embrace it for all that it is. Relish it. You and your ex, you have each been given another chance to find true, genuine happiness, whether that’s alone or with someone new. Things were not working. Something needed to change. Change hurts, but it’s inevitable. Also it’s a conduit to a deeper and more meaningful existence, but whatever.

Bah! But that’s all big-picture stuff. When you’re in the thick of it, and your stomach is hollow, and your heart is bruised, and your ego is battered, and your emotions are in a blender, it’s impossible to remember the big picture. You just want to sink into the fabric of the couch, and tell everyone to fuck off, except for the Uber Eats guy, obviously, ’cos he brings the pizza.

This is acceptable and understandable. For a time.

Being a dejected little grub with a sore heart is part of our emotional evolution. It’s not something to rush through. What you resist persists, so pretending you’re fine when all you want (need) to do is cry and mourn and swear is unhelpful. Sit in it.

But not forever.

Get it all out, feel sorry for yourself, wallow and wail, then buck up, and get your shit together. This is the butterfly bit! Where you wiggle out of your cocoon, and spread your glorious wings, and start smelling flowers again. It’s magnificent, and while you might not comprehend how you will ever feel joy again as you sit in your darkest moments, you will. You really, really will.

Life is about so, so much more than relationships – happy ones, or ones that have ended, no matter how abruptly or painfully or angrily. Life is about you, your choices and what you do with them. Or in other words, your choices at this stage are not The Ex, or Alone Forever. Break-ups force us to grow, and blossom, and understand who we are. You have no choice but to become a better version of you. And that’s kind of beautiful.

This too will pass.
This too will pass.
This too will pass.