While Laura hadn’t had any expectations about the evening, Toni had, and as she shut her bedroom door, she growled under her breath, “Fucking coward!”
Since seeing Laura standing nude in the bathroom, desires that had remained dormant for years awakened with a vengeance, and Toni’s libido refused to remain silent any longer. It had become impossible to look at Laura and not remember the feminine curves of ivory or the swells with dark pink centers, and digging deep Toni had finally managed to find the courage to kiss the woman she loved, but it was all she could do. Fear had won out again, so Toni did the only thing she could. She escaped to the safety of her bedroom.
Angrily getting undressed, Toni yanked on a pair of blue pajama bottoms and a white T-shirt, then stomped to the bathroom where she glared at herself in the mirror as she scrubbed her face clean of makeup. After making sure every speck of cosmetics had been washed away, she walked back to her bed and slumped on its edge. Looking around the room, she shook her head in disgust. This wasn’t what she wanted.
Just like she had with her flat, Toni had turned the small bedroom into a sanctuary. She could close the door against the terrors of the world, but Laura was no longer a terror and Toni no longer wanted to shut her out. She wanted nothing more than to make love to Laura, to touch her, to taste…to feel, but she needed nerve for that. She needed a backbone not warped by memories of a filthy prison and despicable guards, and while over the past week, she had convinced herself that she could take the next step, she just couldn’t.
With a sigh, Toni got up and opened her bedroom door a crack, hoping that the soft sounds of classical music could somehow ease her pain.
***
Lying on the sofa, her ankles crossed and her hands behind her head, Laura came to the conclusion that it was pointless. She had tried for the better part of an hour to rid herself of the smile she was wearing, but nothing had worked, and she was tired of trying.
After changing into her pajamas, she had poured herself a cup of tea, turned on the CD player and settled on the sofa. Believing that between a not-so-good book and the melodic tones of Bach, the nervous energy that filled her being would diminish, after an hour Laura gave up, tossed the book aside, stared up at the ceiling and let out a quiet laugh. She had never felt like this. Like a child high on sugar, Laura felt as if she could a run marathon or climb a mountain, and it was all due to one simple, delicate kiss.
Breathing deeply, Laura thought back over the evening and mentally patted herself on the back. She hadn’t had any expectations, at least not any about a good night kiss. She had assumed that sometime during the night she would have to come to Toni’s aid, helping her order food or drink, or possibly with a visit to the ladies’, but that hadn’t happened. And while her thoughts had drifted at times, and her body had quivered, Laura had pushed those feelings away, never once allowing them to intrude upon the evening. Memories of their first date were much too precious to ruin by pushing too hard or asking too much.
When Laura felt another flicker of awareness between her legs, she chuckled to herself and climbed off the sofa. Deciding she needed to burn off some energy if she planned to get to sleep before dawn, she headed to the kitchen. Putting some water on to boil, she went about rearranging the pantry, but when she saw a jar of heather honey on the shelf, her plans for tea changed. Spooning a bit of honey into her mug, she added a healthy measure of Scotch, and then filled it to the rim with boiling water. The scent of heather filled the room, and breathing in deep, Laura hesitantly tasted the drink and sighed at the familiar toffee flavor.
Carefully carrying her nightcap back to the lounge, when Laura noticed Toni’s door was now open a crack, she debated for only a moment before going over and tapping lightly on the door frame.
***
Hearing the knock, Toni looked up to see Laura standing in the doorway dressed in gray and pink pajamas and once again, a ripple of desire ran through Toni’s body.
“I thought you were asleep,” Laura said, stepping into the room.
“No, I’m not tired.”
“Me, either. A bit wound up from dinner, I guess. I made myself a hot toddy,” Laura said, holding up the mug. “I can make you one, if you’d like.”
Shaking her head, Toni returned her gaze to the floor. “No, that’s okay.”
Walking closer, Laura asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar.”
“It’s nothing, Laura…really.”
Believing that Toni needed reassurance, Laura said, “Toni, I was telling the truth. I wasn’t expecting anything else tonight. I really wasn’t.”
“Maybe I was,” Toni said in a whisper.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Please stop saying that it’s nothing, and tell me what you’re talking about.”
Looking up for a split-second, Toni’s heart skipped a beat when she found herself staring into Laura’s eyes, and quickly returning her gaze to the floor, she blurted, “I love you, Laura. You’re gorgeous, and I love you…and…and I want you, but I can’t…I just can’t find the courage. Do yourself a favor. Go find someone else to love, because I can’t take the next step. I honestly can’t.”
With Toni’s words ringing in her ears, Laura placed the steaming mug on the nightstand. Time seemed to stop as she stood there, watching the woman sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, and while Laura had told herself a hundred times that she’d never make the first move again, she was about to do just that.
All Toni wanted was for Laura to leave so she could sulk in privacy. Refusing to look up, Toni waited and waited…and waited, and just when she was about to demand Laura’s exit, a gray and pink pajama top floated to the floor in front of her.
A shockwave of want shot through Toni’s body at the sight of the fabric on the floor, and the sound of her gasp filled the room. An eternity passed as she stared at the rumpled top, and even though she had told herself, convinced herself that her fears would always win out, they were about to be bested by an intangible thing called desire. With her heartbeat pounding in her ears, Toni slowly raised her eyes.
Laura was watching for any sign from Toni that she had made a mistake. Her palms were sweaty and her heart raced, but Laura didn’t move an inch. Although a wee bit unnerved by her own nudity, when Toni looked up and their eyes met, Laura let out the breath she’d been holding. There was a need in Toni’s eyes...and it was carnal.
They were perfect. In Toni’s head, over and over the words kept repeating as she gazed upon Laura’s breasts. Round and firm, with peaks taut and dark, they were absolutely the most beautiful breasts Toni had ever seen, and swallowing the moisture building in her mouth, she cautiously reached out and cupped one in her hand.
Laura had never added up the times she had made love, but over the years, she had experienced the pleasures of sex with several different partners. They had kissed her, plunged into her and made her moan. They had groped. They had licked. They had tasted, and a few had even made her come, but none of them with one touch had ever made her body rush with want. Feeling Toni’s hand on her breast, Laura liquefied instantly.
Her hand surrounding the swell, with fingers split so as not to touch the hard and erect tip, Toni marveled at the plump softness beneath her palm. Caressing the fullness ever so slowly, she raised her eyes, and when she saw the desire in Laura’s, something deep inside of Toni let loose.
She had never believed that she would ever find the strength to escape the tomb that had become her life. She had never imagined that she’d ever be desirable to another again, and she had never allowed herself to dream. She had never had a reason until now, and the reality of it, the deep-down truth that was unfolding in front of her caused Toni’s emotions to erupt.
Her jaw trembled as her eyes filled with tears, and leaning forward, Toni rested her forehead between Laura’s breasts and began to weep. She cried for the pain and the shame, and for the scars inside and out. She wailed for the loneliness and abandonment by family and for a bottle of vodka that she once believed would be her end. Tears flowed freely, falling from her eyes onto Laura’s belly, and as she wept, Laura held her close.
Her body wracked with sobs and sniffles, it took Toni a while before she could pull herself together. Sitting back, she looked up at Laura and let out a ragged breath.
“You okay?” Laura whispered, wiping a tear from Toni’s cheek.
Nodding, Toni looked at the near-naked woman standing in front of her. “You’re gorgeous.”
“So are you,” Laura said, running her finger down Toni’s jaw line.
Laura was in an odd place. While she had never been with a woman, she was smart enough to know she didn’t need any instructions, but Toni had the experience and that fact caused butterflies to form in Laura’s stomach. Part of her wanted to take the lead. To love this woman like she had never been loved before, but another part, the novice part, wished Toni would make the next move and teach Laura what she longed to learn.
Laura breathed deeply once and then again, hoping it would help settle her nerves, but when she looked into Toni’s eyes for guidance and saw desire staring back at her, it was all the guidance Laura needed. Her eyes never left Toni’s until their mouths were millimeters apart, and as their lips met, Laura slowly closed her eyes. The kiss was cautious and light, Laura allowing her lips to touch Toni’s for only a few seconds before pulling away and starting again. Over and over she kissed her, and with each touch, their passion grew. In the back of her mind, Laura was preparing herself for when Toni would pull away, but when she felt the tip of the woman’s tongue against her lips, Laura’s center pulsed again.
When Laura had bent down to kiss her, fear caused Toni’s heart to skip a beat, but then instinct and desire took hold. Her passion for Laura so strong that it squelched fears and annihilated doubts, Toni found herself wanting more. Sliding the tip of her tongue across Laura’s lips, she asked for it, and when Laura opened them and invited Toni in, the silence of the room was broken by a sensual rumble snaking its way up Toni’s throat.
Toni had never imagined Laura could taste so sweet. Her own flavor mixed with that of heather honey and Scotch whisky, it swirled like blended liquor and permeated Toni’s entire being. Tongues danced, darted and teased as the kiss deepened, both women absorbed in the other’s essence as they took from each other what both wanted to give. Finally, with lips swollen by passion they parted, and as they pulled air into their lungs, Toni’s eyes lowered once more.
Laura couldn’t move. She almost couldn’t breathe. She was being devoured by Toni’s eyes, and it was the most erotic thing Laura had ever experienced. She could feel her nipples harden, tightening at the want growing inside, and when she saw Toni reach out to her, desire flowed thick from Laura’s core.
Toni sighed, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she cupped Laura’s breasts in her hands. They were to die for. She couldn’t help but squeeze and fondle, for breasts this perfect were made for adoration, and unable to wait any longer, Toni ran her thumbs over the dark coral centers. Hearing Laura’s throaty purr, deep inside Toni’s psyche a leer was born.
Pebbled and erect, the hard tips rolled between her fingers, and spurred on by the sound of Laura’s ever-increasing gasps for air, Toni licked her lips and placed her mouth over one swollen bud.
Passion soaked through Laura’s knickers in an instant. “Oh, my God,” she said in a rush of breath, instinctively arching in response. Enthralled by the sensations raging through her body, Laura looked down at the sight of Toni at her breast, and her knees began to shake as her imagination soared.
Tenderly, Toni suckled the tip, slowly flicking her tongue over the hardness before gently placing it between her lips and applying just enough pressure to make a difference. Between Toni’s legs, the ache of her passion increased with each taste of Laura, and Toni knew one thing...she wanted more.
Lowering her hands to the waistband of Laura’s pajamas, she waited only for a breath before pushing them to the floor. The aroma of Laura’s desire rose in the air, and breathing it in, Toni looked up as if to ask permission. When she saw Laura gazing back at her, her face flushed and her lips parted, Toni hooked her fingers in the elastic of the black silk knickers and drew them down.
A feral groan escaped Toni’s lips as all of Laura’s womanly curves came into view. Her eyes traveled past the beautifully formed breasts to a belly with just a hint of roundness. They followed hips that curved perfectly, down to legs, smooth and sculpted, but then they returned to a patch of dark, curly hair and unconsciously Toni licked her lips again.
Laura had no idea how she was still managing to stand. Between her thighs lay an urgency that took her breath away. She felt as if she was being pulled into a vortex, a swirling paradise of sensuality that she didn’t know existed, so when Toni guided her to the bed, Laura went more than willingly.
Together on the edge of the bed, they kissed again. With mouths opened, tongues glided in and out as they feasted on each other, but when Laura moved her hand under Toni’s T-shirt, it was quickly pushed away.
Believing that their night was about to end, sadness swept across Laura’s face, but when she saw Toni reach for the light on the nightstand, the problem became all too clear. “No, Toni,” Laura said, grabbing her arm. “The light stays on.”
“Laura…please, you don’t understand.”
Cupping Toni’s chin in her hand, Laura said softly, “I’m in love with you, Toni, and I’ve never…I’ve never done this before. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not a bit nervous, but this is forever for me. What you and I have tonight…what we do tonight…what we become tonight is something I don’t ever want to forget. I don’t want the memory of our first night together to be filled with shadows and darkness. I want to remember this until the day I die. Please don’t take that away from me. Please don’t take that away from us.”
Toni lowered her eyes, her body going limp as she let out a long, audible breath. Laura had never tried to push her too hard. She had never presumed. She had never lied, and she had never asked too much, and because of it, Toni knew she couldn’t refuse Laura’s request. Taking a deep breath, Toni looked up and nodded, and a few seconds later, Laura lifted the white T-shirt from her body.
In her dreams, Laura had imagined hesitation on her part, an awkward shyness of the unknown, an almost virginal moment of stumbling, but she was wrong. Way wrong. The sight of Toni’s body added more fuel to the fire raging between her legs, and almost brazenly, she ogled the woman’s near-nudity in amazement. Toni’s skin was slightly darker than her own and her breasts slightly fuller, and although Laura could easily see a few of the scars, her eyes were drawn to the rose-red centers now rock hard with desire. Leaning in, Laura kissed Toni lightly on the lips before traveling down her neck and across her shoulders. Her fingertips danced softly down long arms and when she reached Toni’s hands, their fingers intertwined. Lowering her head, she captured a hardened peak between her lips.
“Oh, Christ,” Toni said in a breath. “Oh...dear God.”
Totally aroused, Laura circled the dimpled center with her tongue before sucking hard against the tip. Again and again, she flicked and tasted, moving from one breast to the other, anointing each with equal attention until Toni pushed her to the mattress.
Everything Toni thought she had lost returned in force, and she wanted to make love to Laura until the dawn. She wanted to savor every inch and explore every crevice. She wanted it all, and when she saw the look of sheer want on Laura’s face, Toni knew she would have it.
Forgotten was the fear of awakening the rage she knew lived deep within her, and mindless of her scars, Toni quickly stood and pushed her pajama bottoms to the floor. Returning to the bed, she carefully placed her knee between Laura’s opened thighs, and in an instant...Toni Vaughn became who she once was.
Arching her back, Toni rubbed her body against Laura’s. Breast-to-breast and pelvis-to-pelvis, she moved in a calculated slowness, and with each arch of her spine, she pressed her thigh against Laura’s damp entrance. The tempo she set caused whimpers of satisfaction to fall from Laura’s lips, and while Toni’s pace had been one of gentleness, each time her thigh met Laura’s center, Laura couldn’t help but push harder in return.
Never so slick with want that she could feel it drip down her legs, Laura’s thighs were coated, and desperate for release, her instincts turned animal. Opening her eyes, when Toni’s breasts came within reach, Laura pulled a swollen tip into her mouth and sucked hard against the rigid point.
“Oh, Jesus,” Toni hissed as lust hammered between her legs, and pulling Laura from her breast, Toni captured her mouth with hungry urgency.
Laura returned in kind, feeding on Toni’s flavor and sucking against her tongue, with their legs intertwined and bodies becoming one, amidst breaths and thrums of pleasure, love-filled oaths were whispered.
Finally, the need for oxygen forced them to separate, and on outstretched arms, Toni gasped for air as she looked down at Laura…and then their eyes met. Answers were given to questions not needed to be asked, and while an infinitesimal glimmer of fear still nagged at the base of her brain, Toni slid her hand between Laura’s legs, and slowly ran her finger through folds thickened and wet. Never remembering feeling anything so smooth, so soft and so slick, Toni gently rubbed Laura’s sex, casually drawing her finger over every crevice, and when she finally entered Laura’s body for the first time…their moans became one.
Laura was warm and tight, and deliberate in her strokes Toni relished the feel of every millimeter of Laura’s center. In and out her finger moved, pushing deep for a long, delirious moment before returning to the tender flesh soaked with want. Never wavering for a second, she continued to explore as Laura helplessly writhed under her.
Feeling as if the world were spinning out of control, Laura could do nothing but gulp for air while Toni took her to ecstasy. Each plunge seemed a bit quicker, each thrust a bit harder, and when Toni curled her finger, Laura grabbed fistfuls of sheet, arched her back and held her breath. It was building inside of her. Like a wave, it was rushing through her body to her core, and she wanted all of it.
“God, help me,” she said as she pushed hard against Toni’s hand. “Oh…God…help me.”
An uncontrollable cry of satisfaction escaped as the orgasm swept over Laura, and trapping Toni’s hand between her thighs, Laura rode every last wave of rapture with Toni’s finger still inside her body.
***
Although not her intention, after a scrumptious dinner, several glasses of wine, and a climax that had rocked her senses, sleep took hold of Laura only seconds after the last wave of rapture ended. She had no idea how long she slept, but when she awoke, Toni wasn’t in bed. Pushing aside the quilt, Laura quickly pulled on her pajamas and went in search of the woman she loved. Walking into the lounge, she was surprised to see a small fire blazing in the hearth and Toni sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring into the flames.
“I was wondering where you were,” she said softly as she went over and knelt by Toni’s side. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” When Toni didn’t respond, Laura touched her on the arm. “Hey, are you okay?”
Toni turned just enough to acknowledge Laura’s presence, and seeing the dried track of tears on her face, Laura asked, “What’s this?”
“It’s nothing,” Toni whispered.
Threading her fingers through Toni’s, Laura said, “Talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me what you’re thinking. Why were you crying?”
“It’s...it’s hard to put into words.”
“Just say what’s on your mind.”
“Love.”
“Love?”
“Yeah...love,” Toni said again, staring into the flames. “Until tonight, I never understood the enormity of that word. I mean, it’s just a word, right? A simple word describing how someone feels. People say it every day. They love their car or their cat, their new haircut or clothes. It’s so multipurpose and common, isn’t it?”
“I suppose, but there are a lot of levels of love.”
“Then tell me what word I should use to describe how I feel about you?”
“I know how you feel,” Laura said, giving Toni’s hand a squeeze.
“No, you don’t, because I’m not just talking about love.”
“No?”
“I’m talking about reasons.”
“What do you mean?”
Taking a breath, Toni let it out slowly. “I was watching you sleep, and all of a sudden I felt my emotions getting the better of me, so I figured I’d come out here and get my head together. Let you get some rest. So, I started a fire, and as I sat here watching it grow, I realized it reminded me of you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah,” Toni said softly. “At first you were just this flicker, this unexpected spark in my life, but just like the flames, you grew. And then I started thinking about all the times you asked me to give you a reason for something…so I asked myself the same question.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Why do I feel so emotional tonight? Why do I feel like the world has stopped spinning so that I can finally catch up? Why do I know that I’d die for you without giving it a second thought?”
“Love?”
“No…hope,” Toni said in a shaky voice. “You’ve given me hope, Laura. You’ve given me a reason to believe. You’ve given me a reason to want again, and to need again, and to love…for the first and last time in my life.”
Covering her face with her hands, Toni began to cry, but this time the tears were those of joy, filled with the knowledge that humanity, her own humanity still existed. She was capable of love, but more importantly…she was capable of hope.
A short time later, Laura guided Toni back to the bedroom. Emotionally exhausted, before Laura had covered her with the quilt, Toni was asleep and Laura didn’t mind. There would be plenty of time for love and discovery, but for tonight, Laura was content simply to hold the woman she loved. Tonight she would set aside her wants, her desires and her dreams, and take comfort in the love and the hope she had for the woman in her arms.