I hesitated in titling this strategy because I didn’t want anyone to think that I was minimizing how difficult it is to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I can assure you, I am not. In fact, I know it’s one of the hardest things that a teenager can go through.
I remember the day my first serious girlfriend and first true love broke up with me. I was devastated, and thought I was going to die. I thought I’d never get over it or meet anyone else.
But I did.
In fact, I’m glad. Had it not happened, I wouldn’t have married Kris and wouldn’t have my kids. The ex-girlfriend is glad too. She’s happily married with three beautiful kids of her own. To this day, the two of us are close friends.
The only way that I’m aware of to make breakups more tolerable is to enhance one’s perspective and to see that it’s necessary. It’s weird when you think about it, but if not for breakups, all of us would marry the very first person we were ever interested in! And obviously, in most cases, that’s not in our best interests. The truth is, as hard as they can be, breakups are an essential part of life, for all of us.
When you put breakups into this perspective, it’s a little easier to spend less energy mourning relationships that are over and, instead, to spend that same energy appreciating them. With appreciation, it’s much easier to focus on the gifts of the relationship—the memories, growth, and fun you shared—while at the same time letting go and moving on; realizing that, as painful as it might be, you will love again.
I’ve found that teens who are able to look at breakups like this are able to maintain a friendship—if not immediately, then at least later on. Rather than being angry that their boyfriend or girlfriend didn’t turn out to be “the one,” or getting angry, resentful, or wanting revenge because someone changed or didn’t live up to their expectations, instead they are able to keep alive a nice feeling for that person and to genuinely wish him or her well.
One of the ultimate tests of being human is to be able to wish someone else well—even when you may be hurt. If you can do this, you’ll experience the magic of the healing power of love. You’ll notice that you’ll bounce back more quickly, feel happier and more self-confident, and even appear more attractive to others when your thoughts and wishes are positive. The love and forgiveness in your heart is more visible to others than any of us can possibly imagine.
So remember, even though it may seem like the end of the world, it probably isn’t. It may take awhile, but your breakups usually will end up seeming like a gift in disguise.