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CHECK OUT THESE ODDS!
(THE LIKELIHOOD THAT EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU)

An old friend of mine posed the following question: “If you were fifty feet under water and your snorkel was only one foot long, how often would you be able to breathe?” The answer, of course, is never! It wouldn’t matter if you tried ten times, a hundred, or fifty thousand, you’d never be able to breathe.

Similar odds exist for the likelihood that everyone is going to like us! It isn’t going to happen. Yet many of us will say or believe things like, “I can’t be happy until everyone (or certain people) like me.” I think it’s critical to ask yourself the philosophical question, “If something is never, ever going to work out, why is the idea still so popular? Why do we continue to pin our hopes and base our happiness on something that is, literally, impossible?” This is a great question because, once you see the odds, you become free from the trap.

Everyone wants to be liked and accepted. I know I do, and I’ll bet you do too. Yet, ironically, there is something very reassuring in knowing that there will never be a time when everyone likes us or approves of us. It’s nice to know that we’re all in the same boat. Regardless of who you are, or what you do, or how popular you become, or how much you try, there will always be people who, for whatever reason, simply don’t like you. I’ve had people not like me because it annoyed them that I seemed happy. Go figure.

There was a time in my life when this would have really bugged or threatened me in some way. I grew up believing that if I was nice to someone, he would naturally be nice to me too. To a large degree, it does work that way.

What I’ve learned, however, is that while I have a great deal of control over whom I choose to like and how I treat people, I have virtually no control over how others feel about me or how they will treat me.

Here’s the good news. I’ve learned that, while I have no control over who will be nice to me and who will like me, it’s always the case that the exact people I need in my life will show up and be there for me. There will always be a perfect match between my need for acceptance and friendships and the people who accept me and become my friends. It’s like a law of nature. I’ll always have the perfect set of friends. There is only one condition that is necessary to make this happen.

I will always have the ideal set of friends as long as I accept the fact that not everyone I think should be my friend will be. That’s the important part that will free you from feeling bad when you’re not feeling accepted by certain people.

Here’s how it works. I’ll be nice to someone and hope that a friendship will come about. If the person responds to me in the way I hope, it’s great—a friendship is formed. However, if the person doesn’t, that’s okay too, because it means there isn’t a perfect match. And I only want a friendship if it’s a perfect match. Do you want friends who don’t like you and who won’t accept you for who you are? Of course not. Do you want friends who don’t really care that much about you, or who think they are doing you a favor by being your friend? No way!

I’ve decided that I only want friends who genuinely like me for who I am, and vice versa. That’s how I know it’s a perfect match. The result is that, while I may not have dozens of close friends, the ones I do have are treasured beyond words. To this day, I meet people whom I’d love to be friends with—only they don’t seem to feel the same way. It doesn’t bother me too much anymore, however, because I’ve accepted the fact that not all people will feel the way I want them to.

It takes courage to approach friendships and acceptance in this way. However, if you can sense the logic of doing so, you will never again be overly concerned or make your happiness contingent upon certain people liking or accepting you. Since none of us is ever going to get everyone to like or accept us, let’s be sure that the friends we do have are a perfect match.