8
BE OK WITH YOUR
BAD HAIR DAY

When I told my daughter that I was going to include this strategy, she was a little irritated at me. She told me that, being a man, I couldn’t possibly know what it’s like to have a bad hair day. But I do. Unfortunately, I also know what it’s like to feel unattractive, overweight, and underdressed. In fact, when I was in Taiwan, I was given the opportunity to meet the president of the country shortly after I arrived. Not only was I jet-lagged from the long flight, but I had forgotten to pack a tie. My eyes were red and I hadn’t had a chance to shave. I looked and felt horrible, yet all I could do was laugh at myself.

Obviously, a “bad hair day” isn’t usually just about hair, but about the way we look and feel in general. However, having a sense of humor about it has the effect of calming you down and helping you to relax. If, instead of freaking out, you can lighten up a little, usually that will take the edge off of your frustration. This, in turn, will make your bad hair day a little easier to tolerate.

Hair is a funny thing. What’s in one year is out the next. What’s popular in one culture would look strange in another. Yet while what looks good is arbitrary, we nevertheless take it very seriously. We imagine that other people really care about how our hair looks!

I challenge you, just for fun, to be really honest about the following question. How much time and energy do you spend carefully looking at your friends’ hair—or a stranger’s hair? Probably not very much. Obviously, you see hair everywhere you look, but do you really study it? And, even if you do, do you give it much thought? Probably not.

The good news is, no one else does either. And even if they did, wouldn’t you think their time would be better spent doing something else?

Our bodies are a gift, and it’s important to care for them. You also can make a case that it’s important to look as nice as we can. Yet in this world of supermodels and slick advertising, it’s easy to get sucked into the belief that your hair—and other parts of your body—need to look different from the way they do in order for you to feel good about yourself. Nonsense! That is an attempt to make you feel as if you need something that is being offered—some beauty product, makeup, a certain type of clothing, exercise equipment, or something else. It’s sad, but these people actually try to get you to feel bad about yourself, or the way you look, so that you will need them (or their products) to rescue you.

There is a great deal of pressure to look like “him” or “her.” The idea, of course, is that you’ll feel better if you look like someone else. That’s absurd, and has been proven to be inaccurate. If you think about it, it doesn’t matter what you look like if you’re overly concerned about it. Whether you’re sweating the small stuff or sweating the way you look, either way, it translates into unhappiness and stress.

Do you think all supermodels feel great about themselves? Or do you suppose some of them are obsessed about their weight, insecure about the way they look, about getting older, and so forth? Do you think good-looking teenage entertainers who get breast implants or go on crash diets do so because they feel good about themselves, or because they are insecure about their looks? Doesn’t it seem that, whatever someone looks like, it never turns out to be good enough? Indeed, the only people who feel good about themselves are those who like and accept themselves just as they are. They take care of themselves and make healthy choices, but they are not obsessed with their looks.

The way to overcome this problem is to see it for what it is—a trap. Once you understand that one of the main reasons you might not feel good enough about yourself is because you are encouraged to feel that way, you’ll be able to let go of some of your insecurities. The way to fight back against the pressure to look different is to make the decision to like yourself just the way you are. And, as simplistic as this sounds, once you make this decision, you will feel better about yourself because you’re the one making the decision.

As insecure thoughts about your hair and other body parts come to mind, see if you can dismiss them as being insignificant. Remind yourself over and over again that you don’t need to be any different in order to like yourself. I’m certain that you have the capacity to see yourself as wonderful and beautiful, just the way you are. I’m also certain that, once you do, you’ll find it a whole lot easier to live a happy life.