11
TRY NOT TO BECOME
A FAULT-FINDER

One of the easiest things in the world is to become a fault-finder. As the name suggests, this is the almost universal tendency to be on the lookout, thinking about, and constantly pointing out the flaws and imperfections of yourself, others, society, and the world. Because our natural tendency is to want things to improve, and since there is so much in the world that obviously needs improving, it’s no wonder that so many of us fall into the habit.

The problem with being a fault-finder, especially a really good one, is that it’s an almost guaranteed way to keep yourself unhappy, stressed out, and frustrated. When your mind is primarily directed toward problems, pitfalls, and imperfections, that’s exactly what you’ll see. Over time you’ll become even more discriminating until, at some point, you’ll become an expert.

A few years ago I received a letter from seventeen-year-old Kerry, who described herself as a world-class fault-finder, almost always bothered by things. People were always doing things that annoyed her, and nothing was ever good enough. She was highly self-critical and also found fault with her friends. She became a real sourpuss, a drag to be around.

Unfortunately, it took a horrible accident to change her attitude. Her best friend was hurt very badly in a car wreck. What made it almost impossible to deal with was that the day before the accident, Kerry had visited her friend and had spent the whole time criticizing her choice of boyfriends, the way she was living, the way she related to her mother, and various other things she felt she needed to express. It wasn’t until her friend was badly hurt that Kerry realized that she had made a habit of finding fault. Very quickly, Kerry learned to appreciate life (including the imperfections) rather than to judge everything so harshly. She was able to extend her new wisdom to other parts of her life as well.

Perhaps most of us aren’t as extreme at our fault-finding skills, but when we’re honest, we can be pretty darn critical of the world. I’m not suggesting you ignore problems, or that you pretend that things are better than they are, but simply that you learn to allow things to be as they are—at least most of the time, and especially when it’s not a really big deal. Otherwise, what happens is that the habit of pointing out what’s wrong becomes a mind-set, a way of seeing the world so that your life becomes mostly about observing and pointing out the imperfections of others and what needs to be improved. This, of course, more than anything will encourage you to sweat the small stuff.

On the other hand, if you can train yourself to “bite your tongue” when you see minor imperfections, or people making mistakes, and so forth, you’ll be, in effect, training yourself not to sweat the small stuff. With a little practice, you’ll get really good at letting things go, even things that used to bug you or irritate you. And when you do, you’ll get back your enthusiasm and zest for life—because life is awesome when you’re not busy finding fault with it.