I love this strategy because it’s one of the easiest and surest ways to reduce your stress and become a happier person. It’s also a way that you can be of service to others. Anyone can do it, and all it takes is a slight shift in attitude.
It’s very seductive to get into what I like to call “the envy habit.” Even though it’s hard to admit, it’s tempting to be a little jealous or envious when someone you know is experiencing joy or success.
Nineteen-year-old Diane confessed that when her best friend, Denise, had fallen in love, she was “green with envy.” Denise was totally happy. And although Diane had told Denise she was “so happy for her,” she was having thoughts like, “How come that didn’t happen to me?”
When you take a step back and look at this typical reaction more carefully, it’s easy to see that the person hurt by this reaction is Diane. Her failure to be genuinely happy for her friend interferes with her own ability to be happy. It limits her own joy by keeping her focused on her own wants, needs, and desires.
When you wish others well, however, and share in their happiness, you get to experience their happiness with them. In a predictable and reliable way, your mental enthusiasm translates into feelings of inner happiness.
Whether your friend made the team and you didn’t, or whether someone you know got into a certain college or made an A on an exam or got a great job that you would love to have yourself, it’s all the same. Whenever you make the conscious choice to share in the happiness of others, you are guaranteeing a certain amount of joy for yourself.
Have you ever been really excited about something and shared it with someone who said, “That’s great,” but you know he didn’t really mean it? It’s a very deflating experience that takes some of the thrill away from the person doing the sharing. It sure doesn’t make you want to tell him the next time something happens.
I’ll bet you’ll agree that one of the greatest joys in the world is being able to share your happiness or success with someone else—and having that person be as happy for you as you are. My friend Benjamin is like that. Whenever I’m happy about something, I can’t wait to share it with him because, every single time I do, it’s almost like he’s the one having my experience! He’s thrilled for me—and “all ears,” listening to every part of the story. My joy is his joy. It’s one of the things I love most about him. My goal is to be that kind of friend too.
There’s no specific way to do this. All you have to do is agree that being happy for others is important and in your best interest. Then you simply make the choice to be genuinely happy for others when they are happy, experiencing good fortune, or have achieved something they are proud of. If you extend this philosophy to your friends, parents, siblings, and others, you’ll be enhancing your joy, being a great friend (and daughter or son), and helping to spread happiness on Earth. You’ll be part of the solution in the creation of a kinder and gentler world.