17
CHECK OUT THE SPACE
BETWEEN YOUR THOUGHTS

The first time someone suggested this to me, I thought they were absolutely nuts. Once I took a moment to consider the suggestion, however, I was able to see what was being said. Today, many years later, I use this strategy on a regular basis—without even thinking about it.

If you were to speak a sentence right now, and then another, you might notice a tiny pause between them. It might only be a millisecond. Tinier still, almost minuscule, is a space between individual thoughts. You almost have to imagine it to experience it.

This tiny little space is often the key to taking the “high road” instead of the “low road.”

Have you ever had the experience of being just about ready (on the edge) of making a decision, or doing something, but then, at the very last instant, you decided against it? If so, you’ve experienced the space between your thoughts. There was a very tiny moment of space—a moment of quiet—that allowed you to see the fork in the road. In a split second, you saw another option, or had an insight or a change of heart. You saw that you could go in a new direction. If you were barreling forward, full speed ahead in your thinking, and there were absolutely no spaces between those thoughts, it would be difficult to change gears or see another way. It would be like a train out of control. But with that little tiny bit of space, you have the possibility to see something new.

Sometimes when someone is critical of me, I start to get upset and think defensively. Then, just when I’m about to say something hurtful back to them, I see that I have a choice. Instead of retaliating, I’ll simply let it go. It’s that moment of clarity.

I’ve had teens tell me stories about how they were “just about” to go along with the crowd and participate in something they knew in their heart was wrong. They may have been on the phone with a friend, discussing the time and place, when, right before they agreed, they had one of those moments and said, instead, “I’m sorry, I can’t do it.”

To benefit from the space between your thoughts, you don’t have to do anything different from what you’re already doing. All you really have to do is be open to the possibility that the spaces are there—and begin to look for them. If you don’t notice them, don’t worry about it. Just be open.

You do this because in those spaces lie clarity and wisdom. It’s most helpful to be looking for these spaces whenever you’re really upset about something. The simple act of looking slows down your thinking ever so slightly and can break a negative or potentially self-destructing train of thought.