18
ASK A TRUSTED FRIEND
OR FAMILY MEMBER,
“WHAT ARE MY WEAKNESSES?”

For most people, this is such a hard thing to do that I hesitated to include it in this book. However, the rewards are potentially so great for those brave enough to try it that I decided it was worth it.

As you know, our trusted friends and certain family members know us better than anyone else. They see us at our best—and they see us at our worst. Sometimes it seems they know us as well or better than we know ourselves. They are aware of our strengths as well as our weaknesses. They see us shine, and they see us getting in our own way.

Often there is a fine line between the life we have and the life we want. The problem is, it’s really hard to see the ways that we can sometimes get in our own way. All of us have blind spots about our own attitudes, behaviors, and ways of being, and, to one degree or another, we become stuck in our ways. Our habits become invisible to us.

And while, deep down, it’s easy to see that our friends and family members might be able to help us see things about ourselves, ways that we might change to improve our lives, it’s nevertheless hard to ask for any sort of help. We are usually too proud, embarrassed, or defensive to find out what they might say. It might hurt our feelings, make us angry, or force us to look in the mirror and admit that they are right.

Remember, however, that there is a big difference between having a friend blurt out to us, “You should stop doing that—it’s wrecking your life,” versus us asking a friend for a guidance or some type of suggestion. This exercise is not about asking a question like, “Hey, what do you think I should do in this situation?” but rather something much deeper, such as, “Do you see any ways that I get in my own way, or things that I do that are self-destructive?”

I’ve asked my best friends for this type of advice dozens of times over the years, and each time it has been incredibly helpful. I’ve had friends tell me that I was too speeded up, that I talked too much, that I needed to become a better listener, to name just a few. Every single time I’ve asked, the person was right on the money. And, each time, it helped me to change for the better.

Rachel and Vicky, both seventeen years old, had been best friends for five years. Vicky was frustrated and down on herself because guys didn’t seem to like her very much. She gathered the courage to ask Rachel if she knew what was going on. Rachel was hesitant to say anything, knowing that what she had to say might hurt her friend’s feelings. Vicky said, “Just tell me, I can handle it.” Rachel told her that when she (Vicky) was nervous, she would always talk about nothing but herself. She would never ask questions or express any interest whatsoever in the guy she was talking to.

Because she was the one who initiated the question, Vicky was able to handle it and, in fact, learned a great deal from it. She was able to make the necessary changes in her behavior to solve her problem with the guys she would meet.

The only way this strategy works is if you decide in advance that you’re going to listen to what is said and not be defensive. You must approach this exercise as a genuine learning experience, a chance to see something new about yourself or your behavior. You don’t necessarily have to accept or take action upon what is said, but you must make a genuine effort to take the advice to heart.

This strategy is one of the key ways I have been able to grow and develop as a human being. I’m sure if you give this a try, the same might be true for you.