Whether we want to admit it or not, and certainly whether we like it or not, life is full of difficulties. It’s an inevitable part of the package. The question becomes: Do our problems and difficulties ruin us, turn us sour and apathetic, or destroy our spirits? Or are they a source of growth, wisdom, perspective, and patience? The answer is: It completely depends on how you look at them.
Don Juan once said, “The difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.” The good news is, with a slight shift in attitude, you can become a “teenage warrior,” which will serve you now and for the rest of your life.
Think of the people you respect the most—people you actually know, or heroes you have great respect for. How do they respond to the challenges and difficulties in their lives? Do they whine and complain—and feel like victims? Are they resentful? Do they feel sorry for themselves and tell themselves, “I’ll never get through this?” Of course not.
Now think of people, whether they are close to you—acquaintances, neighbors—or simply people you’ve heard of who complain about virtually everything. Those who commiserate with others, whine, stomp their feet, and fail to take responsibility for the quality of their own lives.
What’s the difference between these two types of people? Is it their circumstances or the severity of the difficulties they face? No way! In fact, if you look carefully, you’ll see that those people with the most courageous attitudes are often the ones with the biggest problems and challenges.
Some of the most remarkable teens I’ve ever met have had serious and/or painful physical conditions or illnesses, overcome a drug addiction, experienced poverty, or grown up without parents. And it probably wouldn’t surprise you that some of the most unhappy, dissatisfied, and apathetic teens I’ve met come from wealthy families, have two parents who love them, are beautiful, have healthy bodies, and all the perks one could ever imagine. Indeed, circumstances don’t make a person—they reveal her or him!
The difference between an “ordinary” teen and a “teenage warrior” lies in the way they view problems, hassles, even legitimate hardships. An ordinary teen labels things as “good” or “bad” and feels troubled by his burdens. A teenage warrior, on the other hand, tries to find a hidden gift, however small, in each hurdle she faces. I read about a Tibetan lama who was thrown into a Chinese prison for eighteen years. He said that he viewed his prison guards as his greatest teachers because they helped him to become patient and compassionate.
While that is certainly an extreme example, it does suggest that we can apply the same wisdom to the daily, less severe challenges we face. It suggests that when something goes wrong, rather than reacting as usual, feeling defeated, going crazy, or getting depressed, we can look at the situation differently. Is there something we can learn—patience, perspective, humility, generosity, perseverance, or something else? Is there some way this problem can make us better people? Do we absolutely, positively have to overreact? Or can we rise above it?
The simple act of being open to the possibility that your problems may be able to teach you something—that there just might be a hidden gift—is often enough to transform your problems into new opportunities. By keeping an open mind and looking at your problems in this way, you too can become a teenage warrior.