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DON’T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF

Many of us inadvertently create stress in our lives by making the mistake of underestimating ourselves. Failing to have adequate confidence in our abilities, intuition, and wisdom means we must rely on others to guide and direct us.

The reason this is so potentially stressful is that it encourages us to seek acknowledgment, acceptance, and approval from outside sources—peers, parents, friends, and others—rather than from within ourselves. If we don’t get the approval we’re looking for, we feel anxious and stressed. And even if we do get it, we’re always wondering if it will last. Either way is stressful and filled with pressure. It’s when you feel pressure that you’re most likely to sweat the small stuff, make mistakes, and become unhappy.

On the other hand, when you give yourself the credit you deserve and when you have confidence in yourself, you are in charge and have control over the acknowledgment you are seeking. You can learn to be proud of yourself, knowing you’ve done your best, regardless of what anyone else thinks. When this happens, your confidence will soar because you’ll be less distracted and will spend far less energy concerning yourself with what other people say or think about you.

Everyone I know who has an adequate supply of self-confidence has it because, at some point in her life, she decided she needed it. These people have realized that, no matter how hard they try or how successful they become, there will always be people who find fault with and criticize them. There will always be people who still think they aren’t good enough. Furthermore, they come to the realization that if they don’t feel good about themselves and their efforts, it makes no difference how much praise or recognition they receive—or how well they do in life—because they won’t feel it. Those with genuine self-confidence make a conscious decision that, although guidance is always welcome and approval and acknowledgment are always nice, ultimately the only lasting confidence comes from within. It’s as if they realize that no one is going to be able to hand them self-confidence. Rather, it’s a decision that must be made.

Confidence doesn’t only come with success. It works in reverse as well. In other words, it’s true that getting a good grade helps create confidence in your abilities as a student—that’s positive reinforcement. It’s also true, however, that knowing you are a bright, intelligent, talented, and wise person, and admitting this to yourself on a regular basis, helps you get the good grade to begin with. Confidence creates the inner atmosphere to succeed.

Even if you are a straight-A student, a champion athlete, gifted in music or drama, or have a unique talent, your self-confidence still will have to come from you. You still will have to decide that you have self-worth and that you are worthy of self-confidence. This shouldn’t be difficult because it’s true.

I once had a conversation with a junior high school student who was about to embark on a complicated research project. I remember asking her, “Do you know how you’re going to go about it?” Her answer speaks to the point of this strategy. She said, “Not really, but I’m certain I’ll be able to do it.” Despite the lack of an immediate solution, there was strength in her answer. She had confidence she could pull it off, regardless of how much work was involved. This type of confidence comes from reminding yourself, over and over again, that you are a competent, bright person who will find a way to rise to the occasion, whatever the occasion happens to be. Believe in yourself—you’re worth it!