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DON’T KEEP YOUR PAIN A SECRET

It’s hard enough being in emotional pain, but it’s important not to compound the pain by keeping it all to yourself. When you are in pain, don’t keep it a secret. Instead, use this time to reach out to others. Doing so will make you feel empowered and will help you heal more quickly and completely. Being with other people while you are suffering is often very comforting and nourishing. People are an important source of support and strength.

Some people keep their pain to themselves because they feel that they are being a burden to friends or family members. That’s usually not the case. Think of how readily available you would be if a good friend, a parent, or a sibling came to you in pain. I’ll bet you’d drop everything to lend a loving ear.

Over the years I’ve known many therapists. I’ve often asked them what they felt was their greatest contribution to their clients or patients. Many have suggested that perhaps the most important gift they shared with someone is simply a genuine, caring, listening ear. There is something special and healing about being listened to while you are in pain. Unquestionably it helps release an inner healing process that exists within each of us.

Obviously, not everyone can afford to see a therapist. But if seeing a professional is an option, it’s worth looking into. Many schools have a counselor that may be available to help, as do many churches and places of worship. Then there are always your friends and family—who, quite possibly, might be the best listeners of all. They know you best and care about you the most.

Although many teens think of themselves as too shy to try it, a regular massage can be extremely healing. Appropriate physical touch is incredibly important, particularly since many teens are rarely touched. Studies show that people need to be touched, and a good back rub is one of the most wonderful things you can ever experience.

Like therapy, a professional massage can be expensive, so not everyone will be able to get one. However, perhaps someone in your family, or a friend, would like to trade back rubs with you. I’ll bet someone would jump at the chance. My daughter Kenna and I trade back rubs all the time, and, quite frankly, it’s one of our favorite things to do together. To be honest, I’ve met only a small number of people in my entire lifetime—teens and everyone else—who didn’t love a good back rub.

I know that being in emotional pain isn’t “small stuff.” Yet I felt it was important to include this strategy because many teens turn inward when they are in pain rather than baring their soul to someone else. It’s always nice to have people to talk to. It’s especially important if you are in pain.