One of the reasons so many people end up frustrated and stressed out by others is that they have their goals mixed up. If you desire a happy life, the idea is not to create a life where your buttons are never pushed. Instead, the goal is to create a state of mind where, even when your buttons are pushed, that’s okay too because it won’t get to you very much.
Let’s face it. There are always going to be people who push your buttons. Most of the time it’s going to be unintentional, but sometimes it’s going to be on purpose. That shouldn’t surprise you; it’s just the way things are. Therefore, to insist that you’ll be happy only when everyone starts to treat you exactly the way you would like to be treated—and to postpone your peace of mind until no one ever pushes your buttons—is an almost guaranteed way to remain stressed out for the rest of your life.
It’s far wiser, I believe, and far more realistic to strive to become “button-proof.” Can you imagine how great it would be to almost never get upset, annoyed, or bothered simply because someone was acting in a way that was inconsistent with your wishes? This doesn’t mean you wouldn’t prefer that people act in a certain way; we all do. It simply suggests that you would have the ability to brush things off, walk away, ignore, or dismiss potentially irritating comments, gestures, or behavior.
The way to make this happen for yourself is relatively easy. Instead of reacting to others as usual with resistance or repulsion, try to receive the things that usually seem bothersome with an attitude of acceptance. So, instead of saying to yourself, “Not again, I hate this,” try looking at it differently. Instead, say to yourself, “Here’s another chance to build my strength—here’s another opportunity to not allow myself to become bothered.”
You’ll be amazed at how easy this strategy can be once you set your mind to it, because all it is, is a shift in your intention. Start with little things, like someone looking at you wrong or making a weird comment. Practice not getting mad; instead, dismiss it and let it go. If you fall into your old habit and become reactive, that’s totally okay. It doesn’t matter. You’re going to lose it plenty of times during your lifetime—we all do. However, each time you succeed in letting something go instead of becoming upset, you become a little bit stronger and wiser, and you’ll see the possibility of remaining calm and of “not sweating it.”
Pretty soon, those same little things won’t get to you very much, if at all. Then you’ll be able to let even bigger things go, and so on. Like everything else, it just takes practice as well as the willingness to know exactly what you are practicing and why.
Remember, anyone can get angry and bothered by others—there’s no trick to that. The secret is to know that true strength lies not in becoming irritated, as most people do, but in remaining calm, wise, and relatively unaffected when your buttons are being pushed.