As a teen, you are fortunate to have an inner signal, a foolproof guidance system to let you know whether you are on track or off track. This “signal,” which consists solely of your own feelings, lets you know whether you are headed toward stress, confusion, conflict, and other mental woes, or whether you are doing perfectly fine.
There is a powerful connection between your thinking and the way you feel. When we think, we immediately feel the effects of our thoughts. It happens in an instant. For example, if your goal was to get really angry right now, what would you have to do? The answer is, you’d have to think about something that makes you angry in order to feel angry. This suggests that if you’re feeling jealous, it means you’re having jealous thoughts. If you’re feeling rushed, you’re having hurried thoughts. If you’re feeling happy, your thoughts are pleasant.
This is a powerful mental tool to have at your disposal. Let’s assume, for example, that you’re having a pretty nice day. Your feelings are pleasant, so, obviously, your thinking is working for you. No adjustment needs to be made. You just go on with your day. Later on, however, you begin to feel angry and frustrated.
Just like a inner buzzer that goes off in your mind, your feelings warn you that your thinking has become angry. No big deal. It’s simply good information. Your feelings operate much like the warning lights on the dashboard of a car. They flash when trouble is brewing. They give you a heads-up that, if you continue driving, you might be moving toward some type of trouble.
Physical warning signals are easy to understand. If you have a sprained ankle, for example, the pain gives you information. It’s telling you to stay off your ankle. It’s telling you that now is not the time to be running or playing tennis.
In the same way, your feelings give you important information. If you’re feeling angry, for example, your feelings tell you that your thinking has become angry. Rather than continue to think about everything that’s making you angry, it might be wiser to recognize that you’re having angry thoughts and back off a little. Take some time to clear your mind and take some deep breaths. Recognize that the anger is coming from inside of you—from those angry thoughts—not from the world. This is one of the toughest yet most important insights you can ever have. It will serve you in all aspects of your life. It will help you become less frustrated and help you stop sweating the small stuff.
This isn’t to suggest that it’s bad or wrong to feel anger, sadness, frustration, or anything else. Nor does it suggest that your anger or other feelings aren’t justified, or that there aren’t plenty of things to be mad about. It only means that your feelings (whatever they happen to be) are your guide. They tell you whether what is happening right now in your mind is productive or counterproductive, good for you or bad for you, and whether what is happening in this moment, within your own thoughts, is heading toward where you want to be—at peace, happy, and successful—or toward something else—frustration, stress, and conflict.
In my opinion, this is one of the most important mental dynamics you can ever become aware of. I use it all the time as a tool to let me know when I’m in need of a mental adjustment of some kind. Your feelings tell you with unbelievable accuracy how you are doing in any given moment. Trust them and what they are trying to tell you. If you do, you’ll keep yourself on track most of the time.