I’d like to discuss a strategy that’s a virtually guaranteed way to succeed. I’m referring here to the simple act of letting people talk.
Almost all people love to talk more than they love to listen. And even people who are shy or who don’t talk too much usually do love to talk once they feel comfortable and get going. The icing on the cake is when people are not only allowed to talk, but when they feel listened to and aren’t interrupted!
For whatever reasons, human beings seem to have an instinctual need to be heard. When that need isn’t met, people feel as if something is missing. There is an emptiness of some kind. When that need is met, however, people often feel nourished and satisfied. If you can think of people who really listen to what you are saying—and who don’t interrupt you—my guess is that you are very fond of them. If you can’t think of anyone, you’re not alone.
I’ve asked many teens if they feel “really listened to,” and, not surprisingly, very few have said yes. It’s a fairly safe bet that most of the people you come into contact with will answer the same way. They too feel as if no one (or at least very few people) let them talk without interrupting them.
This being the case, what do you suppose will happen when you become the person who lets people talk? Without being too dramatic about it, you’ll be unique—you’ll become a hero! As your listening skills increase, and as you let others talk, people will feel comfortable around you. They will feel nourished and heard. They will trust you. Even though people may not know what it is about you, most of them will like you.
When people know that you are sincere and that you genuinely care about them and that you are interested in what they have to say, they will be on your side and will want to see you succeed. They will want to help you or, at very least, be nice to you. They also will be more interested in hearing what you have to say. One of the keys to great relationships is making sure you let each other talk—and that you both listen.
Obviously, you would never let someone talk only because you want him or her to like you. To do so would be lacking in sincerity. Being liked is a result, a perk, of letting people talk. You want to let people talk primarily because doing so is polite and thoughtful—and because making other people happy will help to make you happy. When you listen well and let others talk, everyone ends up a winner.