We’ve previously discussed the fact that encouraging people to like you reduces stress. There’s no question that life is easier and less stressful when people want to see you succeed, trust you, are on your side, treat you well, and like you.
If I had to choose something that almost everyone loves, it would be difficult not to consider “receiving genuine praise” at or near the top of the list. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who doesn’t love to receive compliments and praise, so long as they’re real.
While it’s fairly obvious that dishing out genuine praise is a great idea, it’s surprising how few people do it. There seem to be several reasons for this. Some people are too shy to deliver praise; it makes them feel uncomfortable. Others feel that people “don’t need praise” or that they already know how wonderful they are. Some simply haven’t recognized how important praising others really is.
While overcoming these or other objections might be difficult, it’s nevertheless worth the effort. The truth is, most people feel they don’t get nearly enough praise and could always use (and would love to receive) more.
On several occasions, I’ve given someone a genuine compliment from my heart, someone later has told me that that person thought I was wonderful and kind. How could they possibly feel that way, given that we had only spent a minute or two together? I wondered. Then it hit me—I had given the person a genuine compliment from my heart. That’s the power of dishing out praise.
When I think of the kindest people I know, all of them are in the habit of dishing out praise and compliments. It’s hard not to like someone who is in the habit of praising others. Think about the people in your life who have given you genuine compliments. Who are they? Do you like them? Now think of the people whom you have given praise to. I’ll bet they like you too.
Eighteen-year-old Stefanie told me that she had given her instructor a simple but genuine compliment. Specifically, she said, “You are very patient with your students, and I really appreciate that. It must be hard to work with so many people all at the same time. You do a really great job.” When the school year was over and Stefanie had received an A, her teacher told her that she was the first student to give her such a nice, sincere compliment. The instructor appreciated it and remembered it. That simple praise had made her school year a little bit better. It’s a good example of something really small making a really big difference.
A cynic would say Stefanie was kissing up. She wasn’t; Stefanie really thought her teacher was doing a great job. Her instructor, being a human being, took a liking to Stefanie. She was willing to work with her after class and was always happy to answer her questions. She was on Stefanie’s side and really wanted her to succeed. She didn’t give her a good grade because of what Stefanie had said—but it sure didn’t hurt.
Dishing out praise is one of those “intangibles” of life. There’s no way to quantify exactly how much good it does—but we know it does a lot of good and that, as long as it’s genuine, there’s no downside. So when it’s for real and deserved, explore the magic of praise. The more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll become. My guess is, your life will suddenly seem easier—and now you’ll know why.